Desolation Ed
by jspyster1
Summary: Ed, Edd n Eddy and the kids of the Cul-de-Sac have survived the nuclear holocaust of World War 3 by taking shelter in an underground vault. Numerous problems soon arise, forcing Eddy into the post nuclear wasteland to find a solution. Based on Fallout.
1. Chapter 1: An Imperfect Routine

**Desolation Ed**

By Jspyster1

**Author's Note: **This story is based off the Fallout series of games, more specifically Fallout 1 except that it involves the Peach Creek kids. Rest assure that this story won't be entirely ripped off from Fallout, I plan to incorporate my own original ideas and adventures into this fic. To help clear up some confusion, this fanfic was written before Ed, Edd n Eddy's Big Picture Show premiered so the Kevin/Eddy rivalry still exists in the story, though some locations and elements from the movie have been incorporated into the plot. It's an alternate universe. Just bear with me, people. Rated T just to be safe, especially in the later chapters.

**Prologue: **

War, war never changes… The world's energy resources have almost been extinguished after generations of use. For decades the countries of the world have fought against each other in a futile attempt to control the last remaining reserves of earth's resources. Meanwhile the United State's old adversary, Russia, took advantage of the situation to once again try to rise above the rest of the nations to become the world's largest superpower. Testing to see how far they could exert their dominance, Russia invaded Alaska in an attempt to capture the U.S.'s remaining oil reserves. The U.S. retaliated and kicked the mighty armies back to the motherland. From that point on tensions between the two nations have escalated to a point where major nuclear ICBM launch sites had each others country's locations hotkeyed on the launch keyboard; ready to strike at a moment's notice.

Because of the approaching threat of a world wide nuclear holocaust, the U.S. government commissioned the Vault-Tec Corporation to build a set number of massive, blast-proof subterranean bunkers, nicknamed "vaults", all across the nation for the population to take shelter in as a last resort if "the bombs ever fell".

The inevitable eventually occurred...

In the early hours of one brisk October morning, the United States, Russia, and every one of their allies with a nuclear program simultaneously fired each and every weapon in their nuclear arsenal; rockets, warheads, submarine guided missiles, bombers, the leaders of the world went all out and had nothing to lose, as mutually assured destruction already sealed the fate of the earth. People have debated which side fired first but in the end it didn't matter. The weapons of mankind's creation had scorched every corner of the earth, eliminating millions of innocent lives, while reducing entire continents into desolate wastelands. World War III abruptly started and ended within a matter of hours. Fortunately, a small fraction of the U.S.'s population was lucky enough to get a spot of their own inside one of Vault-Tec's coveted vaults, while others resolved to hiding in cheaper, sometimes makeshift, bunkers. But this isn't the story of the vault project or the war, nor resources nor global politics; this is the story of a certain member of Vault 23 and his quest to save the closest place he can call home. Vault 23 is located on the outskirts of a small suburban town called Peach Creek. It was this vault where the children of the local neighborhood took shelter in when the bombs fell, it was one of the few structures to survive the merciless wrath of the nukes, and it is in this vault where our story begins...

**Chapter 1: An Imperfect Routine**

Loud sirens blared over Vault 23's intercom, ceiling mounted warning lights flashed all around the corridors of the vault. Sirens and bells ringed as the faulty PA system cackled. All of this commotion immediately woke up a surprised Eddy who was blinded by the bright ceiling lights of his vault living quarter when he first opened his eyes. What is all this bedlam, you ask? Was it a fire alarm? Was it a atomic bomb alert system? The answer is none of the above. It was just another average day in Vault 23.

"Good morning vault dwellers!" said a cheery, mature voice over the intercom. "That was a wake up call brought to you by your friendly neighborhood overseer, me! Elron H. Tompson! It is once again time to begin the workday."

Eddy stumbled out of his bed, leaving his bed sheets in a winkled mess in the corner of his room, not bothering to make his bed, knowing that the maids would clean it up for him. Half asleep and agitated by the vault's annoying alarm clock system, Eddy began his daily routine of changing into his mandatory standard issue vault jumpsuit, and heading down to the cafetorium for breakfast before heading off to do his daily chores.

The jumpsuits weren't the most attractive pieces of apparel. The overall color of the suit was blue with a yellow stripe around the waist section and along the zipper line on the chest section. The number of the designated vault was sewn into the back section of the jumpsuit; in this case, a large, yellow number 23 was stitched to the back of Eddy's jumpsuit as well as all the others in the vault. The kneecaps of the suit were padded while a belt included with the jumpsuit helped with back support. The left sleeve of the jumpsuit was shorter than the right to accommodate the attachment of the wrist mounted, standard issue Personal Information Processor, otherwise known as the Pip-Boy 3000. The device could store gigabytes upon gigabytes of information about the user and the user's surroundings, as well as the user's personality, traits, skills, and anything they hold possession of. Unfortunately, because Eddy was one of the last people to enter the vault, the rest of the kids who entered earlier were first to receive the device. The vault soon ran out of the 3000 model so they gave Eddy and older Pip-Boy 2000 model, instead. The device was not as flashy as the 3000 model. The only features it came with were the ability to render maps in a basic form and the ability to store journal entries.

Eddy winced in pain after he caught a few small chest hairs while zippering up his standard issue jumpsuit. He then checked his standard issue Pip-Boy 2000 for the time. He could barely read the display because of the substandard quality of the device. He then put on his standard issue vault work boots, which would hurt only after a few hours of walking, or even sitting down for that matter. He then stepped out of his tiny, standard issue vault living quarter, which only consisted of a tiny room with one bed, a closet and a desktop, and started walking down the hallway, past all the other standard issue living quarters, towards the cafetorium for his standard issue vault breakfast meal.

"Stupid Communist vault." grumbled Eddy.

The PA system cackled again, "Today is the 236th day that we have lived in the vault ever since it was first sealed!" said Overseer Elron over the intercom.

Hearing that little announcement made Eddy think to himself about all the things he hated about living in the vault. On his walk down to the cafetorium, he thought of how much he hated how unnaturally cheery Overseer Elron's voiced sounded. He hated that the kids from the nearby town of Lemon Brook were also assigned to live in this vault. He had hated the entire town of Lemon Brook after they defeated him in the infamous football game. He hated that out of all the kids in this vault, Elron was chosen to be the overseer just because he was the oldest, and the smartest, and the most unflappable. He hated how irritating and uncomfortable the vault jumpsuits were. He hated that he was given a cruddy, downgraded version of the Pip-Boy 3000, which was biometrically locked to his arm 24/7. Yet the thing he hated most of all was the sheer thought of him spending his entire life with the rest of the rag-tag vault dwellers, especially Kevin.

But that doesn't mean he hated all of the kids in the vault. Eddy finally approached the doors to the cafetorium. Once he opened them up he ignored all the other seemingly obnoxious dwellers, scattered about in the many tables in the room, and focused on his two dearest friends in the world sitting in the far corner of the room, Double-D and Ed.

Eddy swaggered over to their table but not before passing by the table where Kevin was sitting at. It was that time again where Kevin was to pick on Eddy.

"Hey Dork!" Said Kevin as Eddy walked by. "Nice Pip-Boy, where'd you scrape that hand-me-down piece of junk from? The leftover emporium?" Mocked Kevin as he pointed at Eddy's Pip-Boy 2000.

"Yeah, so? It still works doesn't it?" said Eddy, desperately trying to come up with a retort. He was trying to be oblivious the fact that it was falling apart and very much looked like "A hand-me-down piece of junk". The screen constantly flickered, some of the buttons were missing, and parts of it were literally held together with duct tape.

"I bet that piece of scrap metal can't even calculate 2+2." again, mocked Kevin. Some of the other boys at his table stated to laugh to themselves. Kevin had set his football rivalry aside and made friends with some of the boys from Lemon Brook. They were all butch looking and had the appearance of prison inmates. With all of them wearing identical vault jumpsuits it would be easy to mistake them for prison inmates. One of the boy's was even starting to grow a beard. They all sat with Kevin at the table.

"Screw you, like yours is any better!" replied Eddy.

"Think again." said Kevin as he held out his arm, showing off his brand new Pip-boy 3000. "I just received my new Pip-Boy 3000. It's capable of showing you the condition of your body, it has an updated GPS system, it's an AM/FM radio, and it keeps track of all my stats!"

"Wow, can it clean your laundry? Cuz' it looks like you got a nice big brown steak on the back of your jumpsuit there, Kev-boy." said Eddy in a sarcastic way.

"What? Where!" yelled Kevin as he spun around in circles while trying to find the brown stain on his rear.

Eddy and the rest of the kids in the cafetorium began to laugh as Kevin stupidly spun in circles, like a dog chasing its tail, trying to locate the mysterious brown stain. He finally stopped searching after noticing all the other kids laughing at him and after realizing there was no brown stain.

"Real funny, Dork!" said Kevin as he sat back down at his table. He ate the rest of his breakfast with his head down, avoiding eye contact with any other person, all while trying to forget about the embarrassing moment he just experienced.

Eddy was suddenly in a good mood. "You're too easy Kev!" he said as he swaggered back to the table where Edd and Ed were sitting at. Edd had already finished his breakfast and was busy tuning his Pip-Boy while Ed was engulfing his entire breakfast platter while reading a "Grognak the Barbarian" comic book.

"Hey guys, Eddy McGee has arrived!" said Eddy, trying to act all cool.

"Eddy!" yelled Ed while his mouth was still full of his chewed up breakfast.

"Good morning Eddy!" said Edd in a polite and cheery tone. "It's another wonderful day down here in Vault 23, I must say." said Edd, obviously looking at the positive side of living underground in a cold, crowded vault while the earth above you is charred to a crisp.

Eddy scoffed, "Yeah right. You're starting to sound like that Overseer guy."

"Oh come on, Eddy. Sure the living conditions are somewhat deplorable, but try to be optimistic. At least we managed to survive a full scale nuclear annihilation." said Edd, trying to reassure his friend. "Ed has certainly adjusted well to the vault." Edd pointed at Ed who was walking around the room trying to devour the leftover food of his fellow vault mates. He walked up to the table Jonny and Plank were sitting at.

"Are you going to finish that?" said Ed as he pointed at Jonny's almost empty tray.

"Nah, me and Plank already filled up on enough food to last us the entire workday!" said Jonny.

"Cool!" yelled Ed as he grabbed the platter in front of him "Om, nom, nom, om, nom." mumbled Ed has he loudly consumed the entire dish in one bite.

Rolf yelled to Ed from across the room. "Ed, you are disgracing yourself!"

Edd was laughing to himself in the background. "Lovable oaf."

"The guy's got a black hole for a stomach. If he eats anymore he'll extinguish all our food resources." complained Eddy, but in a friendly way. "So anyways, yeah I guess I should be glad that we managed to survive a nuclear holocaust but is this really all we do down here?" yelled Eddy.

"What do you mean?" asked Edd.

"It's the same, boring, thing every day. We wake up early in the morning to the loud annoying alarm system, the overseer acts all cheery and whatnot, we come down here for breakfast, then we're sent off to work for 9 hours straight. Sure we get the rest of the day off but what is there to do in this vault for fun? No sports, no video games, I can't scam anyone down here or else the Overseer will kick me out, and the only radio station we have down here is the vault PA system!" Eddy complained.

"It's like listening to a lecture by a school teacher or a nagging parent! 'Do this, do that, clean your Pip-Boy, don't open the vault door, procreation is your civic duty', whatever that means. I can't stand it anymore!" whined Eddy as he slammed his fists down onto the table. "Speaking of nagging, where are our parents?"

"The Overseer said that they were transferred to another vault somewhere. I'm not sure which one. Perhaps I can find out more about it in the library. After all, I am the librarian's assistant." said Edd.

"Oh sure, you got the easy job. All you do is catalog stuff into the computer while staying inside the nice, cozy, library room. While I'm stuck down in the dark, dank maintenance level, tuning Pip-Boys for a living! How the heck did I end up with that job? I don't even know how a Pip-Boy works! Maybe someone messed up the answers I wrote on our G.O.A.T. test."

The Generalized Occupational Aptitude Test or G.O.A.T. was a test taken by all citizens of the vault who were old enough to begin work. The test asked a series of multiple choice questions related to useful skills and personality traits. Depending on how the taker answers the questions an instructor would determine which job in the vault would be right for person.

Eddy, being a slacker and generally not caring when it came to taking tests, was given the position of Pip-Boy Mechanic/Programmer, a job which required him to work down in the maintenance department. Having a career in the maintenance department is frowned upon by other members of the vault, and is considered the lowest level in the hypothetical vault caste system.

"Well I feel sorry for you Eddy. Perhaps one day life will be different down in Vault 23." said Edd before he got up and bused his food tray.

"Yeah, yeah. Maybe one day." said Eddy while he, once again, checked the time on his Pip-Boy. He actually managed to read the clock this time. "Holy crud, look at the time! I better hurry up and get some breakfast." Eddy hurried over to the food aisle in the cafetorium where a three armed, hovering robot named Niles was serving the food. This robot happened to be the "Mister Handy Mark II: Butler Edition" type robot. Complete with a cheesy British accent.

"Good day master Edward" said Niles in his cheesy robotic British accent. "What may I serve you?"

"Uh... Just give me a pancake or two, and make it quick." replied Eddy as he anxiously waited for his meal to be delivered before he had to go to work.

"Certainly sir, here you are." said Niles as he put out a platter of pancakes in front of Eddy. "Allow me to allocate them into modest proportions for you, sir." In other words: slice them into bit-sized pieces. Niles rotated the lower half of his body so that his third arm, which had a buzz saw attached to it, faced the platter. He then fired up the buzz saw and accidentally ripped the platter to shreds, making a mess all around the counter. "Oh my, I'm terribly sorry sir. My mechanical coordination processors have not been functioning properly lately."

Eddy angrily growled to himself. An announcement then came on over the intercom. It was a message from Overseer Elron.

"Attention citizens of Vault 23. The morning work hours have begun. All dayshift operatives, report to your work stations! Nightshift operatives, your work hours have concluded."

All the kids in the cafetorium jumped out of their seats and began to head towards their designated work stations.

"Well, see yah guys, I'm off to work. Those toilets won't unclog themselves, you know. Hah, ha ha!" laughed Ed as he ran off towards the restrooms.

"See you later Eddy. Perhaps we can socialize with each other more after work. Oh and one more thing." said Edd as he pulled something out from the pocket of his jumpsuit. "I apologize for the obliteration of your most important meal of the day. Because I feel that a person should always eat breakfast, I want you to have my extra standard issue breakfast bar to help you get through the work day." said Edd as he handed him a Vault-Tec standard issue "Pep-Bar 3000".

"Oh great, another Communist item!" said Eddy.

"Pardon me?" asked Edd not realizing all the things Eddy went through this morning.

"Uh, nothing." replied Eddy as he took the bar.

Edd walked into and elevator and ascended to the top level of the vault where the library and Overseer command center were located.

"Later, Double-D" said Eddy before Edd left. Eddy he walked into a separate elevator and pushed a button with the number four imprinted on it.

Eddy then descended to the fourth level of the vault. It was the maintenance department. It was here where the geothermal energy generators, which supplied power to the vault, were located. Because of this, the entire level was hot, humid, steamy, and overall made the place a dreadful environment. Eddy worked in a corner office for 9 hours where he assembled together the brand new Pip-Boy 3000s. All that time he was fantasizing how awesome it would be to be in possession of the device and not having to take any insults from Kevin. After work, Eddy caught up with Edd and Ed in the atrium where they socialized for the rest of the day. When the intercom came on and announced that the night curfew had begun, all the dayshift workers returned to their dwellings while the nightshift workers continued on working. Eddy walked back to his living quarter, changed out of his uncomfortable jumpsuit, and went to bed. Before he fell asleep he thought about what Edd had said to him in the cafetorium; if things _really_ were going to be different.

Life in Vault 23 for Eddy was indeed an imperfect routine, but life in the vault was about to change...


	2. Chapter 2: A State of Emergency

**Chapter 2: A State of Emergency**

I have paused the story to take a moment to explain to you the importance and hard labor it takes to maintain a vault the size of Vault 23 and other things to help you understand the setting better.

As mentioned in the previous chapter, the vault mainly gets its power from a set of geothermal power generators which means that the generators take the heat and pressure from beneath the earth and convert it into energy. It takes a lot of work to maintain these generators which is why it is mandatory that the older kids in the vault, mostly the kids from Lemon Brook because of their large stature, are assigned to monitor the generators. The middle aged kids, such as the kids from Peach Creek, are usually assigned to less "demanding" jobs such as janitorial work, security, or archiving information. The vault's occupants are important to the vault's success; in fact there wouldn't be a need for a vault if there weren't any people. Every kid in the vault starts work at the age of ten. Sarah and Jimmy, in this case, are just a few shy years of being put to work, and they mostly spend their time lollygagging through the many corridors.

The final, and probably most crucial, element to a vault would be the water purification system. The water purification system is used for the filtration and purification of the water stored in the vault's H2O reserve tanks. The filtration system is monitored by a piece of hardware known as the "water chip". Without the chip the purification system would fail and Vault 23's citizens would have nothing but tainted water to drink, which would either kill them in a matter of days upon consumption, or they would die of dehydration. It is here where our dilemma begins…

The day started off as per usual for Eddy; he got out of bed, ate breakfast at the cafetorium, and worked all day in the maintenance level. But towards the end of the day his schedule had a curveball thrown into it, one that would possibly change his life forever. At the end of his work shift, while he was chatting to Edd and Ed in the atrium of the vault, a message came over the PA system from the overseer, rather than his normal, cheery voice, he sounded anxious and impatient.

"Would Eddy, uh… McGee please report to the overseer's office immediately!"

The unfortunate thing was that everyone in the vault heard the message and as Eddy walked toward the elevator to the overseer's office people started to spread rumors amongst each other why Eddy was being called down. This wouldn't have bothered Eddy so much if Rolf and Kevin hadn't blurted their whole story out to everyone in the hallways.

"Oh, what has the square headed Ed-boy done this time?" teased Rolf as Eddy passed by him in the hall.

"Maybe he was caught stealing food vouchers. Again!" laughed Kevin who accompanied Rolf in the teasing of Eddy. "I guess you're used to this kind of thing, after all, it happened everyday during grade school! Looks like Dorky's getting called down to principal Elron's office. Hope you don't get _expelled_ from the vault!" again mocked Kevin as he reminded Eddy of all the times he was called down to the principal's office at school.

Eddy tried to ignore the insults as he walked into an elevator, pressed a button with the number "1" imprinted on it, and ascended to the top floor of the vault. The overseer's office was located on the 1st floor along with the library, a meeting room, water purification system monitors, and the armory, which contained all the weapons used emergency situations.

After exiting the elevator, Eddy walked down a short hallway until he reached a midsize, rectangular, sliding door with the number "23" engraved on it where Jonny was standing up straight next to it acting as a security guard.

"Say, Jonny-boy." asked Eddy "I gotta see Overseer Elron, ya' mind letting me into his office?"

"Oooooohh" said Jonny in curiosity, "Are you in trouble?"

"I honestly have no idea and that's what I'm trying to find out, so if you can just let me—" said Eddy who was growing rather impatient before he was interrupted by Jonny.

"What'd you do, what'd you do?" asked an excited Jonny, "No wait, let me guess. I know! Did you get caught stealing food vouchers again? Cuz you know, Kevin told me that—"

"JONNY! LET ME IN ALREADY!" yelled Eddy whose impatience had finally reached its peak.

"Alright already. Boy Plank, people can be so grouchy sometimes." Said Jonny to Plank, as his wooden friend sat by his side. Jonny the punched a code into a little panel near the door and it then opened itself up, granting Eddy to access the office.

As Eddy passed by Jonny and entered the office. When the door closed he mumbled to himself "Darn tree hugger." As Eddy entered the office he noticed how moderately large it was. The walls were lined with computer monitors, the water purification monitoring station was situated in the corner of the room, there were control panels situated in a circle around the center of the room, and in this said center was the overseer's chair, currently occupied, resting on an elevated platform with a circular computer panel surrounding the chair. Eddy then noticed a frightening feature of the overseer's chair platform. There where a pair of mounted miniguns, located on each side the chair supposedly used for defensive purposes. A voice called out to Eddy form atop the platform.

"Edward Mcgee, thank goodness you're here!" said Overseer Elron. He pushed a button on the control panel of his chair and the platform lowered down. He hopped out of his chair down to the spot Eddy was standing. This was the first time Eddy has ever seen the overseer. Although he had occasionally seen an important looking figure observing his workstation form time to time he wasn't entirely sure if that was the overseer or not. He felt as if this truly was the first time they have met.

When Eddy first saw Elron he was surprised, Elron looked like a decent young adult. He was tall, had brown eyes, short, slicked back brown hair, looked as if he was about 19-20 years old, had appeared to have started to grow a small goatee, and dressed in a much finer, much cleaner vault issued jumpsuit. There was a badge on the top left corner of his chest of the Vault-Tec logo, which identified him as the Overseer of the Vault. Eddy was surprised at Elron's appearance because of the fact he sounded so cheery over the PA system, this lead Eddy to think that he was, well… "Genderly Confused".

Elron spoke, "Again, I thank that you're here. Let me start off by asking… Is McGee really your last name?"

"Nah, I just pretend it is because it rhymes." replied Eddy.

"Ok then…" said Elron. After a brief awkward silence Elron spoke again. "Listen, I called you down here because we have a problem and I need you help."

"Alright, what's the problem?" asked Eddy

"Look, do you know about the water purification system?" asked Elron whole thinking if he chose the right man for the job.

"Isn't that where we get our water or something?" asked Eddy, not exactly sure how the system worked.

"Yes, kind of. It's a system that filters and cleans out our water supplies. Here's our problem. Let's see, how do I put this?" questioned Elron to himself, trying to explain the situation to Eddy in simpler terms. "There is this computer chip we call the "water chip". This chip coordinates, regulates, and monitors the operations of the purification system. Our water chip has been broken, somehow."

"Yeah." said Eddy, trying to figure out where this conversation was going to.

"You see, without that chip our water supplies will become tainted or poisoned by radiation from above, and will become unsafe for consumption. No water, no vault. We can't go on without it, and we don't have the right parts to build another one."

"Don't we have a replacement chip or something?" questioned Eddy.

"Unfortunately we don't. Each vault was supposed to come with two water chips, in case the second one broke. But our replacement chip was accidentally sent to another vault." said Elron.

"Well why don't we contact that other vault and see if they can send us back our chip?" asked Eddy.

"Mainly because of two reasons. One: we don't know which vault it was sent to, and Two: we have an extremely poor way of contacting the outside world. All we have is a small radio frequency that only spans within a mile's radius of the vault."

"So what do you want me to do?" said Eddy, hoping to get to the point.

"I want you to journey to the outside world to find a replacement water chip." said Elron, as he finally got to the point.

"What! Why me?" yelled Eddy, overwhelmed by this heavy burden that was suddenly placed on him.

"Well from what I've heard from the other vault citizens, you were tired of our way of life down here, that you wanted a change in your daily routine." Said Elron

"Yeah but that doesn't mean I wanted 'wasteland survival 101' as a daily activity!" argued Eddy.

"Wait, hold on. Think about it. You'd be doing a great deed for Vault 23 if you manage to find us the water chip. Maybe even the citizens of the vault will see as a hero or something. You could become very popular and well liked among the community." said Elron as he tried to win Eddy's consideration.

Eddy thought about his decision for a while. After several minutes of pondering Eddy finally came up with a response.

"Fine, I'll do it."

"Thank you, Eddy. You will be doing a great deed for the vault." thanked Elron.

"Ok, so. Where do I begin?" asked Eddy.

Elron walked over to a computer terminal near bye. And started searching for information. After a brief moment he found what he was looking for. "Well according to the information in out archives, the nearest vault from here would be Vault 69, about ten miles south. You should start by checking that vault to see if they have a spare water chip."

"What supplies should I take with me on the journey." Questioned Eddy, concerned on his survival gear.

"I will supply you with a first aid kit, a large water flask, a combat knife, several packages of food, and a 10mm. handgun with ammunition. You have shot a gun before, haven't you?" asked Elron.

"Uh, kind of… Do BB guns count?" replied Eddy.

"You'll do" said Elron. "And I also forgot to mention, we have estimated that our water supplies will last for another 5 months which equals about 151 days so you must find that water chip before then."

"Oh great, just another obstacle to face." complained Eddy.

"Indeed… If you ever run out of medical supplies, feel free to come back to the vault. We will resupply you with as much medic gear as we can." Said Elron.

"Great. So when do I leave?" asked Eddy.

"You may leave tomorrow morning at the latest. Remember, you only have a limited amount of time to find the chip." said Elron.

"Right, I got it." said Eddy as he began to walk back to his room.

"Oh and Eddy." said Elron as Eddy turned around. "You may need this." Elron walked over to Eddy and handed him a brand new Pip-Boy 3000.

"Holy crud! Are you serous?" asked Eddy in disbelief.

"I'm serious. If you go ahead into the next room my mechanic will install it onto your arm for you."

"Wow, this is awesome! Thank you Elron, my good man. I'll tell the others you're not as bad as they think." Say Eddy as he excitedly ran into the next room to have his Pip-Boy installed.

Elron just stood there in a moment of disbelief. "How can people not like me?" he said to himself. He then quietly slipped back to his chair.

After the installation, Eddy walked back towards the living quarters he pondered not only about the great journey ahead of him but of how he was to break the bad news to his friends. The night curfew was about to be enforced when Eddy managed to find Edd and Ed walking down a hallway to their rooms. Eddy caught up with the two and told them everything that happened during his meeting with the overseer.

"Is it true that the vault's water supplies will be extinguished?" asked Edd.

"I guess it is." replied Eddy

"No water! Ahhhhh!" screamed Ed as he ran around the hallway screaming. "Must, rehydrate, self!" Ed spotted a nearby "Nuka-Cola" vending machine, he started punching it until it dispensed out a truck load of bottles of his favorite soft drink. Ed pulled the cap off the top of the glass bottle with his bare hands and started to take huge gulps of the cola. After about three or four bottles of cola, Ed was finally refreshed. "Ok, I am no longer thirsty. Ha, ha ha!" laughed Ed.

"Quite… Anyways, so the overseer chose you to go out and recover the water chip?" asked Edd

"That's right. I'm slated to leave tomorrow morning." said Eddy.

"Well I hope you take care of yourself out there, Eddy. The wasteland may be a dangerous place." Said Edd in a cautious tone.

"Oh come on, I'm sure it can't be that bad out there. Maybe it'll be a little dry and I might get a little radiated, but really. Is radiation really gonna kill me?" said Eddy

"Eddy, there is such a thing known as 'radiation poisoning' you know." replied Edd.

"Oh gee, thanks for telling me that." said Eddy in a somewhat sarcastic tone.

An announcement on the PA system broke their conversation.

"Attention vault citizens. The night curfew is in effect. Report back to your rooms immediately."

"Oh my. We must get going." Said Edd as he anxiously tried to hurry back to his room.

"Wait a second!" yelled Eddy as he tried to get his friends attention back. He picked up three bottles of Nuka-Cola off the ground where Ed had punched the vending machine. He gave one bottle to Edd and another bottle to Ed. Eddy raised his own bottle and said "To a sucky life". All three Eds clinked their bottles together. "Well, at least I got this new Pip-Boy." said Eddy as he admired his new piece of tech.

As Edd and Eddy began to drink theirs Ed just stood by the side clenching his stomach.

"What's wrong Ed?" asked Edd.

"Auuughh. Soda bad for Ed." said Ed as he obviously had a stomach ache from drinking too many sodas in one sitting.

After their last hurrah, the Eds scrambled back to their rooms. When Eddy reached his room all he did was just lay in his bunk with his eyes wide open, reluctant to go to sleep, for he knew of the perilous journey that awaited him the next day.

The inevitable day eventually came. Eddy packed up all the supplies Overseer Elron gave to him, and he added a 150 day timer to his Pip-Boy to remind him of how many days he had to find the chip. As Eddy walked down the hallway toward the vault door all the kids in the hallway stopped and looked at him. They all knew of the water situation and they knew of Eddy's quest. Some saw him as a hero, other thought of him as a fool. Ignoring the whispers coming from the kids in the hall, Eddy continued his walk towards the vault door.

He finally reached the vault door room where Overseer Elron was waiting for him near a control panel. Eddy observed the room, there was a small command center booth on the left side of the room and there was a large, hydraulic arm hanging from the ceiling. There were many screw shaped tips coming of the end of the arm, which were to be inserted into the door of the vault to grab hold of it and move it aside. In the center of the room, he noticed the vault door. It looked as if it was shaped like a cog wheel and it was fitted tightly in a cog shaped hole in the wall. Eddy then nodded at the overseer to open up the vault. Overseer Elron flicked a switch on the control panel in front of him. Suddenly bright red lights began to flash inside the room, a siren was ringing and a loud hissing noise was heard. It was the hydraulic arm being lowered from the ceiling. Some of the kids from the vault stood near the doorway of the room, peaking in to see what all the commotion was. The hydraulic arm had been lowered. It then locked itself into a tumbler hole in the vault door. A loud screeching sound was emitted as the giant arm then pulled the vault's cog shaped door inward. The corroded metal of the vault door scratched against the walls of the vault, while emitting sparks due to the intense friction, the screeching noise got even more intense and made nails to a chalkboard sound like Mozart. After the arm pulled the vault door inside, it rolled it over to the right side of the room. After the sirens stopped blaring, Eddy started to walk towards the vault entrance. When he stood at the border between the vault and the outside. He hesitated for a moment and then took his first step outside Vault 23. He turned around to see all of the kids from the cul-de-sac standing in the door way watching him. Everyone was there; Rolf, Jonny, Kevin, Nazz, Sarah, Jimmy, Edd, Ed, and even the Kanker Sisters were there, though Edd and Ed were the only ones waving goodbye to him from inside the vault. Eddy did a small wave back and then proceeded to explore the room he was in.

He looked around the dark room he was in, but then he realized it wasn't a room, it was more like a cave. The walls were rocky and the ground was full of dirt. He then noticed a light coming from the exit of the cave and he began to walk towards it. Along the way he noticed some skeletons lying in the cave. Some of them had picket signs near them. Eddy read some of them. They said things like "Help Us!" or "We're dying out here!" or "Let us in!". Eddy couldn't help but feel sorry for these people, whoever they were. As Eddy approached the a small, rickety door, with light coming from behind it, that stood as an entrance to the cave, Eddy could hear sirens in the background. He turned around and saw the vault door closing.

"Hey, wait a minute!" thought Eddy as he ran back towards the door, but it was too late. The vault door rolled back into place and was pushed back into its locked position. The last thing saw on the door was a big, yellow number "23" painted in the center of the vault door.

"Well, I guess there's no where else to go than out." thought Eddy as he made his way back towards the cave exit. As he pushed open the rickety door to the cave he was blinded by the brightness of natural sunlight. His eyes started to sting and he had to shield them until he got used to the sunlight.

This was the welcoming party for the wasteland…


	3. Chapter 3: Welcome to the Wasteland

**Author's Note: **I'm sorry I wasn't able to post this chapter last week or the week before, my internet was shut off. That, and I've been having a bit of "writer's block" But my internet is back up and I now give you the long awaited third chapter of Desolation Ed. After seeing Eddy venture off alone into the wasteland, I bet some of you are wondering if Ed and Edd are just going to be minor characters in the story. Fear not, both Ed and Edd will accompany Eddy on his adventure during the second half of the story. Now let us proceed with Chapter 3.

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**Chapter 3: Welcome to the Wasteland **

The intense sunlight shined down upon Eddy and blinded for a few moments, for Eddy has spent a long time inside the vault and his eyes had to get used to natural sunlight. Eddy shut his eyes tight but even with his eyelids fully closed he could still feel the stinging sensation of the sunlight burning a path through his cornea.

"I got to get through this, somehow." He thought to himself. He then slowly opened his eyelids, allowing his eyes to adjust to the sunlight. After they adjusted, Eddy finally was able to see what had become of the earth. The earth was indeed a desolate wasteland. The ground has become a coarse, rough terrain; there were almost no signs of plant life except for the occasional dead tree and tumble weed. This arid wasteland seemed to stretch far beyond what the eye can see. Eddy walked up to one of the dead trees scattered about the wasteland and observed it. It has been stripped of all its leaves, its branches were bare, and its bark had a charred, black, surface. Eddy scraped some of the bark off the tree; all that came off was a powdery black ash.

Eddy then observed the horizon. He spotted a building which he thought looked like a factory. After walking about half a mile towards it he finally recognized the building. It was the old junkyard factory. Eddy decided to check inside the factory to see if there was anything interesting within. That, and it was better than waiting outside in the blazing heat.

When Eddy stepped inside the factory it was mostly dark, except for the occasional ray of sunshine seeping through the vents in the ceiling. It was humid on the inside but sure beat the heat. Eddy was on the factory floor of the building, except that he noticed that there was no machinery inside. All that was left inside were a few crates, the occasional tin can, random piles of junk and scrap metal, and an extremely dirty floor.

"Dang, this place makes Ed's basement look like a sterile hospital room." Said Eddy to himself.

He walked around the room a bit until he came across one of the piles of crates.

"Maybe there's some good loot in here." He thought to himself.

He grabbed a mid-sized metal footlocker, sticking out from the pile of crates, and pried the top open. All that was inside was a half empty pack of cigarettes, an empty whiskey bottle, and a bobby pin.

"What? There's nothing but junk in here! Huh, the joke's on me." Said Eddy to himself when he just realized he was in a junkyard factory.

Just then, Eddy heard a small screeching noise from behind him. He quickly jumped around to see what made the noise.

"Who's there?" he yelled.

Eddy couldn't see anything. Whoever or whatever made the noise had fled into the shadows, away from the beams of light coming from the vents in the ceiling.

Eddy squinted into the darkness to try to spot the perpetrator of the noise.

"This place is starting to give me the creeps." Thought Eddy to himself while having second thoughts about coming into the building.

But just then he heard another sound, more like a scurrying type of sound. This time he saw some movement in the darkness.

"Oh geez!" cried Eddy to himself. Pumped with fear, he pulled out the 10mm handgun the overseer gave him and aimed it into the direction he thought the creature had fled to.

"Alright, whoever you are you'd better show yourself! I don't want to accidentally fire my gun at you." Yelled Eddy into the darkness. He slowly stepped back into the beams of sunlight, hoping the creature would be hesitant to step into the light, thus giving him a chance to attack.

Eddy then saw more movement in the darkness, a large, round, figure began to approach him. The creature then stepped foot into the light. The first thing Eddy was a large snout, it had many whickers at the tip of it's disfigured nose, it's mouth constantly drooled with excess salivation. As more of it stepped into the sunlight Eddy began to realize what the heck this thing was. It had beady black eyes and huge claws that looked as if it could tear flesh open, easily. It had a round, furry body though there were some spots on it where fur had been ripped off. Lastly, it had a long, veiny, tail. Eddy finally realized what this thing was. It was a giant, mutated rat! It's body had grown several times it's original size due to the radiation effects of the bombs that have dropped. It must have survived the attack by hiding down in the bowels of the factory. The rat began to snarl at Eddy. Eddy was now officially scared to death, adrenaline was pumping through his body like water through a fire hose.

"Holy sh-!" yelled Eddy before firing his gun at the rat. He missed his first shot but the rat had been scared off. It darted past Eddy and scurried back into the shadows.

"I'm getting the heck out of here!" cried Eddy as he ran back to the doors of the factory.

He slammed opened the doors and ran far away from the factory, screaming like a 3-year old for about two minutes straight. After losing his energy, and after figuring he was at a safe distance, Eddy stopped and rested against an old, rusty, vehicle to take a breather. After resting for about another minute he looked around and observed the location he was at. It appeared that he had ran into the old junkyard. He turned around and saw that the vehicle he was resting against was the old purple van that he and the other two Eds had played in before the war. The van wasn't so purple anymore. Rust had taken over it's purple color scheme and flame paintjob.

"Hey, I remember this van! I must be in the junkyard." Said Eddy. He opened up the back door to the van and looked inside. The seats had worn out and the water bed had deflated a long time ago. Despite the deplorable condition of the interior Eddy decided that it was still a good place to take a break and think out his plan to get to Vault 69.

"How the heck am I supposed to find Vault 69? Hey, wait a minute!" Said Eddy in surprise as he remembered that he had left his vault with one of the most vital piece of technology locked to his arm, the Pip-Boy 3000 wrist mounted computer.

Eddy held up his arm in front of him. He took a moment to admire the fancy piece of hardware the Overseer had given him for his quest. It was about the size of Etch-a-Sketch, it even had a few knobs on the left side of it which were used to scroll through the tabs in the screen. Speaking of which, the screen had taken up about 80% of the device, it had a monochromatic display of green icons and a black background. There were three red buttons near the bottom of the display screen; each had a word engraved right above it. The first one read "Stats", the other one read "Items" and the last one read "Data". Lastly there was a small vent located on the underside of the Pip-Boy which was used to keep the device from overheating. With all these flamboyant pieces of hardware etched into the Pip-Boy, it made Eddy think that the thing looked like an industrial sized wrist-watch on steroids.

"This thing looks pretty complicated. I bet Double-D would be a whiz at figuring this thing out; He's into that kind of stuff." Said Eddy as he desperately tried to determine which tab the GPS map was located on.

"Uh… Hmm… Maybe this button." Said Eddy as he pressed the red button with the word "Data" engraved above it. Sure enough, a monochromatic map of the local area popped up on his Pip-Boy screen. The terrain of the land on the Pip-Boy were different shades of green and black. With his right hand (as the Pip-Boy was stuck onto his left wrist), Eddy fiddled around with the knobs on the side of the screen, trying to figure out how to move the GPS pointer in the right direction. It was as difficult as trying to draw a perfect circle on an Etch-a-Sketch. He eventually got used to formidable process of having to move the pointer around. After searching around the map a few times he finally found the location of Vault 69. It was a few miles southeast of his location, on the outskirts of what looked like a demolished town of some sorts.

"Aha! Found it!" cheered Eddy. "Now all I got to do is walk a few miles towards the Vault, take the waterchip, then return back to my vault as the rest of the kids worship me as their hero for life. Victory, thy name is Eddy!" said Eddy as he jumped up and striked a heroic pose. Once he jumped out of the van the intense heat of the wasteland reached him. He suddenly felt a loss of energy as he stumbled out of his high and mighty pose and back into the van. "On second thought, what's the rush?" Said Eddy as he hesitated to start his trek towards Vault 69. "Hmm… I wonder what else this thing can do." He asked as he looked once again at his Pip-Boy. He pressed the button with the word "Stats" engraved above it and it took him to a tab marked "Status". The screen showed an outline of his body with a bunch of "health bars" pointed at each of his major limbs. His legs, arms, torso, and head all had a full health bar next to them.

"Whoa, this thing can tell me if my arms are working properly? Cool!" said Eddy in astonishment. "What else can it tell me?" Using the pointer, Eddy clicked on a green tab at the bottom of the screen that read "Skills". The Pip-Boy then showed Eddy a list of "Skills" that Eddy had, along with a description of each and an accompanying image of "Vault Boy", the cartoon mascot of the Vault-Tec Corporation, illustrating the skill. The list included 13 different skills:

Barter

Big Guns

Energy Weapons

Explosives

Lockpick

Medicine

Melee Weapons

Repair

Science

Small Guns

Sneak

Speech

Unarmed.

Eddy noticed that each of the skills had different number to the right of them. Some of the skills had a much higher number than the others. Eddy noticed that the three highest skills he had were Barter with the number 76 next to it, Sneak with the number 78 next to it, and Speech with a 71 next to it. The rest of his skills were less than 47.

"Holy crud, this thing can tell me how good my skills are? Who was the genius who invented this thing!" said Eddy as he developed a fondness for his Pip-Boy.

A great thumping sound broke the moment. It came from above the van. Eddy started to look around the van in hopes of finding out where the sound came from.

"Oh geez, this better not be another mutated rat!"

Eddy pulled out his handgun in anticipation. This time he planned to not miss at the creature he was aiming for. Little did he know that this thing was a whole lot worse than any giant rat…

Eddy was busy looking at the driver's seat of the van, he didn't notice the large object being lowered from the roof of the van, the object creped through the open back doors of the van. Another "thump" sound was made, this time it came from the object in the back of the van. Eddy turned around and came face to face with what looked like a giant stinger, like the kind you would find on some sort of… Arthropod.

"What now!" cried Eddy.

The stinger lunged at Eddy but he managed to duck in time. He Eddy crawled along the floor of the van as the stinger continued to jab at him. He tried shooting his gun a few times at the stinger but he missed all shots, the bullets only ricocheted off the walls of the van while sending sparks in the air. The gun had run out of ammo and Eddy had to reload. He didn't have time to reload so he just focused on escaping the van. Eddy managed to crawl to the driver's seat and climb out the passenger door of the van. Eddy tried to run away to a safe distance where he can reload but he tripped on a pile of junk and fell to the ground.

Eddy then rolled over on his back and looked towards the van where he caught a site of a much more horrendous and intimidating opponent than a rat. On top of the van was a giant, mutated scorpion. Like the rat, the scorpion was affected by the effects of the nuclear radiation during the war. It had grown much larger than its original size, it was as almost big as the van itself! It had a dark colored appearance, it had a tough looking plated backside. It had also grown multiple eyes in the region where you'd expect its face o be, each of the eyes where a shiny, pitch black color. The menacing looking eyes looked as if they could peer into your soul. The claws were also a menacing sight, the rigid pinchers looked as if they could pinch through steel itself! And in the rear was the tail that came close to killing Eddy. Unlike the rest of the scorpion's dark colored body, the poison sac at the tip of the tail was a milky white color which supplied the poison to the needle point stinger, it practically oozed venom!

The radscorpion crawled down from the van, using its powerful eight legs. Eddy had managed to reload his handgun and scrambled back up to his feet. He ran towards another old, rusty car and jumped on top of the hood, hoping it would somehow give him a better chance of hitting the radscorpion. As the radscorpion crawled closer Eddy aimed the gun at its face and, while holding the gun with both hands for better control, fired.

Direct hit! The bullet had hit the radscorpion and had taken out one of its many dark eyes. (I would go into more gory details of the critical hit on the eye but I'm afraid my fanfic will be taken down off the site for excessive violence) However, the radscorpion was still alive and was even more ticked off than before. It charged at Eddy in a furious rage, knocking him off the car. Eddy aimed the handgun at the radscorpion again and fired. The bullets hit the radscorpion's pinchers but it didn't seem to do any damage. The scorpion again lunged its stinger at Eddy, this time striking him in his right hand. Eddy yelped in pain, the gun flew out of his hands and was out of reach. His hand started to bleed, he held it with his other hand to help coagulate the blood. Eddy stood up and ran for his life. The radscorpion chased all through out the junkyard. The scorpion eventually cornered him between a barbwire fence and a stack of beat up cars. The scorpion closed in for the final strike but all of a sudden a loud voice called out to Eddy.

"Get down, kid!"

Eddy couldn't see where the voice came from but he quickly obeyed it. Eddy threw himself to the ground and shut his eyes tight. The next thing he heard was the sound of a gunshot. Then another, then another… Finally, he heard the sound of the beast shrieking in pain, then silence.

Eddy opened his eyes and saw the scorpion, dead, in front of him. He observed the still, lifeless body of the once threatening scorpion. Eddy turned around to see a figure walking towards him, with a hunting rifle in his hands. The figure was now standing in front of him.

"Just what the Heck do you think you're doing all alone out here?" said the stranger.

The stranger had the appearance of a homeless person. His grimy gray hair was unkempt, he had patches of dirt all over his face, and his slightly gray beard and mustache were neglected and untidy. There was a painful looking scar running down his left face cheek, and he looked like rough, tough survivor of the wasteland though he appeared to be in his early forties. His clothes consisted of a dirty, tan colored button up shirt, a filthy scarf wrapped around his already filthy neck to protect it from sunburn, his pants were also a filthy dirt color, torn by excessive wear, and his boots had definitely seen better days.

Eddy was trying to think of a response to the stranger's question. Was he to tell him that he was on a quest for the water chip? What if this guy was a crazy person? Would he force Eddy to reveal the location of the vault so he can go take it over? Eddy saw that the man was growing impatient and wanted an answer. Eddy took a chance with mentioning his vault and replied.

"Uh, I was sent from my vault to see if the surface was, uh, safe to explore." Said Eddy hoping then man would believe his story.

"Well you better tell your little vault friends that it's to best stay where they are. That there vault is probably a thousand times safer than this danged wasteland." said the stranger with a slight southern accent in his voice. He then noticed that Eddy was clenching a bloody hand. "You'd best stay with us for a while, them radscorpions come in packs, and their venom can be deadly if untreated. We'd better get you patched up." Said the stranger as he turned around and waved his hands at two other men who were standing atop a large wall made of junk cars.

The men lowered down a large metal plate which was covering the back end of a semi truck trailer. The trailer was a passage to the settlement where the men dwelled.

"Welcome to the wasteland, kid". Said the stranger as he and Eddy walked through the trailer into the settlement. The Men on the car wall then raised back up the door to the passage, shielding it from the hazards of the wastes.


	4. Chapter 4: The Proposition

**Author's Note**: If you enjoyed the story, write a review. Remember; reviews = good for me, good for you, and good for everyone.

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**Chapter 4: The Proposition**

Eddy and the stranger were inside the semi truck trailer passageway. A slab of sheet metal in front of them lowered down like a drawbridge. Eddy and the stranger stepped out of the trailer and into what seems to be one of humanity's deplorable attempts to recolonize the earth.

Eddy ignored the pain coming from his hand as he was preoccupied with the sight that was bestowed upon him. Eddy stood there with his eyes opened wide with a mix of curiosity and disbelief. There were other people roaming around in the junkyard, who had survived the war, only these people didn't look like they came from any vault, they looked as if they had been living out in the wasteland for years. Not only have they survived but they even have set up a small shanty town in the junkyard. Poorly built shacks, made from whatever scrap metal the Wastelanders came across, lined every corner of the junkyard. The Wastelanders went about their daily lives; some were carrying loads of junk, others were bartering with other strangers, and a few of them were just living in the moment.

"What is this place?" questioned Eddy to the stranger.

"This here is our own little refuge from the wastes." replied the stranger.

"So you all live in this dump?" said Eddy, who has obviously never heard of the word "sensitivity".

"…Yeah, that's it. As a matter of fact, we just so happen to call this place 'Junktown'." replied the stranger who was becoming annoyed.

"So who are you?" asked Eddy.

"The name's Keith. I guard the entrance to the town." Said Keith who just now noticed the significant amount of blood Eddy's right hand was coated in. "Boy, you'd better get that hand of yours checked out by our doctor. That radscorpion poison will mess yer body systems up bad. We wouldn't exactly call our doc a professional but he'll get the job done… Most of the time."

Eddy whipped up a sarcastic reply "How reassuring." The pain in his hand came back to him. "Geez this hurts. So where's this doc of yours?" questioned Eddy.

"He's over in that shack behind the wooden fence." said Keith as he pointed in the direction behind Eddy.

"Alright then." said Eddy as he began to walk away. "Oh yeah, um… Thank for saving my skin back there."

"All in a days work kid." replied Keith as he slung his rifle over his shoulder and walked back to his post.

Eddy walked in the general direction where Keith had pointed, trying to figure out where the doctor's office was located.

"The shack behind the fence." mumbled Eddy, repeating Keith's directions to himself. "There's like a dozen shacks behind fences around here!"

He walked past one of these fences but stopped dead in his tracks after spotting another horribly mutated abomination to mankind. There, staring him down like an angry bull, enclosed by the fence, was a hideously deformed two headed cow! The thing looked diseased; its skin a leathery brownish color, a large utter coated with blemishes and boils sagged down from its undercarriage, all while flies buzzed around the miserable creature 24/7. It had a moody look on the two of its faces, a look that seemed to implore "Kill Me".

Eddy stared at the creature for a bit then slowly back away. "This town just keeps getting weirder and weirder." He said to himself.

Eddy then came across a shack where it looks like someone carelessly painted the word "Clinic" on a piece of sheet metal next to the door and decided to call it a sign. It didn't exactly look like the most sanitary place to be treated but it would have to do. The looks of the place made Eddy nervous.

"Maybe there's another doctor" Eddy thought to himself. He then remembered that he was given a first aid kit by the overseer. Eddy opened up his backpack and pulled out a small white container with the words "Vault-Tec Standard Issue Medkit®". Eddy scoffed at the very mention of the words "Standard Issue". He opened up the kit and tried to look for an item that could stop the poison. Unfortunately the only things the kit included were a few bandages, a roll of gauze, some aspirin, a tube of ointment, and a pamphlet entitled "Coping with Mr. Virus". Eddy grumbled to himself but then noticed a disclaimer on the back of the box. It read: "Vault-Tec All-in-One Infirmary Kit® issued separately. Ask your Vault-Tec representative for order details."

Eddy scoffed, "Vault-Tec; they got the power and the money to save you from a nuclear holocaust yet they're too cheap to give you a decent First Aid kit!"

Eddy shoved the lousy medkit back into his backpack and decided to pay a visit to the clinic. Eddy knocked a few times, with his good hand, on the door and after a few minutes a rather disgruntled looking man pulled open the door. He wore a tattered labcoat and well as a tattered pair of brown pants to complete his "bum" appearance. He was almost completely bald except for a small patch of hair at the top of his head. His voice was raspy as well.

"I already told you Ted, I'm not supplying you with any more morphine shots! And if you think that-". The man stopped shouting for half a second when he realized that it was not "Ted" who was standing at the door but Eddy.

"Wait a minute. You're not Ted."

"I'm pretty sure I'm not" slyly replied Eddy.

"Then what the heck are you doing here?" asked the Doc.

"Oh, I don't know. I just wanted to stop by, say hello, and maybe- What do you think I'm doing here!" yelled Eddy, spewing sarcasm from his mouth. He then proceeded to hold up his bloody right hand.

"Rule number one, kid: watch the way you talk. The people around here don't take to kindly to rudeness... Which is why I'm pretty much the most hated person in town."

"Ok, Ok, geez. So can you patch my hand up or not?" replied Eddy.

The doctor examined Eddy's hand.

"I suppose I could fix your hand but it'll cost ya."

"But I don't even have any money." Yelled Eddy

"Welcome to America!" replied the Doctor as he slowly began to close the door.

Eddy grumbled to himself but then thought up an idea. He reached into his backpack and pulled out the water flask the overseer gave him.

"Wait! I'll trade you this." Eddy then held up the flask.

The doctor took the flask and examined it.

"This is a pretty substandard piece of barware you got here… Ah, what the heck, it's petty decent compared to the other junk I've seen. I'll take it. Maybe I can trick someone into buying it later." replied The Doctor. "Step into my office."

Eddy walked inside and sat in an operation chair. Eddy observed the clinic. It was dirtier on the inside than the outside. There were shelves full of unorganized medical instruments, messy piles of papers scattered across the floor, and a rusty oxygen tank stood in the corner of the room. There was also a surgical tool tray next to the chair Eddy was sitting in. On the tray laid some forceps, many different syringes, and a bone saw with traces of blood along the teeth. The clinic wasn't making Eddy feel very comfortable.

The Doctor walked into the room holding a rectangular shaped bottle of a milky, dark red liquid and a very large syringe. Eddy took one look at the needle on the syringe and the hairs on his neck stood up tall.

Eddy thought to himself "Oh man, this is gonna end up like the time that creepy school nurse tried to give me a booster shot!"

"Alright now kid. I'm gonna need you to not fidget or squirm or do anything that involves movement. I just need to inject some of this home brewed antidote into your veins to help fight the poison. It should work… I hope."

Eddy started to panic, "You know what, it's alright. I could just live the rest of my life pretending to be scorpion boy."

"Don't be an idiot, the injection will just take a few seconds. Then the antidote has to kick in which should take about, hmm… three hours." replied the doctor.

"Three hours! What are you, nuts?" yelled Eddy.

"Rule number two, kid: Don't nag the doctor! Now sit still!" shouted the doctor.

Eddy reluctantly held out his arm. The doctor quickly put down the supplies and strapped Eddy's hand to the chair using some rope lying around on the floor. He then dipped the syringe into the bottle of antidote and then flicked the tip of the needle. Eddy shut his eyes tight as the doctor prepared to inject the needle into his veins.

"Oh by the way, did I ever tell you my name? My name's Doc Morbid. Heh, heh."

"Are you kidding me? Like that's really gonna make me less stressed out!" shouted Eddy in his head. All this commotion caused Eddy to pass out.

A few hours later, Eddy awoke. Dr. Morbid noticed and walked towards him.

"Sheesh kid, it's about time you woke up, I could have sworn you slipped into a coma." said Dr. Morbid.

"Gah, whoa. Am I still here? How long have I been out?" asked Eddy.

"Oh I'd say…" Dr. Morbid pretended to look at a watch on his wrist. "About three freakin hours! At least the antidote had time to get flowin. I even patched up yer hand."

Eddy looked at his right hand. It was wrapped in gauze.

"Uh, ok. Thanks." said Eddy. He hopped off the table and walked towards the door. "Hey, do you know who's the head honcho of this place? I got a few questions for him."

"Well I suggest you head on over to Darkwater's General Store. Its run by a fellow by the name Killian Darkwater, he's the mayor by the way, heck his dad was the one who created this dang town."

"I'll be sure to head on over that way. Thanks again for patching me up." said Eddy as he walked out the door.

"Later." Dr. Morbid waved farewell to Eddy. "Now let's see what I can do about this flask." Dr. Morbid held up the Vault-Tec issued flask Eddy traded him. "I know, I bet people would want to buy it if it was used by The Pope!" Dr. Morbid ran outside looking for the nearest gullible person. He spotted a man, wearing a welder's mask, scrapping fecal matter out of the two headed cow's pen and then silently laughed to himself. "Hey Buddy!" he yelled to the man. "Are you Catholic?"

Eddy walked deeper into Junktown. He eventually spotted a much larger shack than the clinic. There was a much better looking sign out front that read "Darkwater General Store". The white, legible, letters were neatly painted upon a green background. Already Eddy liked the looks of this place better than the clinic. Then only thing that raised his curiosity was that there were two guards standing out in front of the entrance to the building, both decked out in what appeared to be Pre-War bullet proof vests, used by the army during the war. The vests looked tattered and as if they've seen their fair share of gunfights. Each of the two guards also toted with them a gun, not just any old guns; they were AK-112 5mm Assault Rifles to be precise. Though the rifles were an old military model that was out of use during the time of the Great War they still looked as if they would have no trouble pumping a man's body full of lead.

Eddy approached the door with caution. One of the guards halted him.

"Whoa there kid, you can't just waltz right into Darkwater's store!" spoke the guard on the right of the door.

"Why not!" questioned Eddy.

"Because for all we know you could be another juvenile delinquent looking to cause trouble." replied the guard.

Eddy hesitated for a moment.

"Look, all I want is to speak with this Darkwater guy. I swear." said Eddy.

The second guard looked at Eddy with suspicion. He finally spoke. "Do you have any weapons on you?"

Eddy carefully pulled the combat knife the overseer gave him out of his backpack. He replied "All I have is this… Dull looking knife, thing."

The guards examined the knife and then examined Eddy. They exchanged a look at each other. They seemed to believe that Eddy truly had not intention of causing trouble. The first guard spoke again. "Alright, you can go in, but no funny business."

Eddy put the knife back into his backpack and walked into the general store. He wondered to himself "Why are the guards acting so suspicious? Why do they think a kid like me would cause trouble? What were they afraid of?" Eddy examined the inside of the store. It looked almost exactly like the clinic; walls of rusted sheet metal, a weird smell in the air, he even swore that he spotted a small blood stain in the corner of the room. The only difference was that Darkwater's General Store had three times as much space on the inside and that instead of shelves filled with medical supplies and papers, shelves literally filled with junk lined the entire space on the inside. Eddy walked pass all the aisles of scrap metal and other strange items until he reached the back of the room. There, behind a counter, stood a man whom Eddy presumed to be the mayor of Junktown. He didn't exactly look like how you would think a mayor should appear, dressed sharply and professional looking. Instead, this guy looked almost like everyone else in the town. He looked as if he was in his late thirties. His short brown hair was ungroomed. He wore a dusty denim vest and also had a pair of dog tags hanging around his neck. As Eddy approached the counter the man spoke out to him.

"Well, well. It looks like we got a newcomer to our town, a kid no less!

Eddy took a look at the extremely dusty vest the man was wearing and decided to make a sarcastic remark. "Oh wow, denim. Did you come from Vault 1990 or something?"

The man's mood suddenly changed. "Hmm, a comedian, huh? Listen here, behave yourself and don't be stirring up any trouble unless you want to get on my bad side. You hear?"

Eddy stepped back a little. "Ok, ok! Uh, look, I think we've gotten off on the wrong foot so let's start over. I'm Eddy." He then extended his arm, offering a handshake.

"Very wise of you." Replied the man. "The name's Killian Darkwater, and I happen to be the Mayor, Sheriff, Chief Justice, and occasionally the Executioner of this fine settlement. What brings you to my store?"

"I'm looking for this thing called a 'water chip'" said Eddy "it's about yea big—"

He made a small hand gesture.

"And it's got a bunch of wires and tubes and electrical crud on it. I need it to fix the vault I'm from."

Killian raised an eyebrow. "You're from the Vault?"

"Yeah" replied Eddy.

"That one in the mountains Northwest of here?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"I've always wondered what was in that Vault ever since my father sent out a scouting party this one afternoon. They found a large cog shaped, metal door in a cavern during their exploration. My father told me about them giant Vaults the government used to shelter the population for the coming war. Course, my family wasn't wealthy enough to stay in a vault so we had to make our own shelter. Worked out pretty well, considering I'm still alive, and standing here today."

"Wait, you had to pay to get into a vault?" questioned Eddy.

"Of course, isn't that how you got in?" said Killian.

"No, I just got an invitation in the mail one morning that said I can stay in the vault for free. Every kid in my neighborhood got one." replied Eddy.

"So the vault just let you, your parents, and all the other families on the block stay in there for free?" asked Killian.

"Pretty much, except our parents didn't get to stay in the vault with us. The overseer guy said that because of the lack of space, they were moved to another vault or something like that." said Eddy.

"Boy, if my father were alive today he'd probably go out of his way to get revenge against the Vault-Tec Corporation for not including us in the vault. He always was a stubborn man." said Killian.

"How long has he been gone?" asked Eddy.

"About two years. I've had to take charge of this place ever since his departure." replied Killian.

"Two years!" yelled Eddy. Thoughts raced through his mind at a mile a minute. "You said your dad died two years ago right?" pestered Eddy.

"Uh, yeah?" replied Killian.

"And that he was supposedly alive a few years after the bombs dropped, right?"

"Yes."

"The bombs dropped only about half a year ago!" yelled Eddy.

"Have you lost your mind, kid? It's been at least five years since the bombs fell!" replied Killian.

"Five years?" thought Eddy. "But the overseer said that it has only been about half a year since the vault was shut, which was, like, near the time the bombs fell. Has the overseer been lying to us? Or has time been moving faster than we've thought?" Eddy turned and faced Killian again. "Look, if this is some kind of April Fool's joke then—"

Suddenly the sound of a loud gunshot broke the conversation. Eddy and Killian looked towards the front of the store where the sound originated. Somebody was fighting one of the guards outside while the second guard lay incapacitated on the ground, clutching a bullet wound in his torso. The first guard was struggling to grab hold of a weapon from the attacker. The attacker then bashed the weapon against the head of the guard, knocking him unconscious, and burst through the door of the store, brandishing a hunting rifle.

"Gizmo sends his regards!" yelled the attacker; he looked of African decent. A dirty, torn red shirt covered his torso. The pockets of his raggedy jeans were filled with clips of ammunition.

He aimed the rifle at Killian's head. Killian managed to duck under the counter fast enough to dodge the first bullet fired by the rifle. Eddy had taken cover behind some of the shelves in the store. The attacker started to walk closer to the counter where Killian hid behind. Eddy then noticed a large metal pot beside him. Using every ounce of courage in him, he grabbed the pot and stood up from behind the shelves he was hiding. He then threw the pot as hard as he could at the attacker. The pot hit the attacker square in the face. The attacker fell to his knees while clutching his head in hopes to lessen the pain of the major migraine Eddy just inflicted on him.

Killian then jumped over the counter and grabbed the rifle from the attacker and kicked him to the ground. He then aimed the rifle at the attacker's head.

Killian sighed. "This is a surprise to me, Kenji. It just goes to show Ol' Gizmo will recruit anyone desperate enough to kill me." He then looked at the first guard outside the door who finally became conscious again. "Tycho!" yelled Killian at the guard. "Take Mitch down to the Doc's office to patch up his wound!" The guard complied and began to drag "Mitch" over the infirmary. Killian faced Kenji again. "As for you, you're lucky I won't execute you where you lay. You better get used to prison life real soon."

A third guard ran into the store. Killian and the guard had a small conversation while Eddy leaned against a shelf and waited till they were done. The guard left the store with Kenji in tow. Killian walked back towards Eddy.

"That was a mighty display of heroism, there young man." said Killian.

"Heh, I knew I had it in me." replied Eddy.

"I owe you big-time kid, and if I ever come across this 'water-chip' thing yer after I will be the first to let you know when I do."

"So you're saying you don't have one right now?" asked Eddy

"I'm afraid not." Replied Killian.

"Dangit." Mumbled Eddy.

Killian paused briefly, as if he were hesitating to say something.

"Kid, you're not like the others are you."

"Well I've never known any other kids from my neighborhood who have shown the amount of awesomeness I have shown today."

"Your bravery could really benefit this town. Listen, I have a proposition for you. How would you like to become the most idolized member of this settlement?"

To be continued…

**

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Author's Note**: Please check out the Desolation Ed article on the Ed, Edd n Eddy Fanon Wiki to satisfy your Desolation Ed needs*.

(*No Guarantee)


	5. Chapter 5: Espionage

**Author's Note**: Some of you may notice that Evil Tim 17's fanfic (Ed, Edd, n Eddy Fallout: Saviors of the Wastes) has many striking similarities to my own. I'd like to assure you that all of these similarities are purely coincidental and that he hasn't been stealing ideas from me or vice-versa. In fact, Evil Tim 17 has not even heard of my story until someone mentioned it recently. Also, when you write a review please describe which parts of the story that you enjoyed. With that said, let us commence chapter 5.

**

* * *

Chapter 5: Espionage**

Eddy sat on a musty, worn out car seat. A dim, flickering light bulb hung from a lone wire which dangled down from the ceiling of Killian's corner office room. The car seat which Eddy sat upon was purged from the backseat of an old Chrysalis Corvega automobile and was now a makeshift couch in Killian's Office. Killian sat directly in front of Eddy, behind a splintering desk with his hands folded together out front.

"Now I know this isn't exactly the best locality to have a private conversation but just try to deal with it, okay?" Spoke Killian.

Eddy replied, "C'mon. I can handle _this_."

The light bulb hanging from the ceiling flicked and then suddenly emitted a small shower of sparks. After an awkward silence, Killian spoke.

"Now, about my little proposition…"

"What about it?" Eddy replied.

"Kid, you saved my life, and I am grateful, but I still have a problem that I could use help with. And by the looks of how you foiled that assassination attempt I can tell that you can handle yourself pretty well in dangerous situations."

A nervous rush hit Eddy. He started to worry about what kind of "dangerous situations" Killian planned for him to do.

Eddy responded. "Well, I'm not too sure about that. Just what kind of _stuff_ do you plan for me to do?"

"As you may have overheard, that man who tried to kill me was hired by a local con art who goes by the name of 'Gizmo'. He runs a small casino down in the southern end of town where he and his cronies partake in illegal activities. Unfortunately, people like him don't take too kind to law bringers strolling around their turf. I have tried numerous times to confront and force him to end his activities but he has refused. In response, he sees me as a goody-goody-two-shoe and has placed a bounty on my head." said Killian.

"Can't you just get a bunch of guys with guns to follow you and just storm into the place to take him out?" asked Eddy.

"Unfortunately, the situation is not that simple. You see, the people who are frequent guests at his casino do not realize the true villainy of Gizmo. They see him as an honest, legitimate businessman. If my boys and I go down there and wipe him out on spot, his loyal patrons would probably form an angry mod and relentlessly hunt me down. I can't just shoot the patrons; otherwise I'll look like the bad guy. What I need hard evidence that reveals Gizmo's true villainy. If I can get a confession or some other sort of confirmation on his recent illegal activities, it may be enough to convince his patrons." said Killian.

Eddy replied, "Well, can't you just send one of your guards to secretly get his confession?"

"Gizmo won't fall for it. He can instantly recognize any one of my men. I may as well be sending the man on a suicide mission. He'll probably return home to his mother in a box. I need a person who Gizmo won't be able to recognize; Such as a newcomer to the town." said Killian.

"I have a strange feeling where this is going." replied Eddy.

"I need _you_ to go over to Gizmo's and get his confession." said Killian.

"What!" Eddy yelled. "How the heck am I supposed to do that? I can't just walk in there and go 'Yo, Gizmo. So I heard you ordered a hit on Killian' and expect him to give me a reply other than a body full of lead! And why should I be the one to go and get his confession?"

"Well you looked to me to be the charismatic type." replied Killian.

It was true. According to Eddy's Pip-Boy 3000 personality analyzer, his "Charisma" skill was higher than the rest of his stats. It surpassed his Strength, Perception, Endurance, Intelligence, Luck, and even his Agility skill.

"Besides, there is no way that I had planned for you to do that." replied Killian. "Instead you'll have to use this."

He opened one of the drawers in his splintering desk and pulled out a miniature microphone. It was a flat, circular object with a grille covering most of the top surface. A small, silver, antennae stuck out from the side of it.

"This is a Bug Transmitter." He said. "Wearing this on your person will allow me to hear any conversation you have with Gizmo. If you manage to get a confession form him I will be able to record it using this device here."

He pointed to a mid sized receiver on the right side of his desk. The receiver resembled a HAM Radio but had two tape recorder disks on the topside of the device, which were, presumably, used to record audio transmitted from the Bug.

Eddy was still not sure about his decision to help. "So how the heck am I supposed to walk in there without people noticing a huge, freakin', antennae sticking out from my shirt?"

Killian sighed. "Come on kid, use your brain! Just hide in on the inside of your jumpsuit."

Cowardice started to set upon Eddy. "I don't think I should do this. I mean, this has got to be _way_ more dangerous than just going and retrieving a water chip."

"Kid, let me tell you something. I've lived out here in the wastes for _five_ years. You've only been out here for a few hours. I've seen monsters and hazards out there that make ol' Gizmo look as dangerous as a pair of safety scissors. This mission probably won't even come close to the dangers you will face out in the wasteland. I admire the bravery you had when you decided to come out here in the first place. I implore that you help me keep the peace in this town. It's probably one of the only safe places out here, and I intend to keep it that way." said Killian.

A moment of silence filled the room as Eddy began to think to himself about his decision. Finally, he spoke.

"What's the reward I get when I complete this task?" he asked.

Killian replied, "You will be seen as an idolized member of this town. Everyone will praise you as the kid who helped put an end to Gizmo and his minions."

Eddy had always wanted to be famous. Ever since he was a small child he admired his older brother and how popular he was with the kids of the cul-de-sac. Eddy tried to mimic his brother any way he could in an attempt to become accepted among his peers. This was a chance for Eddy to become idolized among the people of Junktown; an opportunity he couldn't pass up. Of course, he also inherited his brother's attribute of greed. Eddy knew that Killian was desperate enough to squeeze out an extra award from.

"Hmm… Sorry, but your reward is not good enough for a challenge as great as this. Maybe you'll find someone else to help you." said Eddy as he got up from the car seat and headed for the door of the office. "Good day."

Killian chuckled to himself. Eddy turned around in hopes to discover why he did so.

Killian spoke. "Well, I should have know you weren't gonna do this out of the kindness in your heart. How about I pay you a few hundred of our glorious currency as well as a 50% discount at my store. No wait… Make that a 40% discount. Nothing personal kid, it's just that I got a business to run. Does that sound reasonable?"

Eddy thought to himself for a bit. Finally, he spoke. "Alright, you got a deal."

He extended his arm for a handshake and Killian complied. He then handed him the Bug.

"Hide this somewhere on your person." Killian said as he handed over the Bug. "I will stay in this room to record your conversation with Gizmo."

Eddy managed to hide the Bug on the inside of his jumpsuit without it being noticeable.

"Great. So where's this Gizmo guy's place again?" asked Eddy.

Killian responded "He is located over in the southern end of town. There is a big rotating neon sign in front of his casino, you can't miss his place."

Eddy replied, "Got it. Anything else I should know about him?"

"He's always has a couple of bodyguards near him at all times. Watch yourself. Try not to tick him off during you conversation. He won't hesitate to have his men put a bullet in you." replied Killian.

"I'll keep that in mind." said Eddy as he started to walk to the door. He stopped and proceeded ask Killian a few more questions. "But, before I go and do this _huge_ favor, I have a few questions that you need to answer."

"Of course." complied Killian.

"First, has it really been five years since the bombs fell?" asked Eddy

"Well I wasn't able to keep an exact total of how many days that passed since they fell, but I'm certain that it has been at least four or five years or so." replied Killian.

"Geez, time flies when you're in a vault. I could have sworn it's only been half a year… Next question. Where did all these other people come from?" asked Eddy.

"I suppose they too managed to survive the war by hiding in a homemade shelter." said Killian. "When my family emerged from our shelter we noticed that other people started to emerge from theirs' as well. We all formed a group and traveled the wastes together until we discovered this junkyard. We then decided to build a settlement here."

After hearing about how Killian's family traveled across the wastes, Eddy came up with another question. "Say, when you and your family were traveling across the wasteland, you didn't happen to come across any other vaults, did ya?"

"Nope. But I've read some advertisements from Vault-Tec, before the war, that claimed that they built a couple more vaults around the area. I'm not sure where they are though." replied Killian.

"Thanks, that's I all need to know for now." said Eddy as he walked out the door.

"Remember kid, Gizmo's a dangerous fellow!" said Killian as Eddy walked out the front door to his shop.

Eddy walked south just like Killian had told him to do. Along the way he passed by dozens of identical looking shacks, all were composed of rusted sheet metal. He started to notice that the people in this section of the settlement looked shadier and seemed to give the feeling that you could get mugged by any of them for any reason. After passing by a few thugs, and drunkards, Eddy finally saw a glow in the distance. It was the rotating neon sign of Gizmo's casino. It was hooked up to a power generator that rumbled loudly to the side of the casino. The sign read "Gizmo's" in yellow neon while red neon bordered around it. Eddy walked up to the building, which looked like a much larger version of the shacks he passed by. Two guards in brown leather amour guarded the front door. One of the guards was African American and wielded a combat shotgun, with a round ammo drum, while the other guard was Caucasian and wielded an AK-112 assault rifle.

Eddy tried to walk past them and open the door to the casino but the African American guard reached his left arm out to prevent Eddy from entering the premises.

"Sorry, short round." Spoke the guard. "This place is for adults only, unless you are accompanied by an adult or legal guardian."

Eddy was offended by the guard's remark. "Hey, who you calling short, you- Uh…" Eddy struggled to come up with a retort until he noticed the guard's male pattern baldness. "Chrome dome!"

The other guard laughed to himself while the first guard started to lose his temper. "If I was you kid, I'd watch my mouth! You never know when it will lead you to digging your own grave. Now scram!"

Eddy was frightened by the guards change in temper. "Right, message received." said Eddy as he nervously laughed to himself and began to walk away. He hid behind a nearby shack and began to think. "How can I get into that place" he thought. While he was thinking, a drunkard stumbled over and fell right beside Eddy. His clothes were tattered and he reeked of booze. It was just another Friday night for this social reject.

"Gah!" Eddy yelled. "Where'd you come from?"

The drunkard tried to get back up o his feet and responded to Eddy with a slurred speech.

"Ay'd say, aye luv ya mann" replied the drunk.

Eddy was suddenly hit by a brilliant idea. "Say, can you pretend to be my dad for a minute?"

"Wuzzat naough?" said the drunk.

"I need you to pretend to be my dad so I can get into that building over there." said Eddy as he pointed towards Gizmo's.

The drunk hiccuped. "Whade a minut! Why shouldaye help _yooou_?"

Eddy thought for a moment. "If you help me get into the building you could drink all the booze you want in there!"

The drunk suddenly got an excited look on his face. "You gawt yerself a deal!" said the drunk before falling backward and passing out.

Eddy sighed and put the palm of his hand to his face.

* * *

An hour later, the drunk regained consciousness and had sobered up enough to be able to walk without stumbling over. He and Eddy walked back to the front door Gizmo's Casino where the two guards where still standing.

Eddy spoke to the guards. "What's going on, boyos? Here's my dad. We both want to get into your humble casino."

The guards stared at Eddy and The Drunk. The African American guard took off his sunglasses to get a better look. "This is you dad?" said the guard.

"Yep." replied Eddy. "Can't you see the resemblance?"

The two guards inspected Eddy and the Drunk. The two looked nothing alike. Eddy was short, had a flat head, and had only three strands of hair while the drunk was tall, round headed, and had a full head tussled brown hair. The first guard turned to the second while the second one just shrugged.

The first guard put his sunglasses back on and spoke. "Alright, you can go in, but no funny business."

"Thank you, gentlemen." said Eddy as he and the drunk walked through the doors of the casino.

"Thanks for your help, Drunk Guy." said Eddy. "You can go now—" before he could finish, Eddy already noticed that the drunk was already drowning his sorrows with beer at the bar. "_Okay _then." said Eddy to himself.

He observed the casino interior around him. Red was the primary color of the carpet that coated the floor of the casino. Fully functional slot machines lined the wall of one side of the casino. Blackjack, Roulette, and Craps tables were in the center of the main casino room. Compulsive gamblers were constantly inserting currency into the slot machines as they beeped and buzzed and emitted electronic sounds. The "ka-ching" of a winning slot machine occasionally emitted. Cards were tossed, dice were thrown, and roulette tables spun. Eddy walked a bit further into the casino towards the back section where he assumed the offices were located. He found himself face to face with three doors. Two lead to the restrooms while the third door had "Employees Only" painted on the front of it. He figured this was Gizmo's office. Eddy looked around to see if the guards were watching him. They were to busy trying to restrain the drunkard at the bar. Eddy then slipped into the _Employees Only_ room.

At the exact moment he entered the room a pair of guards aimed their assault riffles directly at Eddy's head.

"Terrific." said Eddy.

A grotesque voice shouted. "Who dares trespass into my personal dwelling?"

Edd looked in the direction the voice came from. A lone light bulb hung from the ceiling over a large desk in front of him. The desk itself was sleek, composed of a shiny brown wood and seemed to be in good condition. A green felt lay on the desktop. A rotational office chair was behind the desk, it's back faced Eddy, rendering him unable to see who sat in it. Suddenly, the chair rotated revealing a morbidly obese man who currently occupied it. The top of his head shinned brightly in the light overhead, due to the lack of hair that covered it. The rest of his gray hair now lay idle near his ears. His face was extremely pudgy; the man spouted multiple chins that would surely make Ed jealous. The man was shocked to find that the man who had trespassed into his dwelling was a mere child.

The man looked at his guards and yelled, "How is it that you two are so incompetent that a prepubescent child can slip right into my establishment?"

Eddy spoke, "You're Gizmo, right?"

Gizmo replied with his nasty voice, "_That_ is none of your concern." He spoke to his guards. "Guards! Remove this boy from the premises!"

The guards grabbed hold of Eddy's shoulders and escorted him towards the door. Before they could throw him out he shouted, "I heard that your assassin failed to kill Darkwater!"

Gizmo got a surprised look on his face. "_Stop_!" he yelled. "Bring him back!"

The guards turned around and dragged Eddy to Gizmo's desk. Gizmo's pudgy hand grabbed Eddy by the collar of his jumpsuit. "Tell me…" He said. "How do you know about that little incident?"

Eddy gulped. "C'mon. Everybody knows about it. Apparently the guy shouted your name out loud when he tried to kill Darkwater."

Gizmo turned around and yelled, "Kenji, that IDIOT!" He turned and faced Eddy. "And I suppose you're here on behalf of Killian, hmm? You've come here to his dirty work?"

Gizmo started to step closer to Eddy. Eddy started to step backwards. The guards both stepped in front of the door. Blocking any chance of escape.

"Not good." said Eddy to himself in his mind. He quickly thought of a reply. "Me? No way. I can't stand the guy. I _wish_ he got shot. He' such a goody-goody-two-shoe."

Gizmo stopped approaching Eddy. "Is that so?" He said.

Eddy replied. "Yeah. In fact, I'm here because I heard you offered a price on his head."

Gizmo took a seat back behind his desk. "And what makes you think that _you_ are capable of... _Taking care of him_?" he said.

Eddy replied, "Well look at me, Mister. I'm just a kid. He'll never suspect a kid as an assassin. I'll just casually walk in and he won't notice a thing. Then, when he's not looking, POW!" Eddy beat his fist to his hand. "I'll stab him in the back!"

"Really?" Gizmo replied. "Why, that's brilliant! That fool will never suspect a thing!" Gizmo accidentally spit saliva out of his mouth while pronouncing the word "fool". Eddy flinched as some of the spit landed on his face.

"Consider yourself an honorary errand boy for Gizmo's." replied Gizmo. "Upon the return from your 'errand' you will be paid handsomely."

"Alrighty, then." said Eddy. "He's as good as dead."

The guards stepped away from the door allowing Eddy to exit. Before he stepped out he turned around and faced Gizmo. He proceeded to ask him the million dollar question.

"Quick question." Eddy said, "Why did you hire such a lousy worker like Kenji in the first place?"

Gizmo got a fierce look in his face. "That _peasant_ was the only man desperate enough to do the job. I should have never hired such an incompetent fool like him for an assassination in the first place!"

"Bingo." said Eddy in his mind; for he got the information he was looking for. However, his next decision would nearly cost him his life. Just to make sure he had the confession, Eddy pestered Gizmo to repeat it.

"I'm sorry." He said to Gizmo, "Could you repeat that again?" He fiddled with the position of the Bug Transmitter under his jumpsuit.

"What for?" replied Gizmo.

Eddy suddenly realized the foolish decision he made. "Uh, oh" He said to himself in his mind. He quickly replied, "Uh nothing. I—" He was interrupted by Gizmo.

"What's that you have in your jumpsuit?" he yelled.

"It's nothing. Really!" said Eddy as he nervously started backing up to the exit door. "Well, it's been nice talking to ya, but I really gotta go. I've got things to do and people to kill and whatnot."

"Guards!" Gizmo shouted.

The guards stepped in front of the door, once again blocking Eddy's path.

"Hey, what gives?" Eddy yelled.

One of the guards shoved Eddy across the room with his assault rifle. Eddy's back hit the edge of Gizmo's desk. Gizmo spun Eddy around so that he was facing him. He then grabbed Eddy by the collar and squeezed the collar of the jumpsuit until the Bug Transmitter popped out. Gizmo furiously snatched the Bug and clutched it in the palm of his pudgy hand.

"You've been wearing A WIRE this whole time!" shouted Gizmo in the midst of a furious rage.

He fiercely shoved Eddy backwards. Eddy landed on his back and tried to get back up. Gizmo began shouting some more.

"All this time you've been playing me like a fool, while acting as Darkwater's errand boy!" Gizmo's face started to turn a burning shade of red. He violently threw the Bug across the room. It shattered into a multitude of pieces while leaving a dent on the wall

"Well, I've got a special place for friends of Goody-goody-two shoes." Gizmo raised his right arm up and made the "cut throat" gesture with it. The guards by the door cocked the charging handle on each of their assault rifles.

Acting quickly, Eddy spotted a small vent in the corner of the room. He rolled over and kicked out the vent with both of his feet. He did a front wards summersault and rolled through the vent into the outside. The guards sprinted over and sprayed the entire vent with a hail of bullets but it was too late, Eddy had already escaped the other side and was scrambling as far away as he could from the wretched place.

"Don't let that little bastard escape!" Gizmo shouted. "I want his severed head brought to me on a silver platter!"

Eddy had gotten a head start escaping the guards. He sprinted past multiple shacks while cutting through alleyways in between them in hopes to throw the guards off his trail. Unfortunately, Eddy was lost in labyrinth of sheet metal housing. He had lost all sense of direction, all the shacks looked exactly the same and to make matters worse he could hear the guards catching up to him.

"This way!" he could hear one of them shout in the distance.

"Gotta hide, gotta hide!" thought Eddy to himself.

He looked around the alley he was in and noticed a slab of sheet metal that rested against a trashcan and parallel to one of the walls of the shacks. Eddy decided to hide behind it, hoping he'd be able to evade the guards.

He hid behind the sheet metal for about a half a minute until he heard the footsteps of one of the guards walking into the alley. Eddy peaked out from the unclosed side of the sheet metal and saw the African American guard with the combat shotgun walking thought the alley. Eddy slowly backed into his sheet metal cover when he accidentally bumped into the trashcan the sheet rested against, emitting a banging sound.

The guard immediately turned around and aimed his shotgun down the alley. Eddy was frozen with fear. The guard noticed the slab of sheet metal Eddy was hiding behind. He slowly started to approach the slab; his finger twitching on the trigger of his gun. All of a sudden another sound of metal being banged together was emitted. Both Eddy and the guard were confused by the sound. The guard peeked over the small fence that was parallel to the wall. A homeless man was busy collecting tin cans and tossing them into a pile next to a pathetic tent that served as his residence. The man picked up another can and flung it over his shoulder. The can landed directly in the middle of the pile and emitted another "banging" sound.

The guard scoffed to himself and mumbled, "Damn vagrants." He stopped peeking over the fence and walked out of the alley to continue his search.

Eddy waited a few minutes to make sure that the guard was gone. He slowly peeked his head out from the sheet metal and saw no sign of the guard. This was just one of the many situations Eddy would evade danger during the journey ahead of him.

* * *

Eddy soon found his way back to Killian's store. Killian was standing out front with a group of friendly guards; all were armed to the teeth with weapons.

Killian spotted Eddy. "Kid, you're alive! I thought Gizmo had already mutilated you."

"Well he practically did!" replied Eddy, "His stupid guards are trying to hunt me down at this very moment!"

Killian replied, "Then we mustn't waste time. Me and men are planning to launch an assault on Gizmo's casino. I need you to wait inside my store while we pay a visit to our friend Gizmo."

"Wait!" Eddy interrupted. "Did you get the confession?"

"Sure did." Killian replied. "We got it all recorded on the holotape. I heard the whole thing; I could have sworn you were dead after Gizmo found out your true intentions."

A metal fence broke down across from Killian's general store. The four of Gizmo's guards stepped out from behind it. They spotted Eddy next to Killian and began approaching him.

"We'll talk later! Find cover!" yelled Killian.

Eddy sprinted through the doors of Killian's store and ducked behind some shelves.

Sounds of gunfire broke out all over the place. Eddy covered his ears and crawled through the aisles of the store hoping to find better cover. Sounds of glass breaking and bullets impacting metal filled the entire store. A few of the items on the shelves were struck by bullets and fell onto of Eddy. Crawling down low on the floor while bullets flew through the air reminded Eddy of the men who fought in the trenches of the World War II movies he had seen. He stood up on his feet and ran for cover inside Killian's office. Eddy pushed to car seat couch over to the door to act as a barricade. A few bullets impacted the sheet metal walls of the room. Eddy ducked down after witnessing a few of the bullet penetrations. Eddy could hear the sounds of the men outside shouting insults or orders at each other. "Get sum!" he heard one of them shout. "Man down!" he heard another shout. A third man yelled out "This used to be a nice neighborhood!"

Finally, the gunfire ceased. Eddy stood up and peeked his eye through one of the bullet holes in the wall. He could see one of Killian's men dragging the lifeless body of a fallen comrade. He saw another one of Killian's men looting off the corpses of Gizmo's guards.

Eddy walked out of Killian's store to view the aftermath. Killian was kneeling down next to the lifeless body of one of his men.

Eddy walked over and spoke. "Dang. I'm sorry."

Killian turned his head and responded. "Ramirez was a good man and his death is unfortunate but it shall _not_ be in vain." He stood up and cocked his assault rifle. "Prepare yourselves, gentlemen. We're going to finish this."

The other two of Killian's men nodded in agreement. Killian turned and spoke to Eddy. "It's time to put an end to Gizmo and his cronies once and for all. But first…" Killian ran into his office and came back out holding a tape recorder with Gizmo's confession on it. "This will prevent his patrons from jumpin' on me while we do the deed. Now I need you to wait here until we return."

With that said, Killian and the two of his men walked off into the bowls of Junktown on the hunt for Gizmo. Eddy walked up to the wall of Killian's store and leaned against it; taking a moments rest to contemplate all the events that had unfolded today.

He had stepped foot for the first time into a ruined wasteland of a world, he had been scared out of his wits by an overgrown rat, stung by a pickup truck sized scorpion, passed out in a unsanitary clinic, foiled an assassination attempt, snuck his way into a casino, made a powerful mobster confess to a crime, was mercilessly hunted down by a group of madmen, and nearly lost his life in the shootout that followed.

All the action that unfolded overwhelmed Eddy and he had to take a seat on the ground.

He spoke to himself, "This is just day one of my… Uh."

He looked at the countdown timer on his Pip-Boy that showed how many days he had left.

"My glorious 150 day adventure." He said.

* * *

An hour passed. Eddy had nearly dozed off by the side of the building until he was awoken by the irritating behavior of a swarm of flies. Eddy swatted at them with his hand in an attempt to drive them away. He got up and noticed the sun had begun to set.

'What a day." He said to himself.

All of a sudden, Killian and his posse had returned back to the store. Eddy noticed them.

"Hey, you made it back alive!" He said. "Did you get Gizmo?"

"Gizmo is long gone kid." replied Killian. "This town won't be dealing with the likes of him any more. With his guards already dead, we easily gained access to his casino. Me and my boys surrounded his desk. I told him his days were over. He pulled a gun on me, but I pulled mine first. The gunfire scared away all of his patrons. After we stepped out of the casino a few of the patrons questioned our business. I had them listen to the holotape of Gizmo's confession and they finally learned the truth. I couldn't have done it without your help, kid. On the way back I shared the story on how you helped foil Gizmo with some of the residents of the town. They were very surprised on how you managed to pull it off but they idolize you none the less."

"Sweet!" Eddy replied. "Now about my reward…"

"Ah yes, I mustn't disregard my part of the deal. Join me in my store and I shall give you your reward." Said Killian as he and Eddy walked into the General store.

Killian opened up a safe built into the floor of the store. He then scooped up a handful of what looked like several tiny bits of metal. He dumped the pieces of metal onto the front counter. Eddy observed the pile of metal and saw that it was really a pile of bottle caps! Killian began counting the number of caps on the counter. He reached into his safe and pulled out another handful. After separating the caps he counted into another pile he scooped them into Eddy's hand.

"There yah go, kid." Killian said. "350 caps. Don't spend it all at once now."

Eddy stared dumfoundedly at the pile of caps in his hand. He then looked at Killian and said. "Are you kidding me? I was kinda expecting good old greenbacks but _this _will do just fine!" Eddy spewed out that last bit out with sarcasm. "What the heck am I gonna do with bottle caps!"

Killian just laughed to himself and spoke, "Wow kid, this _really_ must be your first day on the outside. Bottle caps have become the official currency of the wastes. We don't use regular dollars anymore on accounts they mostly burned up when the bombs fell. I guess people decided to use caps because they're sturdier. That or some guy felt like getting paid for each beer he drank at the time."

Eddy replied, "Fine by me. So… Got any medical supplies to sell?"

Killian put his hand to his chin. "Well I think I have a few stimpacks lying around here."

He grabbed a large first aid kit container from under his counter and opened it up to display the medical supplies contained within. He pulled out a syringe, filled with a red colored substance, with what looked like a pressure gauge on top.

"This here is your average 'Stimulation Delivery Package'. Killian said. "We call them 'stimpacks' for short. They supposedly help with blood coagulation. They're great for helping with bullet wounds. Keep in mind they don't actually close up the wounds themselves."

"That sounds handy." replied Eddy. "How much?"

"Normally I charge 10 caps per syringe but since you got the special 'Hero's 40% Discount' they'll only cost you 6 caps. How many do you want?"

Eddy thought for a moment. "I'll take two for now."

"Good decision." replied Killian. Eddy handed over the 12 caps necessary for the purchase. In turn, Killian handed over 2 syringes. Eddy tossed them into his backpack

"Well, I better get going on my journey." said Eddy as he walked to the door.

"Good luck finding that water chip of yours. Don't let the radscorpions sting ya on the way out." replied Killian.

Eddy stopped dead in his tracks. He wasn't quite ready to leave the safety of Junktown. He didn't want to look like a coward in front of Killian so he used the time of day as an excuse to stay.

"On second thought, it's starting to get pretty dark out. I think I'll just spend the night here and wait until morning. Got a motel I can stay at?" Eddy said to Killian.

Killian chuckled to himself. "You can catch some shut eye over at the Common House. It's where we let the non-permanent residents of the town spend the night. You can probably find a free bunk available over there. It's located just a block away from here, next to the overturned tanker truck"

"Thanks for the info. Maybe I'll visit this town again after I finish my quest." Eddy replied. He then left Killian's General store in search of the common house.

After a short walk he came across the pen with the two headed cow in it. He stopped and stared at it again. The cow met his gaze and the two stared at each other in awkward silence. A man interrupted the staring contest when he decided to speak to Eddy.

"That's just Bess and Tess. They don't mean ya harm." said the man.

Eddy jumped around to see who was speaking to him. He spotted a tall, skinny, man in his late thirties. His face was concealed by a gray welder's mask, though the top of his balding head was still visible. He wore a salmon colored polo shirt under a dirty pair of brown overalls. He also had on a pair of sturdy looking boots as well as single, yellow, rubber workmen glove on his right hand. A holster with a revolver was fitted to the right side of his belt while a make-shift lasso made from an electrical cord hung by his left.

"Who are you?" asked Eddy.

"I'm Robert Conagher. But you can just call me 'Rosie' for short. Everyone else does." spoke the man with a moderate southern accent.

"_Rosie_?" laughed Eddy. "That's a girl's nickname! How'd a guy like you end up with that tag?"

"Well… Let's just say it's the reason why I always wear this mask." said Rosie.

Eddy got a creeped out look on his face. "You're not one of those dudes who puts on makeup are you?" he asked.

"_Aw_, heck no, boy!" replied Rosie. "I ain't that kind of man. I've got a mutation. A mutation that just so happens to be Rose colored. Hence my nickname."

"Oh, I get it." replied Eddy. "So what are you doing by the two headed cow's pen?"

"I own her, boy. I built a pen for her to roam around whenever I take a break at my private residence. You see, I'm a travelin' caravan merchant. I use her to carry all the goods I sell. I'm practically the only merchant in the wastes who sells the highest quality of junk, trash, and crap."

He clutched his hands around the shoulder straps of his overalls.

"And who, may I ask, are you, mister… Wait a minute." Rosie examined the flamboyant jumpsuit Eddy was wearing. "Say, you're that kid Killian's been talking about! Did you really get the dirt on Gizmo?"

Eddy got a proud look on his face and responded "Why yes, I did."

"Thank the lord! Gizmo's cronies have been stealing supplies from me ever since he first moved here. Tell me your name, kid."

"The name's Eddy, dweller from Vault 23." replied Eddy.

"Well, Mister Eddy from Vault 23. What's a kid like you doing out here in the wastes all alone?" asked Rosie.

Eddy responded with a _slight_ reality twist on his explanation. "The water purifier thing in our Vault had broken down. They chose only the strongest, bravest, most awesome citizen to venture out into the wastes to find a water chip to repair the purifier. Speaking of which, you wouldn't happen to have said chip, would ya?"

"I'm afraid I've never come across such a device." replied Rosie.

"Dang. Well, do you know where Vault 69 is? It's supposed to be, like, ten miles south of here." asked Eddy.

"Ten miles south, you say?" replied Rosie. "Well you're in luck, Eddy. I just so happen to have a caravan route that leads that way. Why don't you join me for the ride? It's safer when you travel in a group through the wasteland."

"Really, that'd be sweet! When do we leave?" responded Eddy.

"My caravan leaves first thing tomorrow morning. Meet me at this exact spot here. See yah in the A.M. Eddy." said Rosie.

"See ya Rosie." said Eddy as he walked away.

Eddy walked for a bit longer through Junktown until he came across the overturned tanker truck Killian had mentioned. There, he saw a two story shack with a large sign mounted above the entrance. It read "Junktown Common House" in sloppy white paint.

Eddy entered the structure to find that the entire place was filled with bunk beds. The "beds" were really just the frame of the bunk bed with dirty mattresses thrown on them. Some of the beds were already occupied by temporary residents but Eddy managed to find and empty bottom bunk in the corner to sleep in. He took off his backpack and set it underneath his bunk. He laid down on the rather lumpy mattress which had the faint odor of urine emitting from it. He managed to get some much needed shut eye after reminiscing about all the events that unfolded over the course of Day One of his 150 day quest.

Little did he know that greater things he couldn't even imagine were to occur later on in his journey.

**

* * *

Author's Note: **I hope you have enjoyed this chapter. Just to let you know, this chapter is one of the longest of the 5 chapters in my story, with a whopping 7,219 words compared to the humble average 3,000 words in my previous chapters. This better tie you guys over until the next chapter comes out. Peace. -Jspyster1


	6. Chapter 6: Reminiscence and Contention

**Author's Note**: Just to let you know, I'll be going back to school soon so expect the next few chapters to be released at a slower rate. School sucks. I know; that's probably the understatement of the century. Also, you may be wondering who is this "Bess and Tess" fellow I keep mentioning. Bess and Tess is the name of Rosie's two headed cow. Bess and Tess will both be referred to as "they" if I feel the need to use pronouns. Hopefully this will prevent confusion. On to the story.

* * *

**Chapter 6: Reminiscence and Contention**

The illuminating rays of the early morning sun radiantly shined through the breaches of the sheet metal hosing of Junktown. A ray of sunlight infiltrated a hole in a sheet metal wall of the Junktown Common House and directly into Eddy's eyes. His eyes were half open though he was still half asleep. The ray of sunlight quickly knocked Eddy out of his somnambulant slumber. He opened his eyes and realized that it was daytime. He stumbled off the lumpy mattress and shook himself awake.

"Gah! What day is it?" he said to himself after rubbing his eyes.

Eddy raised his arm up to read his Pip-Boy. He pressed the "Data" button then clicked on the "calendar" tab of the screen. A calendar was displayed upon the Pip-Boy's readout with the date "Tuesday, June 26" highlighted on it. Eddy noticed the flashing notice on the side of the calendar that read "149 days left until we croak!" Eddy then read the time, located at the top of the screen. It was 9:27 A.M.

"Crud! I hope Rosie hasn't left yet!" Eddy shouted to himself.

He peeked under his bunk to see if anyone had stolen his backpack while he was asleep. Thankfully, it had been left alone. He quickly snatched it out from under the bunk and flung it over his shoulder. He finally stepped out of the Common House and proceeded to walk towards Rosie's residence. Before he headed towards the entrance of Junktown he looked to the left side of the Common House and spotted Gizmo's Casino. The spinning neon sign that usually stood in front of the casino has been removed while a large slab of sheet metal with writing painted onto it barricaded the entrance. The sign stated that the formally mobster owned casino was now "Under New Management". Eddy shrugged and walked off towards Rosie's.

After about three minutes of walking he finally arrived at Rosie's House. Rosie was busy trying down numerous boxes of junk and scrap metal onto the backside of Bess and Tess while a female bodyguard stood by.

"What's happenin', Rosie?" said Eddy as he rose up his right hand as a friendly gesture.

Rosie finished tugging on a rope the replied, "It's about time you showed up. Kids these days; they go to bed late and sleep in 'til noon." Though Rosie may have sounded impatient, he was actually teasing Eddy in a friendly way.

"Very funny." Eddy sarcastically quipped. He rose up his left arm to show off his Pip-Boy to Rosie. "This Pip-Boy doesn't exactly come with an alarm clock feature."

Rosie chuckled to himself. "Eddy, I'd like to introduce you to my long time friend and companion. The beautifulSydney Watson; who is without a doubt the crown jewel of my humble everyday life."

"I know when you're being sarcastic, Rosie." The female guard replied.

"That's cuz you're the smartest girl who ever lived!" quipped Rosie in the most sarcastic and annoying tone of voice.

The guard known as Sydney raised her right hand in the air and quickly brought it down along with an accompanying smack to the top of Rosie's chrome dome.

Rosie grumbled, "Shucks…" under his breath. He turned around and once again started to tie down supplies to Bess and Tess.

Sydney turned and spoke to Eddy.

"Don't mind the old fool's antics. He's been getting kind of eccentric ever since he accidentally electrocuted himself last week. Oh, where are my manners? _I _am Sydney Watson." Sydney extended her arm out for a handshake and Eddy complied. Eddy studied Sydney's appearance.

As a Caucasian female, she appeared to be in her mid 20's. Her straight black hair reached to her shoulders. The shiny black pupils of her eyes seemed to compliment her hair. She wore a dark leather jacket, with many reinforced patches of bullet proof material sewn into it, along with a matching pair of pants which comfortably fit around her thin body. Finally, though her voice sounded very mellow slightly lower pitched than a typical woman's, Eddy knew that she seemed more assertive and tougher than she looked. If Eddy could describe her physical appearance in one word that word would probably be "Hot".

"I'm Eddy" replied Eddy in a sly tone. "I'm from Vault numero Twenty Three-O. It should be over-"

Eddy flexed the muscle in his right arm while pointing towards the West. "In that direction."

Eddy stopped flexing and spoke closer to Sydney's ear. "Just to let you know, I'm almost fifteen. That's like, almost five years younger than you."

Sydney just stared at him with a blank face.

"I don't know whether to be flattered or creeped out." She replied.

"Is it too much to ask for both?" Eddy replied.

"Sorry, Romeo, but I'm already seeing someone." Sydney replied while simultaneously crushing Eddy's hopes, dreams and fantasies.

"Oh…" he said in a depressed tone.

"Let's just forget this awkward conversation ever happened and start over. Hi, I'm Sydney." She said while reaching her arm out for a handshake.

"I'm Eddy." said Eddy while shaking her hand.

"Sorry about that. So… When did you meet Rosie?" he asked.

Sydney told Eddy the story of her life. "After the war, he set up shop near my family's old house. My father went over to him to trade supplies and soon enough the two became the best of friends. Rosie then offered me a job to guard his caravan while we traveled the wastes. I've always wanted to go out and explore this rugged new world we live in. It's _way_ better than staying at home with my father. He's trying to start up _a farm_. Can you believe that? Poor fool doesn't know that you can't grow anything in _a desert_!"

"That's interesting." said Eddy though he didn't really mean it. He decided to move onto a topic that _would_ interest him. "So, does Rosie pay pretty well?" he asked.

"If it helps put food on the table then I'm not complaining." She replied. "So what's your story?"

"I'm from the local vault shelter around here. Our water purifier thing broke down and they sent me out here, by myself, to find a part to fix it." replied Eddy.

"You're here all by yourself?" said Sydney in disbelief. "Well, you're lucky you'll be traveling with us. There are all sorts of dangers in the wasteland that would be difficult for a teenage boy like yourself to avoid. Speaking of traveling, it's about time we get going."

Sydney turned around and spoke to Rosie. "Are you done fooling around with Bess and Tess yet?" she said, in a sassy voice.

"Just about, your royal highness." quipped Rosie. "Make sure to do a last minute check of your weapons, ammo, and supplies."

"Hey, that reminds me!" thought Eddy to himself after remembering that he lost his 10mm handgun near the front gate of town while trying to fight the radscorpion.

Sydney picked up her weapon off a near by wooden table. She wielded the Israeli made, Uzi Submachine Gun loaded with 9mm ammo.

Rosie pulled a revolver out from the holster on the right side of his waist. This revolver happened to be a Civil War era, nickel plated, LeMat revolver. It was originally owned by his great, great grandfather who passed it down from generation to generation, eventually ending up in Rosie's possession. The revolver featured a small 16 gauge smoothbore barrel, capable of firing buckshot, located underneath the main barrel. Rosie pulled out the ammo cylinder from the revolver and counted how many bullets there were. He had a total 9 shots of .44 caliber bullets loaded into the cylinder. He flipped the gun around his finger and slid it back to his holster. "Gun. Check." said Rosie as he began checking off his supplies.

"Merchandise" He turned to his side and looked at Bess and Tess. "Check".

"Water supply" He pulled out a familiar blue water flask with the number 23 imprinted on it from a pouch on his belt. "_Checkmate_".

Eddy immediately recognized the water flask he traded to Dr. Morbid.

"Hey, wait a minute! That's _my_ flask!" he yelled.

"What? No way!" replied Rosie. "I bought this from the creepy doctor guy. He said it was used by The Pope! I'm not even Catholic and I still bought it because it was so dang cool looking."

"He was bluffing!" yelled Eddy. "If it was used by The Pope then why is it blue with a yellow number 23 on it?"

Rosie looked at the flask, then at Eddy's jumpsuit.

"Sheewt…" said Rosie after realizing it was probably Eddy's flask. "Alright, you win. Here." Rosie handed it to Eddy but then quickly pulled it back. "30 caps. Pay up sucker."

"No way!" yelled Eddy. He tried to snatch it from Rosie's hand but Rosie held it high above his head.

"Nah, nah, na na na!" taunted Rosie.

"Why, you!" shouted Eddy before he jumped onto Rosie's arm, trying to pry the flask from his hand.

Sydney leaned against a wall and watched the two fight each other for the flask. "Idiots…" she said to herself.

After a brief tussle, Rosie yelled out "I'm just messing with yah. Here, take it." and promptly tossed the flask over to Eddy.

"Now was _that_ so hard?" replied Eddy.

Rosie ignored him and started to do a calculation of time in his head. "Well, since we've wasted enough time fighting over a dumb flask, I'd say it's time we finally head out."

With that said, Rosie grabbed the electrical cord lasso from the left side of his waist. He shouted "Giddyup, Bessie!" and harshly whipped the cord across the posterior of the cow.

The cow gave out a disgruntled "moo" and started walking toward the front entrance of Junktown. Rosie, Sydney and Eddy followed suit.

When they reached the front gate Rosie signaled the guards on top of the wall to lower the large sheet metal barrier blocking the entrance. One of the guards started spinning a winch in a counterclockwise direction, releasing the chains that held up the sheet metal barrier allowing the caravan to pass through the semi truck trailer tunnel. As Bess and Tess walked through the tunnel with the others following close behind, Keith decided to bid farewell to the group.

"Yall come back now, ya hear." said Keith as he waved goodbye to the group.

"Haw, haw. Very funny." replied Eddy.

The caravan passed through the tunnel and the guards raised up the sheet metal cover. As the group walked halfway through the junkyard Eddy noticed a familiar looking derelict car. He remembered that this was the spot where he lost his handgun during his fight with the radscorpion.

"Hold up, people." said Eddy to the other two.

He walked near the rusty old car and began combing the area in search of his gun.

"Bingo!" he shouted to himself.

Eddy kneeled down and picked up his trusty Colt model N99 10mm pistol off the ground. He released the ammo clip from the gun and found that there were 9 bullets left. Eddy opened up his backpack and pulled out a small box of 10mm ammo. He then loaded 3 more bullets into the clip and inserted it back into the gun.

"It's good to be back." said Eddy to his inanimate gun.

"Are you done serenading your gun yet, Eddy?" yelled Rosie from across the yard.

Eddy yelled back, "Keep your pants on, Rosie. I'm coming".

Eddy holstered his gun and walked with the rest of the caravan out of the junkyard.

Because the junkyard happened to be perched upon a hill, the group was greeted by a breathtaking view of the wasteland landscape and beyond. Eddy held his right hand over his forehead to block the intense sunlight so he could get a better view. A moderate distance in front of him laid the ruins of a ruined neighborhood which he knew was the Cul-de-Sac of Peach Creek Estates, his former home. Farther to the Southeast he could see the outline of a cityscape, which he presumed where the toppled skyscrapers of downtown Peach Creek. He squint his eyes in hopes to peer farther into the wastes. The edges of the barren wasteland became a blur, but Eddy managed to make out a few building shaped objects. He even swore he saw a glimpse of the ocean.

After Eddy soaked in the sights, he asked Rosie, "So where are we off to first, my man?"

Rosie responded, "Well, out first stop is the Rockwell residence. They're an elderly couple who live in a small neighborhood in the former town of Peach Creek, who desperately depend on my supply route."

Rosie hesitated for a moment. "Hmm… Killian said you were from Peach Creek. Is that true?"

"Yeah." replied Eddy. "I had my own pad down in the Cul-de-Sac over there." He pointed towards the neighborhood.

"My, my. What a coincidence!" replied Rosie. "Looks like we'll be passing by your old hood _real_ soon. We best get goin'."

Rosie, Sydney, Eddy, as well as Bess and Tess all started to walk down to the neighborhood.

* * *

The caravan followed a set of tall power lines that lead to the neighborhood. Some of the power lines were still standing while many were bent or have toppled over from the force of the nukes. After passing through many charred trees and over a dried up creek, the caravan finally reached an entrance to the suburbs. They followed an asphalt road through the neighborhood. The road itself was in terrible condition, the asphalt was cracked, bumpy, littered with potholes, and was strewn with dirt from the dead soil of the wasteland. Obliterated houses surrounded the group. What were once humble abodes for the suburban population of Peach Creek have now been reduced to the most deplorable of living conditions. While very few of the houses managed to stay intact, the majority of them were nothing more than the skeletal frame of the building or a pile of rubble. After walking past a street full of derelict houses, the group finally arrived at the intersection of Grove Street and Rathink Avenue. To the left lay the ruins of the Cul-de-Sac of Peach Creek. In the street in front of them lead to the ruins of a former construction site of housing which was to be a new Cul-de-Sac in the area. Finally, to the right lay another street full of houses as well as the location of the Rockwell's residence.

"There's my Cul-de-Sac!" yelled Eddy in excitement.

"Well darn my socks." replied Rosie. "Here's what we'll do. Why don't you go on and scavenge around your little Cul-de-Sac while me and Sydney go down the other street and take care of business with the Rockwells?"

"Sounds good." replied Eddy.

"Just don't stray too far away from us, kid." replied Sydney. "In the event that an emergency situation breaks out we may not be able to reach you."

"Got it." replied Eddy.

Rosie whipped Bess and Tess with his cord/lasso again and the group walked down the right side of the intersection towards the Rockwell's residence while Eddy walked in the opposite direction into the Cul-de-Sac.

The first thing he noticed was Edd's house on the left side. The entire structure had nearly collapsed. While it hadn't been reduced to a pile of rubble on the ground, the force from the nukes had morphed the house into something that resembled a 1st grader's recreation of a log cabin made from Popsicle sticks. The rest of the houses hadn't fared much better. Eddy looked to the right side of the street and noticed that Kevin's house was ruined. Planks of wood fell off the walls and the entire structure looked as if it was ready to collapse. Eddy chuckled to himself after witnessing Kevin's wreck of a home. Unfortunately (or fortunately depending on your view), his reprehensible joy didn't last long. The next thing he noticed was that his own house had greatly suffered more damage. The entire roof had collapsed onto the building, crushing anything that lay beneath it. Eddy stared at his fallen home for a second. A single tear ran down his right cheek. He quickly wiped it off and slapped himself in the face.

"Get over it!" he shouted to himself. "It's just a stupid house!"

He turned around, not wanting to face his destroyed home. He saw that the rest of the homes in the Cul-de-Sac had shared a similar fate. Rolf, Nazz, and Jimmy's homes had also partially collapsed like Kevin's and Edd's while Jonny's house had been completely obliterated. The only thing left from the house where a few support beams that protruded out from the large pile of rubble which was formerly Jonny's home.

"Why is Jonny's house always the one that ends up busted?" asked Eddy to himself.

The only house that seemed to hold out was Ed's. The walls were a bit cracked and many shingles were missing from the roof but in all, the house mostly stood intact. After recognizing that this was the only house left standing in the Cul-de-Sac, Eddy decided to explore the interior to see if he could find any items of interest.

Eddy walked up to the extremely splintered front door. He barely pushed at the door and the entire thing broke off its hinges and dropped to the floor.

"Hm… Just call me 'The Doorman'" said Eddy.

A lamp hanging from the ceiling broke off and landed square on Eddy's head.

"Ow! Geez! What the?" Eddy looked at the lamp on the floor, then at the ceiling.

"That's the last time I make a lame pun." He said to himself.

Eddy entered the living room. The first thing he noticed was that the entire living room was in ruin. The wallpaper was peeling of the walls, the sofa was completely ruined and a cracked TV resided inside a splintering TV hutch. Overall, the place was dark, miserable and had the faint smell of charred wood. He searched around the place but found nothing of interest. He then moved on into the kitchen. The kitchen looked as bad as the living room. Dirt coated most of the floor while a dismembered dining table sat in a corner. A window was broken though it did let in some sunlight. The first thing Eddy did was search the cupboards and drawers. Ed's family had already cleared out all of the cupboards of food before they left for their designated Vaults. Eddy moved on to searching the drawers for any useful utensils. He only found rusted forks, spoons, and butter knives.

After having no luck in the kitchen, Eddy decided to search upstairs. The stairs creaked as he walked up them. With every step he took, Eddy feared the stairway would collapse under his weight. He reached the top and came across Sarah's bedroom. He wasn't really interested in searching the place so he decided to just peek inside. The only thing inside was an empty closet, a ruined toy box and a charred bed. Eddy moved on to Ed's Parent's room. He walked into the room but found that it was no different than Sarah's room, in terms of condition. He did notice a splintering desktop in the corner and decided to search the drawers. Most of them were empty with the exception of one, which contained a small sticky note with a string of random numbers on it. The numbers read "395-395-704".

"What is this? Some sort of secret spy code?" said Eddy to himself.

He searched the rest of the drawers but, like the cupboards, Ed's Parent's had already cleared out most of the drawer's important documents before leaving for their designated Vault. After having no luck with finding anything of interest upstairs, Eddy decided to check out two more rooms downstairs; the garage and Ed's room.

Eddy carefully walked down the creaky stairs and entered the garage. The place was mostly empty with the exception of a broken canoe sitting against a wall, a broken lawnmower resting in a corner, and a tool shelf resting against the back wall. Eddy ran over to the tool shelf to see if he could find anything useful. Unfortunately he had no use for any of the tools on the shelf, which only consisted of a hammer, multiple wrenches of various sizes, and a small container of nails. There was, however, a large, rusty saw but Eddy figured that it was much too big to fit inside his backpack and decided to leave it there. He left the garage and walked down into the basement area to search his last location; Ed's room.

As Eddy reluctantly pushed open the door to Ed's room he was greeted by the pungent scent of charred mildew. Eddy gagged after he witnessed what had become of the room. As if Ed's room wasn't bad enough, the devastating effects of the nukes rendered the room about eight times as worse than it normally was. A ruined bed, crispy monster movie posters peeling off from the wall, rotting piles of garbage stuffed into the closet, and a group of melted action figures adhered to the display shelves added to the horrific atmosphere of the room. Eddy had to hold the collar of his jumpsuit to block the awful odor from entering his nostrils. He suddenly tripped over a rusty muffler on the floor and laded on top of the bed. He felt something lumpy under the sheet and pulled it off to see what it was. A pile of garbage had eaten its way through the mattress! For a split second, Eddy swore he saw something moving its way through the garbage!

"WHAT IS THIS PLACE!" Eddy yelled at the top of his lungs.

Eddy hopped off the bed at a speed reaching mach 2 and dashed his way into the bathroom. He stood up against the wall and aimed his gun at the bed, his finger flinching at the trigger, ready to shoot the brains out of whatever crawled its way out from the mattress. After a nerve racking minute, Eddy declared that whatever he saw was probably just a figment of his imagination, and promptly holstered his gun. He looked around and saw that Ed's tub of gravy had dried up and the only thing left was a large brown ring around the tub. Eddy looked at the wall he stood against and noticed that Ed's sponge collection was spewing out of it. He picked up one of the sponges off the ground. It became rough and dry, and flaked off when Eddy started to scratch it. He tossed the sponge away and began to dig through the pile of sponges to check if Ed hid anything of value behind the wall. After greatly reducing the pile of sponges, a magazine of some sort fell out from the wall and landed near Eddy's foot. He picked it up and read the title.

"Fox Paws Magazine?" he said.

Eddy had absolutely no idea what the magazine was about. He flipped open the pages and examined the insides. Even upon further inspection Eddy still had no idea what the magazine was about. To tell you the truth, he didn't want to know.

"And I thought that 'Chicks Galore' magazine was weird" said Eddy to himself.

He folded up the magazine and stuck it in the bottom of his backpack. He planned to sell it for a ridiculous price to a wasteland pervert later on.

After giving up searching for loot, Eddy walked back upstairs and exited Ed's house.

As Eddy started walking out of the Cul-de-Sac, he took one last look around and started to reminisce about all the pleasant childhood memories he had, back in the good old days before the war. He realized that he would never be able to relive those memories, especially after all that has happened.

* * *

As Eddy walked pass the intersection and into a new block, he spotted the house Rosie was at. Sydney was waiting patiently outside a partially ruined house along with Bess and Tess while Rosie was still inside the house finishing his deal.

Eddy walked up to Sydney and stated, "I've been gone for like twenty minutes. Is Rosie still in there?"

"Sure is." She replied. "The Rockwell's invited him into their house for brunch. Ol' Rosie has never denied free food from a customer."

Their conversation abruptly ended after Rosie walked out from the house while an elderly couple waved goodbye to him.

"Take care, you two." said Rosie in response to the Rockwell's gracious hospitality. "Boy, Mrs. Rockwell sure knows how to cook."

"Shame you didn't save some leftovers for the rest of us." replied Sydney. "Let's hit the road."

Rosie responded. "Alrighty then. Let me just take care of one thing." He held a large handful of at least 300 caps and deposited them into a safe deposit box packed onto the side of Bess and Tess.

Rosie chuckled to himself. "I can't believe they actually bought that old micro fusion cell I had with me."

"Where next, Rosie?" asked Eddy.

"We'll be paying a visit towards a settlement by the name of Hubcap Flats, located in the slums of downtown Peach Creek. It gets its name on the account that the guy who founded the place decided to name it after the used car dealership he took shelter in." explained Rosie.

"That's kinda stupid." replied Eddy

"I'm not gonna lie. Ol' Jethro was really off his knocker when he came up with _that_ name. Ridiculous titles aside, most travelers just refer to the place as 'The Hub' for the sake of simplicity. The town is a major crossroad for traders and merchants alike. I'll have no trouble selling my merchandise among the scrap hungry citizens." replied Rosie.

"That's great and all but when are when gonna go to Vault 69!" spurted a rather impatient Eddy.

Rosie sighed. "Look, after we do business in The Hub for a while we'll take a moderate stroll over to this Vault of yer's and we'll be there before you'll know it."

"_Fine_…" groaned Eddy. "Man, I'm gettin' hungry. Were can we find a decent breakf—"

Before Eddy could complete his sentence the war cry of a distant male broke the conversation. The group immediately turned in the direction the cry came from. There an empty lot across the street from their position where a tall figure stood atop a rocky hill, brandishing a makeshift flail created from a long metal pipe, a metal chain, and a cinderblock.

Rosie immediately recognized the figure. He whispered, "Raiders…"

"What's going on?" Eddy yelled.

"We got a gang of hostile raiders planning to rip us to shreds! Find cover!" shouted Rosie.

With that said the group all ran for cover behind anything they could find. Sydney pulled out her Uzi and hid behind a large rock in the front yard of the Rockwell's. Rosie dashed behind a mangled picket with a slab of sheet metal resting against it, and pulled out his LeMat revolver. Eddy was left in the open. Acting quickly, he sprinted for cover behind Bess and Tess, hoping they'd act as a living shield.

Four other men suddenly appeared from over the hill. Most of the raiders had scavenged random junk from the wasteland and had created their own armor and weapons from it, though two of the men carried actual guns. The first raider wielded the aforementioned flail with the addition of an early leather football helmet on his head, while the second raider wielded a wooden baseball bat with multiple spikes driven through it as well as a cut in half rubber tire as a shoulder pad. The third raider had no head protection what so ever and let his spiked red hair sick out like some sort of psychotic bipedal porcupine. He also wielded a combat knife similar to Eddy's. The fourth raider wielded a rusty AK-47 assault rifle with a pair of welder goggles over his eyes. The final raider was of African descent and wore a leather jacket with spiked pieces of metal attached to his shoulders. He also wore a black top hat with a red hat band and wielded a hunting rifle. The only article of clothing the raiders shared in common was a red scarf suspended from their pant lines, which made them look as if they all were a part of a flag football team.

The raider with the flail yelled out, "AAATACK!" and charged at the caravan while swinging his flail over his head.

The other two melee weapon wielding raiders charged as well, while the AK raider hid behind a house and the hunting rifle raider hid behind a dumpster that had been abandoned in the lot.

The hunting rifle raider fired his gun at Sydney's cover. The sound of the gunshot frightened Bess and Tess causing them to run off into a safer area, away from the shootout.

Eddy's had lost his cover so he quickly jumped inside a trash can that was conveniently placed right next to him. Sydney popped out from behind the rock and unloaded a hail of bullets into the large body mass of raiders approaching her. The flail wielding raider had absorbed most of the bullets and immediately fell to the ground, dead. A few of the bullets came in contact with the bat wielding raider's left arm while the knife wielding raider avoided damage and ran behind a house out of cowardice. Though the bat wielding raider's left arm had been disabled it wasn't enough to stop him from charging towards Sydney's cover due to a sudden adrenaline rush as well as his own furious rage. Unfortunately, Sydney had already fired all the bullets left in her clip and didn't have time to reload. The raider had reached Sydney's cover and swung the spiked bat with his right arm as hard as he could at her. She managed to roll out of the path of the bat, which had now struck the rock. Sydney landed a hard kick directly into the gut of the raider, causing him to stumble backwards. The raider stood back up and rose up the bat, preparing the strike a blow to the top of Sydney's head when all of a sudden Eddy popped out from the trash can and fired his gun three times at the raider. The first bullet missed and flew between the raider's legs while the second and third bullet penetrated the raider's upper right thigh. The raider fell to his knees. Sydney quickly grabbed an extra ammo clip from a pouch in her vest and reloaded her Uzi, then fired a single shot through the raider's head. His lifeless body collapsed to the ground.

Meanwhile, Rosie was busy fending off the AK wielding raider. The raider ran for cover behind the dumpster while spraying a wall of lead at Rosie's cover. Luckily, the bullets missed their target and only hit around the edges of Rosie's sheet metal cover. Rosie laughed maniacally to himself after his evasion of death and the shouted "You picked the wrong day to mess with the great grandson of cattle rustler!"

He spotted one of the raider's heads popping up from behind the dumpster. Rosie stood up and fired four times at the raider's head. He missed every shot.

"Dagnabit!" shouted Rosie.

The rifle wielding raider stood up and fired his hunting rifle at Rosie. The bullet just barely grazed his head.

"I've got you covered, Rosie!" shouted Sydney.

She fired her Uzi at the side of the dumpster, hoping she managed to hit one of the raider's visible legs. The rifle wielding raider heard the bullets impacting the side of the dumpster and scooted towards the left side of the dumpster, bumping into the AK wielding raider.

"There's too much heat at this location. Cover me!" shouted the rifle raider to the AK raider.

The rifle wielding raider ran to his right, hoping to find cover behind a pair of trash cans in the front yard of a derelict house.

"Oh, no you don't!" shouted Eddy, peeping through the top of his trash can.

He once again popped out from the can and fired four shots at the raider. One of the bullets hit near the left shoulder of the raider causing him to collapse onto the ground behind the trashcans across the street.

Upon seeing his comrade fall to the ground, the AK-47 wielding raider shouted "I'll cut you open and use your intestines as my jump rope!"

He stood up from behind the dumpster and fired his AK at Eddy's cover. Luckily the AK was wildly inaccurate at long distances and most of the bullets missed their target though some of them managed to wiz through the edges of the trashcan.

"Not good!" shouted Eddy as the bullets impacted his cover. During the commotion, he lost his balance and the trashcan toppled over.

"Take that, ya' scrawny bastard!" shouted the raider.

Sydney popped up from her cover and fired at the raider. Several bullets penetrated the raider's chest and neck. The raider coughed up blood and promptly fell to the ground.

Eddy crawled out of the trashcan and jumped to his feet. He observed the battlefield and spotted the rifle wielding raider crawling out from behind the pair of trashcans. Using the last bit of strength in his body, the raider rose up his rifle and aimed at Eddy. Eddy tried to grab his gun from his holster until heard a gunshot. He looked up and spotted the lifeless corpse of the rifle wielding raider lying on the ground. He turned his head to the right and saw Sydney with her arm extended out, holding her Uzi. Eddy faced the dead raider across the street and shouted "Ha!"

He ran over to the lifeless body and kicked dirt onto it while shouting, "Not so tough now, are ya? ARE YA!"

Unfortunately, Eddy was too preoccupied with taunting the dead to notice the creaking wooden door of the derelict house in front of him.

Suddenly, the door _burst_ open and the raider wielding a knife (who previously avoided Sydney's initial hail of bullets) lunged at Eddy in a psychotic rage. Eddy looked up and suddenly his vision had shifted. The entire background had become a blur; the only thing he could see in focus was the razor sharp blade of combat knife speeding right towards his head. A sudden adrenaline rush of energy granted Eddy accelerated reflexes. He arched his back backward, attempting to dodge the blade. He wasn't quite fast enough, as the raider managed to slice a nasty quarter inch cut into Eddy left face cheek. Red bodily fluid exited Eddy's facial wound and into the air and the blade cut its way through.

Eddy gave out a cry of pain and fell to the ground, covering his wound with his left hand. The raider clutched his knife with both hands and raised it high above his head, preparing to deal the final strike onto Eddy's body. Eddy closed his eyes, anticipating his grim end when, all of a sudden, a gunshot broke the silence. Eddy opened his eyes and saw the raider drop his knife and clasp a large open wound to his right shoulder. Both Eddy and the raider turned the source of the gunshot. There, in the middle of the street stood Rosie; his finger on the trigger of his nickel plated LeMat revolver; a small stream of smoke poured out from smooth barrel of the gun.

"Your Judgment Day _has come_." He whispered to himself.

With that said Rosie flicked a small lever at the end of the hammer on his revolver and pulled the trigger, firing the 16 gauge smoothbore barrel shotgun on the underside of the main barrel. A swarm of lead injected buckshot flew directly towards the raider's head. The raider didn't even have time to react before the shot had obliterated his entire head into chunks of flesh and brain matter that spewed up to a length of about three yards away from where he stood. The body plummeted to the ground; his entire head had now been reduced to the stump of his neck.

Rosie twirled the gun around his fingers and holstered it. He then focused his attention on Eddy, who was stumbling to get back o his feet. Sydney helped Eddy up while Rosie ran over and assessed his injury.

"Looks like he's got a quarter inch gash in his cheek." said Rosie to Sydney. He pulled out a scrap of cloth from his pocket and handed it to Eddy. Eddy quickly grabbed the cloth with his bloody left hand and applied it to his wound to help coagulate the blood.

Eddy groaned in pain. "Gah! This hurts worse than a radscorpion sting!"

Sydney asserted. "Those damn raiders, have they no morality?"

"It's too dangerous to stay out here in the open. We gotta get to Hubcap Flats ASAP. They've a large medical clinic. Eddy will probably get better medical attention there than at Junktown. Loot any useful supplies off the raiders while I go and fetch the cow." said Rosie.

He spotted Bess and Tess down the street and ran off to go fetch them.

Sydney walked over to the dumpster to loot off the AK wielding raider.

Eddy walked behind the two trashcans and searched the body of the hunting rifle wielding raider with his free hand. He found the hunting rifle lying uncomfortably close to the decapitated body of the raider who almost killed him. Eddy gagged at the sight of the corpse. He picked up the rifle and examined it. It was a Colt Rangemaster bolt-action hunting rifle. The previous owner had modified the rifle to fire .32 caliber ammunition. The overall modification was quite shoddy; judging by the several pieces of twine that held the ammunition housing area together. It would make a fine addition to Eddy's arsenal none the less. He set it down on one of the trashcan lids and searched the body for ammunition. Eddy managed to scoop seven .32 caliber bullets out from the raider's pocket.

"Not bad." said Eddy as he observed the small handful of bullets he collected.

He placed the bullets into the pocket of his jumpsuit for temporary storage. Eddy continued to search the raider until he stumbled onto something unusual.

"What the heck is this?" he said to himself.

Eddy held the small red scarf that dangled out of the raider's pant line. Rosie came back with Bess and Tess and saw Eddy crouching on the ground.

"Whatcha find, Eddy?" asked Rosie.

"Get a load of this." He replied.

Sydney looked in their direction and Rosie signaled her to come over. All three observed the red scarf. At the bottom of the scarf was some sort of insignia burned into the fabric. The insignia was a black skull and crossbones with a bowler hat on its head.

"Lord Almighty." said Rosie in a sullen tone. "That there is the insignia of Joey Black's gang."

"Who?" replied Eddy.

"Joey Black. He's the leader of a merciless band of raiders in these parts. I've only heard stories 'bout his gang but this is the first time I've seen them in person. According to locals, his gang will fill you with lead then leave you for dead… Only if you're lucky. Sometimes they drag off helpless victims back to their hideout and torture them just for pleasure."

Eddy gulped in fear. "B-but we just killed Joey Black right now, right?"

"Naw. This ain't the corpse of Joey Black; it looks nothing like the wanted posters I've seen. He's probably relaxing in his hideout, expectin' a group of his men to return any minute now. Well, he's in for a big surprise.

Sydney spoke. "We should get going. It'll take an hour to reach Hubcap Flats, and we don't want to be stuck out in the open if a group of reinforcements show up."

The group stood up and gathered their supplies. Sydney managed to scavenge an AK-47 assault rifle with a few shots of 5.56mm bullets. Eddy took the cloth off from his gash. He felt the wound with his right hand to see if it was still bleeding. It had stopped and was starting to form as a scar. Eddy would most likely use it as a conversation starter for parties in the future. Eddy opened up his backpack and, once again, grabbed the box of 9mm bullets, reloaded his pistol, and holstered it. He slung his backpack over his shoulder and pulled out the .32 caliber bullets from his pocket to reload his hunting rifle. Eddy wielded his new rifle, Sydney packed her AK onto the back of Bess and Tess, Rosie gave a good whip to the posterior of the cow, and the caravan was off to roam the wastes once again. Destination: Hubcap Flats.

As the group left the former Cul-de-Sac of Peach Creek behind, Eddy had also left behind childhood memories of a once simpler life and had gained newer, unwanted memories; he had the scar to prove it.

During the journey over to The Hub, Eddy carried with him a burning desire for revenge against Joey Black and his gang of marauders, for he planned to track down Joey and bring him to justice at any costs. It was not the command of an authority figure that inclined Eddy to hunt down the aforementioned criminal. This time it was personal…

* * *

**Author's Note: **For those of you who submitted an OC to me, expect them to appear in the next few chapters.


	7. Chapter 7: The Heart of Commerce

**Author's Note:** The long awaited Chapter 7 is finally here; introducing an entire posse of new characters submitted by you, the fans! I'd like to thank all who participated in the OC submission contest. For those of you whose character didn't make it, there's always next time. What time that is I do not know, all I know is that it will be sometime later in the story. Enough of my berserk ramblings, on to the story!

* * *

**Chapter 7: The Heart of Commerce **

The caravan trotted across the wastes in their determined pursuit of the town of Hubcap Flats. The group constantly stayed observant and alert along their journey, fearing another ambush from a gang of raiders.

The only thing Eddy could think about was his burning hatred for Joey Black ever since a member of his gang delivered a nasty facial scar to his face. Along the way he was busy thinking up strategies and tactics on how to battle with Joey, should he ever cross his path. Hunger suddenly struck Eddy, realizing he hadn't eaten anything ever since the small midnight snack he ate during his stay at the Junktown Common House. He reached into his backpack and pulled out a small "Pep-Bar 3000". Eddy knew he had to conserve his food resources so he decided that he would eat only one Pep Bar and then eat a larger meal after the caravan settled in at The Hub.

The caravan walked through the main street of the Peach Creek Suburbs. Many of the stores and shops that had operated before the war had now become ruined and desolated. Eddy looked around and spotted many familiar landmarks. He spotted the Candy Store where he and the other two Eds would drool over the mouth watering candied spheres known as jawbreakers for hours upon hours. After seeing the store he recalled all the crazy scams they would try to pull off in order to obtain money to purchase said jawbreakers. Eddy sure did miss the good old days. The store stood in ruin; the front window was shattered, bricks were falling off the wall, and the interior had been looted and ransacked. Eddy looked at the other stores around the street. Lih's Supply Co, Danny's Meat Shop, Parsley Haven, and AKA Shoes had all suffered a similar fate.

"If only there was still useful loot left inside those places." Complained Eddy to himself.

The caravan started to walk parallel to a partially destroyed freeway that lead to downtown Peach Creek as well as the location of Hubcap Flats. There was not one road, but several roads that lead in and out of the city, like veins to a heart. Though the majority of the freeway was still standing, many sections of it had broken apart and had crumpled into a pile of rubble onto the ground. Rosie looked up at the freeway above him. A rusty road sign that hung above read "Downtown" with an arrow pointing straight ahead. The group decided to follow the freeway.

"Not too far now." Said Rosie. "We just follow the freeway and we'll be at The Hub in no time."

Despite what Rosie claimed, an hour passed. As the caravan neared an off ramp of the freeway, they were met with the sight of the destroyed skyline of downtown Peach Creek. What was once the majestic pinnacle of West Coast urbanization had now been reduced to a mockery of its former self. The bare, rusting, skeletal structures of former skyscrapers baked under the blazing heat of the sun. Not even the wind entered this dead city. There was, however, an abundance of life on the outskirts of the city. While derelict skyscrapers dominated the background, many smaller buildings had remained intact in the slums of downtown. The slums were located on the outer rim of the city where an off ramp from the freeway emptied into a district of small buildings. The group had finally reached the location of Hubcap Flats.

The caravan reached the front gate to the settlement. Eddy observed the perimeter of the town. The citizens of Hubcap Flats had erected large, multi layered walls of brick and sheet metal around many of the buildings on the outside rim of the slum district of the city. The entire settlement was surrounded by this great wall which protected them from most of the hazards of the wastes.

Eddy eyed the guards who kept watch on top of the front gate section of the wall. This town appeared to be heavily fortified, even more than Junktown, and was about as twice as armed. Many, if not all, of the guards were wearing military grade combat amour. They all wore matching green bullet proof vests with the words "Hub Police" painted on the back in white letters, with the addition of matching green ballistic helmets. The guards also had access to more advanced weaponry than Junktown, as all were armed with either the military grade M16A1 assault rifle or the Winchester City-Killer: Model 97 combat shotgun.

A guard carrying a clipboard stepped out of a small tollbooth near the front gate of the town and walked up to Rosie.

"State your name." The guard spoke.

"Oh come on, ya'll know my name." replied Rosie.

The guard had little patience and spoke more sternly this time, "_State_ your name."

"Robert Conagher." He replied.

The guard wrote down his name on the clipboard and proceeded to the next question. "Purpose of visit?" he asked.

"Business trip." replied Rosie.

"Type of Cargo and number of escorts?" asked the guard

"Scrap metal and… Uh…" Rosie turned around and looked at Eddy and Sydney. "Two."

The guard once again wrote on his clipboard. "Mode of transportation?" asked the guard.

"Two headed cow, thing." replied Rosie.

The guard wrote down a few more bits of info onto his clipboard then looked up at Rosie.

"Welcome to Hubcap Flats; Enjoy your stay." He said.

"Preeshiyaytit" replied Rosie.

The large sheet metal gate to The Hub was fixed to a set of wheels which rolled along a small rail on the ground. Guards on the opposite side of the gate rolled the oxidizing slab of sheet metal to the right, granting admission to the settlement of Hubcap Flats. The caravan walked through the front entrance and stepped into a world completely oblivious of perils and hazards of the wasteland beyond them.

Eddy stopped dead in his tracks and gaped at the settlement that encompassed him. This place was no Junktown. Rather than dingy little shacks most of the structures in the town were actual brick, stone, and concrete buildings leftover from before the war. Many settlers reoccupied the buildings and claimed them for themselves. Directly in front of Eddy laid a "main street" like section of town. Merchants across the settlement displayed their merchandise out on the street using makeshift stalls while others were lucky enough to occupy a building to showcase their goods. The street of merchandise seemed to stretch on without end. Vendors, customers, buyers, and sellers all banded together into this one place to make various offers, sales, and purchases with each other's, goods, services, and merchandise.

Rosie inhaled a large whiff of the air. "Smell that? That's the scent of money!"

Eddy suddenly snapped out of his trance and perked up at the very mention of the word "money".

"Money? Where!" he yelled.

"Oh, there'll be plenty of money rollin in once I set up mah shop. But before I do that, we gotta set up a few ground rules." spoke Rosie.

"First, I got to sell a moderate portion of my merchandise before we head off to this vault of yer's. After all, that's one of the main reasons why we're here. This will probably take about a day so we'll all be spending the night at that old motel over there." said Rosie.

He pointed to an old, pre-war, motel to the left of the front entrance of town. A towering sign, about as tall as the freeway, sprouted upward from the parking lot. The top of the sign took a beating from the war. Most of the color had faded away and the outside rim began to rust, however, the words "Super 6 Motel" were still visible. A fairly recent slab of sheet metal, added to the very bottom of the sign, read "We'll keep a fire on for ya".

"Me and Sydney are gonna set up shop in a vacant lot down the main street of town. You're free to explore the place but in the event that you get lost just head in the direction of where the sign is jutting up from." Spoke Rosie.

"I got it, I got it." replied Eddy.

"And whatever you do, if you ever venture across 'the wrong side of the tracks' keep your wallet in your front pocket and don't make eye contact with anyone. _Anyone_." Said Rosie.

"I don't have a wallet." Replied Eddy.

"Then I guess you won't have to deal with that problem." Replied Sydney.

"Well, that's about it. We'll be gone for the rest of the day but you can regroup with us back at the motel around nightfall." Said Rosie.

"Got it. See ya later" replied Eddy.

As Rosie and his caravan set off in search of a suitable location to set up shop, Eddy was free to explore the town on his own.

He decided to avoid the lisztomania of Main Street and instead chose to stroll down one of the many streets adjacent to the main street. Eddy walked down a smaller road and observed his surroundings. This place was no Junktown. As mentioned before, most of the town's structures comprised of buildings leftover from before the war. Some buildings had partially collapsed and had to be condemned by the town, but most remained intact with the exception of some minor exterior damage. The majority of the buildings were one to two stories tall while a few pre-war apartment buildings exceeded three stories. The street Eddy walked down wasn't as chaotic as Main Street, though there were a few merchants scattered about. As Eddy continued down the street his stomach muscles contracted, hunger had set in.

"Man, I gotta find a place to stop and eat." He thought to himself.

Eddy looked around a bit and spotted an old sign hanging from the wall of a pre-war restaurant. Eddy walked closer to the building and read the sign.

"The… See-clee-an Eagle?" he said to himself.

Eddy mispronounced the name of the sign, which really read "The Sicilian Eagle". The building was indeed a restaurant. A faded banner from before the war ran across the top of the building advertising "FOOD, DRINK, & POKER!" A small sign near the front of the door read "This Week's Special: Cow Fries – 5 Caps a Platter". Eddy decided to enter the restaurant, hoping to find an empty table where he could eat from one of the many food packages he brought from the Vault. As Eddy stepped inside he noticed that the place was actually kind of lively. Settlers sat in booths, located on either side of the front door, chowing down on delicacies of the wastes, while others sat up at the bar, drowning their sorrows in seemingly endless pits of alcohol. An old, 50s style jukebox, sat in a corner blasting out tunes from your grandpa's time. There was even a poker table off in another corner of the restaurant where a group of shady looking men were engaged in an intense game of fortune and blind luck.

A waiter spotted Eddy and walked up to him.

"Welcome to the Sicilian Eagle. I'm Giovanni. How may I serve you?" said the waiter.

Giovanni had slicked back black hair and wore a dirty apron over a set of worn out clothes. He spoke with a slight Italian accent.

"Sup." Replied Eddy. "Where's there a free spot where I can sit at?"

"Our indoor dinning booths are full at the moment but we still have plenty of room out in the veranda." Replied Giovanni.

"Alright then." Replied Eddy.

"Care to place an order?" Asked Giovanni.

"Nah, I'm just here to chill out." Replied Eddy.

"Very well." Replied Giovanni.

Eddy walked out the door to the veranda and took a seat next to a rickety, circular dinning table. He opened up his backpack and pulled out a few of the food packages he packed. Eddy set out a package of Meat Jerky, two Pep-Bars, a "Can-o-Spam", a "Happy Pie", a small box of "Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs" cereal, and a Military Grade "Meal- Ready to Eat" bag with the contents listed as "Liver and Yogurt Burrito", onto the table. _Bon Appetite_.

After contemplating whether to eat the fine delicacy of "Liver & Yogurt" or the "Can-o-Spam", Eddy ultimately decided to feast upon the "Happy Pie" for dinner. He popped off the plastic cover from the pie dish and began scooping chunks of the crusty confection into his mouth using a spork from his backpack.

"Hm. This stuff ain't half bad." He said to himself.

A few minutes later, Eddy had devoured the entire pie. He decided to wash down the meal with a swig from his water flask but when he brought the flask to his lips and sipped a small pint he quickly spat the liquid out.

"Gah! Why does it taste like medicine!" he yelled.

Eddy brought the flask to his nostrils and sniffed. He quickly moved the flask away from his nose after he inhaled a foul odor. It seems Rosie had replaced the contents of the flask with a little whiskey. Eddy turned the flask upside down and poured out the rest of the whiskey. He then carelessly tossed the empty pie dish behind him into a patch of dirt and packed away the rest of his food supplies. Eddy exited the veranda through a small gate and proceeded to explore the rest of the town.

He continued down the street. It went on for a while before a large section of the wall blocked Eddy's path. Even though the street continued onwards, the citizens of Hubcap Flats built up a wall to prevent anyone from going towards downtown. Eddy read a large warning sign nailed to the wall.

"Warning: Restricted Area. Downtown Danger Level: HIGH"

Eddy shrugged and wandered off down another street to his right.

* * *

He then walked into the center of the town. There, in front of him, stood the town hall. What was once a used-car dealership was now the chamber of commerce for a major settlement in the wasteland. Eddy read the large sign on top of the building. It originally read "Hubcap Flats Auto Dealership" though the latter had been painted over with the words "Town Hall". Numerous rubber tires were stacked around the perimeter of the building, acting as a fence. Two guards stood by at the front entrance of the town hall, each wielding a M16A1 assault rifle.

"I guess that's where the head honcho lives." Said Eddy to himself.

He faced the opposite direction and was starring down main street. He decided to try his luck and see if he could find Rosie and Sydney. After budging his way past crowds of buyers and sellers, Eddy came across the vacant lot where Rosie had set up his stall.

"Hey Rosie!" Eddy called. "How's it goin'?"

"I've seen better days". He replied. "I've only made twenty caps! These folks just ain't bitin'."

"I can help. I'll just use my charis-ma-tic charm to persuade the pigeons into buying." Replied Eddy.

"_Good luck_, kid. Here, take this." Rosie handed Eddy a rusty old vacuum cleaner.

It was no ordinary vacuum cleaner. It was an old fashioned pneumatic vacuum cleaner. The device weighed 17 pounds and was shaped like a canister.

"What the heck is this? Asked Eddy.

"It's an old vacuum cleaner." Replied Rosie. "I've had it in my inventory fer a long time; never been able to sell it. If you actually manage to sell it to a customer then I'll give you a small cut of the money."

"Just how much are we talking here?" asked Eddy. When it came to money, Eddy was determined to gain as much as he could.

"Ten percent." replied Rosie.

"Make it twenty." rebutted Eddy.

"Fifteen." Replied Rosie.

Eddy thought for a moment. "Deal.", he finally said.

Eddy took the vacuum cleaner and held it high above his head. He then yelled out into the crowd.

"Ladies and non-ladies! Step right up for a chance to purchase a one-of-a-kind historical cleaning device."

Rosie silently chuckled to himself. "You gotta be kidding me."

Eddy observed the crowd and pointed at a random man. "You, sir! Come on down!"

A man wearing filthy looking clothes walked up to Eddy.

"You look like the kind of guy who could use a deep clean once and a while. How'd you like to own a rare piece of early Americana? Behold, the canister shaped vacuum; specifically designed to hold any amount of household dirt you can find!" yelled Eddy at the man.

"That piece of junk doesn't even work!" replied the man.

"Well that's what so amazing about the vacuum. It can be used for a multitude of purposes. Thanks to its keen-o-nifty canister shape, designed by American vacuum technicians, cause you know we Americans always make good stuff, it can be used as a capsule to hold your most precious valuables!"

Eddy popped open the lid to the vacuum. "You followin' me? Think about it; what thief would ever suspect you hiding your valuables in a vacuum?"

The man showed a sign of interest. "Hm… You got a point. How much?"

"It's all for the low-low price of only… Forty caps!" replied Eddy.

"Forty caps!" yelled the man. "Forget about it!"

At this point Eddy degraded himself into some sort of vexatious pitchman. "But wait, for a limited time only, cuz we can't do this all day, I'll include a filthy magazine, _absolutely free_!"

"Filthy magazine you say? Sure, what the heck." The man pulled out 40 caps from his pocket and handed it to Eddy.

Eddy grabbed the magazine from his backpack and stuffed it into the vacuum cleaner. The man ran off with his purchase.

"Sucker." Whispered Eddy to himself.

Rosie then walked up to Eddy. "Sheeuuwee! You actually sold it!"

"I told you I could do it." said Eddy as he handed Rosie the caps. "Now about my pay..."

"Of course." Rosie handed Eddy 6 caps.

"Six caps! I thought you were gonna give me fifteen percent." Yelled Eddy

"That _is_ fifteen percent!" replied Rosie.

Eddy started to do a calculation in his head. After a few seconds of confusion he gave up.

"I hate math." He grumbled to himself. "Fine, whatever you say."

Eddy stuffed the caps into his backpack.

"Quick question. What was the magazine you sold to the guy?" asked Rosie.

"I honestly have no idea." Replied Eddy.

All of a sudden Eddy could hear the man scream "WHAT _IS_ THIS!" from across the street.

Fearing the man would come back for a refund, Eddy decided to leave the scene. "Well, I better get goin'. I'll meet back with you at the motel later, Rosie."

Eddy quickly fled from the street. He scurried back to the town hall, hoping that in the event that the man would beat him to a pulp, the guards would quickly end any conflict.

Eddy spotted a police station to the right of the town hall. He walked up to it seeking shelter. The building was made of brick and was slowly deteriorating. Eddy stepped inside out of curiosity. The interior was of moderate size. There was a front desk where a guard stood by as well as a lockup, where small time lawbreakers did hard time.

Eddy noticed a bulletin board hanging on the wall. The board was mostly full of wanted posters. Eddy viewed each of them. Some of the wanted criminals were Montgomery Adams, S. Underwood, "Kril", and "Big Jim". One poster stuck out from all the others. There, printed in the darkest of ink on the poster, was a name that was forever burned into the psyche of Eddy's mind; _Joey Black_.

Eddy snatched the paper off the board and closely examined it; scrutinizing every word printed on the poster.

WANTED: Dead or Alive

Joey Black

Crime: Pillagery and Manslaughter

Gender: Male

Race: Caucasian

Age: Early 30s

Appearance: Last seen wearing a dark colored suit, signature black bowler hat with red band.

Last Known Location: Sullen Souls Funeral Home

Reward: 1000 caps Dead or Alive

Eddy examined the eyewitness sketch on the poster. Joey had straight black hair that covered his head like a shroud. His thin face looked like a cross between an emo kid and Thomas Edison.

Eddy folded the poster and stuffed it into one of his pockets. He walked up to the front desk and confronted the guard standing there.

"Hey, you." Said Eddy.

The guard looked up. "What do you want, kid?" he said.

"I'm gonna hunt down Joey Black and I could use some backup."

The guard coughed and laughed at the same time at Eddy's foolish request.

"I'm serious. I'm going to hunt down and kill Joey Black!" Boasted Eddy.

"Yeah right." Replied the guard. "What makes you think a little punk like yourself can capture a psychotic criminal like Joey Black?"

"Because I have a personal vendetta against him, and I am determined to take him down!" replied Eddy.

The guard was getting tired of Eddy's antics. "Take a hike, kid."

"Listen here, Serpico! You see this scar?" Eddy pointed to the scar on his left cheek. "This is what he did to me, and I will stop at nothing to make that man pray for death. I don't care if I have to crawl over to his hideout with my legs tied up if that's what it takes to kill him! Nobody messes with Eddy." snapped Eddy.

The guard paused for a second, questioning Eddy's sanity.

"You're serious about this?" he finally asked.

"Dead serious." Replied Eddy.

"Alright then. Heck, if you want to go and get yourself killed, be my guest. Head into the backroom to meet up with the rest of the posse." Replied the guard.

"Posse?" questioned Eddy.

"Yeah, it just so happens that we're planning a raid on Joey's hideout tomorrow. It must be your lucky day." Replied the guard.

"Uh, okay." Said Eddy.

He walked through the door into a dimly lit room and stumbled upon a group of men sitting around a table with maps and weapons scattered across it. The men all looked up from their business and stared at Eddy.

"Who are you?" said a Caucasian man wearing a duster coat.

Eddy replied, "I'm Eddy and I'm here about the raid on Joey Black's hideout."

"Did the sheriff send you?" asked a man with a Hispanic accent.

"If the arrogant guy behind the desk back there is the sheriff then yeah." Replied Eddy.

"Is this some sort of April fools joke?" asked a man wearing a leather jacket and camo pants.

"Nope." Replied Eddy.

The men all whispered to each other, trying to decide whether Eddy was legit or not. After a small discussion they agreed to let Eddy in on the conversation.

"Alright, you're now a part of this discussion. Close the door." Said the leather jacket wielding man.

Eddy complied.

The duster coat wearing man spoke, "Well, now that we have a new member in the posse we should all introduce ourselves. I'm Kyle Cornwell. I've served the law enforcement in this town for five years and I'm also the mastermind behind this raid."

Kyle was Caucasian and appeared in his mid thirties. He wore a light brown duster coat over a dark gray button-up shirt along with a pair of dark brown pants. He had shaggy brown hair that reached down to his shoulders with an accompanying mustache. He also had a hunting rifle, similar to Eddy's, holstered on his back.

The man with the Hispanic accent spoke next. "My name is Daniel Santiago. I was born in the village of Oaxaca Nueva, along the Mexican-American border. My father taught me the ways of repair and smithing metal. When I was seventeen my village was overrun by these… green abominations. I was one of the only survivors. I settled in this town, swearing to protect it against any threat, hoping it will not end up like my village."

Daniel had Hispanic tanned skin and appeared in his early twenties. His light brown hair reached to his shoulders. He was about six feet tall, had lean muscles, and a "soul patch" on his chin. He wore a salmon-colored hooded jacket along with a pair of tan pants and tall brown boots. A pair of scoped .44 magnum revolvers were holstered on both sides of his waist. He also had a homemade battle axe forged from scrap metal attached to a clamp on his back. The axe was nicknamed "Gabriel Santiago del Oaxaca Nueva" in memory of his father and destroyed village.

The man wearing the leather jacket stood up from his chair and spoke. "I'm Lucas Smith. I managed to get a spot inside Vault 18 but the rest of my family couldn't get in. They perished when the bombs fell. When the vault finally opened I left in search of a new home. I never really liked vault life anyway."

"Same here!" interrupted Eddy.

"As I was saying, I eventually settled here in Hubcap Flats. I've always wanted a little adventure in my life so I decided to join the police force here. Judging by the way this upcoming raid sounds, I'm sure it will be an adventure to write home about. I also happen to be a very good shot."

Lucas was Caucasian with dark blue eyes. He had flat brown hair with a fringe to the right. He wore a well worn leather jacket, with several tears along both of the sleeves, over a tattered blue button up shirt, accompanied by a pair of baggy camo pants and a small pair of worn out black sneakers. Lucas had a slight limp as he stood up due to the pain caused by his shoes. He had a pair of N99 10mm pistols holstered on each side of his waist while a minigun rested against the back of the chair he sat in.

A man leaning against the back wall of the room came forward and spoke. "I'm Cody Sanderson. I came from a weird vault with no number. I was the only inhabitant. I wandered out into the wastes scavenging for food. I eventually found my way here and got job in law enforcement. It's the only job that pays enough to keep food on my table. I'm good with machine guns and lock picks."

Cody was Caucasian with straight blonde hair, almost like straw. He wore a dirty vault jumpsuit with no number on the back. An R91 assault rifle was holstered on his back while a large, razor sharp, Bowie knife was holstered around his waist.

A man wearing a mask sat up from a chair in a corner of the room. "I'm Jean Quake. I'm good with CQB combat as well as disarming traps. That's all you need to know."

Jean was Caucasian with short black hair. He wore a gray long sleeve shirt along with black pants and black shoes. An interesting piece of apparel he wore was a black mask that covered his face. Two eyeholes were cut into it, allowing him to see. He wielded an N99 10mm pistol as well as a combat knife.

Suddenly, another teenage boy in the room stepped forward and addressed himself. "Hey, wassup? I'm Jay. Please to meet ya."

Jay twitched and flinched as he extended his arm out to Eddy for a handshake. Eddy was reluctant to shake it.

"Don't worry, man. It's only hereditary" he said.

Despite not knowing what "hereditary" meant, Eddy shook his hand anyway.

"My Dad lost his left hand to this psychopath. I'm in this posse to put an end to the raider menace around here."

Jay was Caucasian with red hair that reached down to his shoulders. He was about Eddy's age and wore a black trench coat along with a black shirt and pants underneath. He had a pair of tranquilizer guns holstered on each side of his waist.

Finally, a figure emerged from a dark corner of the room. The man wore a hooded robe, which covered his face. "I'm Spearhead." Spoke the man in a strange yet masculine sounding accent. "I'm just in it for the caps."

Spearhead wore the aforementioned robes as well as a small shoulder bag around his arm. A Mauser C96 pistol was holstered on his side.

Lucas turned to Eddy and said, "And, you are?"

Eddy replied, "I'm Eddy. I came out into the wasteland to find a part for my vault."

"Really?" interrupted Cody. "Which vault?"

"Twenty three." Replied Eddy.

Cody nodded. "I had a feeling that there was another vault around here."

Eddy continued. "Anyways, a group of Joey's raiders attacked me and my friends this morning. One of them gave me this scar. I'm here to bring that two-bit schmuck to justice."

Daniel spoke. "You're seeking revenge against those who tormented you. I know that feeling."

After a brief moment, Lucas spoke. "Well, now that the introductions are over, let's get down to business."

The group all sat back down in their seats. Eddy grabbed an empty chair and pulled it over to the table.

"Our mission is clear, boys." Spoke Kyle. "Mount up, head over to Joey's hideout, kill that SOB, and bring his maggot ridden corpse back to base."

"And just how do you plan to do that?" questioned Eddy.

Cody spoke this time. "Our scouts managed to pinpoint Joey's hideout in an isolated strip mall near the Southern tip of the city. They said that a group of raiders particularly occupied the area around the 'Sullen Souls Funeral Home'."

Jay snickered. "What a fitting name."

"Indeed." Added Jean.

Spearhead sat quietly in the corner of the room.

Daniel leaned over the table and pointed to a location on a map spread across it. "His hideout is about half a day's journey from this settlement. It'll take a full day to travel to-and-from his hideout."

"We're gonna have to leave first thing tomorrow morning if we want to make it to the hideout before nightfall sets in." added Cody.

"Alright." Said Eddy. "So what about the reward?"

"Yeah, I could sure use a few caps." Added Jay.

Lucas spoke. "Well the reward is 1000 caps and there are eight of us, which means that we all get an even share of 125 caps."

"Sounds fair." Said Daniel.

"Good enough for me." Agreed Jay.

"Meh…" replied Eddy. 125 caps didn't cut it. He believed that the reward for bringing down a dangerous psychopath demanded a greater pay.

Kyle spoke. "Then it's settled. We set out for Joey's hideout at sunrise tomorrow morning. Get a good night's sleep, boys; it may be your last. Meet back in this room tomorrow for final preparations. After that, the lowlife degenerate will have only but a few hours to live. Dismissed."

All the men in the room stood up, grabbed any supplies they brought with them, and walked out the door.

* * *

As the group left for their respective residences, Eddy walked towards the "Super 6 Motel" Rosie and Sydney were staying at. The sun had started to set on Day Two of Eddy's journey; an orange glow filled the sky and shifted to a somber dusk along the horizon. As Eddy walked down Main Street many of the vendors and merchants were closing up shop. The street was not as crowded as it was during midday. As Eddy followed the towering motel sign to the parking lot he saw Rosie and Sydney while a city guard pulled Bess and Tess away.

"I'm back." Said Eddy to Rosie. "Where's the guard taking the cow?"

"He's taking it to heavily guarded pen where all the merchant owned cows stay the night. It's like a parking garage, _for bovines!_" replied Rosie. "So, whatcha do for the rest of the day, Eddy?"

"I stopped by the police station." Replied Eddy.

Rosie wondered what made Eddy decide to visit a police station, of all the places. "_I see_… So did you… Find anything interesting in there?"

"Yep. I found a wanted poster for Joey Black." Replied Eddy.

"I'd be surprised if Joey _didn't_ have his face posted everywhere. Did you get a good look at his mug shot? Ugly little bastard, ain't he." Replied Rosie.

"Well you won't have to look at it anymore real soon. Me and a posse are gonna go out and kill Joey tomorrow morning." Stated Eddy.

Rosie stood for a moment in disbelief. "_Boy_, are you insane!"

"Maybe I am. One thing for sure is that nobody messes with Eddy and expects to walk away unharmed!" replied Eddy.

"Well, it's your decision. As much as I'd like to help, I'm afraid I can't go with you to hunt him down. It's just too much of a risk." replied Rosie.

Eddy sighed. "Fine. So you'll still be here _when_ I return?"

"More like _if_ you return, but yes. I will. At least it'll give me some more time to sell my merchandise. I wish you luck and if you ever get into a one-on-one fight with Joey, give him a good kick in the ol' gonads for me." Replied Rosie.

"No problem." Replied Eddy. "So, we're staying here for the night?"

"Yep. I already rented a room. They ain't too big so we're all gonna have to sleep in bunk beds." Said Rosie.

"It'll do." Replied Eddy.

Sydney and Eddy followed Rosie up a flight of stairs to the second floor of the Motel. Rosie inserted a small key into a rusty tumbler on the door of room number 13. The door opened and the group stepped inside. Rosie wasn't lying when he said the rooms weren't that big. A pair of bunk beds, similar to the ones from Junktown, rested parallel to the sides of the room. A small nightstand with a makeshift lamp, which was really just a light bulb attached to a small power generator, sat between the two beds. A set of drawers was nestled in the front right corner of the room.

Eddy observed the small proportions of the room. "How much did this room cost?" he asked.

"It don't matter. This room ain't too different from the "master suite", it just doesn't come with indoor plumbing." Replied Rosie.

"So, how do we decide who sleeps in which bunk?" asked Eddy.

"It doesn't matter. I always get a whole bunk to myself." Replied Sydney.

"Well, I guess that just leaves me and Rosie… I call top bunk!" yelled Eddy.

"Dagnabit!" shouted Rosie.

The two adults settled into their respective bunks. Eddy placed his backpack into the desk drawers and propped up his rifle up against his bunk. He clambered up the ladder into his coveted top bunk and reflected on his day and the events to come. He made friends with a traveling junk merchant and was reintroduced to his former Cul-de-Sac. He survived an attack from raiders and swore revenge against the man responsible. He made it into the heart of commerce in the wasteland and joined up with a group of law bringers dedicated to his cause. Tomorrow awaited his journey of _retribution_. Eddy fell asleep and remembered Kyle's words; it may be his penultimate slumber.

* * *

Night fell. A mysterious figure conversed with the front gate guard. The gate rolled open and the mysterious figure walked out. The figure traversed across the arid wasteland in the dead of night for several hours, embracing the freezing temperatures, before arriving at a settlement. Many torches made from banded together sticks surrounded the small settlement of buildings and businesses. Several men stood guard around one building in particular. Torches lit the path to the business establishment; a decroded sign in front of the building identified it as the "Sullen Souls Funeral Home". The figure walked up the steps to the building, the torches illuminated its appearance. The hooded robe it wore concealed its identity. A shoulder bag wrapped itself around the figure's neck, while a Mauser pistol hung from a holster around its waist. A man wearing a uniform resembling that of a Nazi SS officer awaited the figure at the door to the establishment.

"You're late." Spoke the uniformed man. A thick German accent plagued his voice.

"They're planning a raid." Spoke the figure. "They'll be here by midday."

"_Excellent_. Just enough time." Said the uniformed man.

The man held out his left hand. Three of his fingers were missing. His ring finger and pinky finger clutched a small, transparent, inhaler with a reddish colored gas on the inside of it. The uniformed man released his grasp on the inhaler and the hooded figure quickly snatched it away from him.

The uniformed man insidiously chuckled to himself. "You have done well, Spearhead. I'm sure Mr. Black has special plans for you…"

* * *

**Author's Note: **There you have it folks. I'm not gonna reveal anything but the rest of the OC's will appear in the next chapter. One last note, if you subscribe to my story alert feature and/or if you add me to your favorite authors list, leave a freakin review! Please. Thank you. Out. –Jspy.


	8. Chapter 8: Retribution

**Author's Note: **The conclusion to Chapter 7, introducing the raider OC's submitted during the contest. Get ready, folks!

* * *

**Chapter 8: Retribution**

The uniformed man and the hooded figure walked side by side through the front doors of the Sullen Souls Funeral Home. The interior of the building had been neglected by the war but had recently been refurbished by the raider gang that moved in. Chains, graffiti, torches, and musty furniture decorated the foyer of the establishment. Two raiders sat in old, fold-out, lawn chairs around a burning barrel, each taking sips from bottles of warm, flat beer.

"Well, well. It looks like '_Ze Baron_' has returned with his boyfriend. Would you like a fine glass of Oktoberfest for you and your date, Mein Fuer?" Mocked one of the raiders.

The raider was Caucasian and appeared in his mid twenties. His hair was dark blonde and he wore a tattered, creamy-red shirt. A leather pad was attached to his right shoulder. He wore dirty blue jeans with numerous tears around the legs while a red piece of cloth hung itself around one of his belt loops. A lengthy knife was punctured into a wooden table next to his chair.

"You are trying my patience! One of these days, Atwater, your little jokes will lead you to your own burial plot out in the graveyard!" Replied "The Baron".

"Take a hike, _Deutsch-_bag." Jeered the second raider.

The second raider had tanned skin and appeared in his late twenties. His head had been shaved. He wore a deplorable set of American football gear, as many pads from the torso piece were peeling off. A tank of flammable liquid sat right beside his chair.

"Nice one, Jacoren." Replied Atwater.

The Baron scoffed and walked past the duo of hounding raiders. The Baron shoved opened a pair of doors which led to an underground tunnel. Spearhead followed suit.

Atwater took another swing of his beer. The bottle was empty. He tossed the glass bottle behind him where a collection of discarded liquor glasses started to pile up.

"Jacoren." He said. "Get off your ass and fetch me another beer!"

Jacoren rebutted, "Why don't you get one of the slaves to do it? Whoa, speaking of which, it's time for the daily check-up."

Jacoren stumbled off his seat and walked through underground tunnels. The tunnels were a recent renovation project dug by the raiders in an attempt to create a larger space to store their captive victims. The walls of the tunnel were lined with make-shift jail cells. Dead corpses, vermin, and live captives occupied the cells. Some of the cells held instruments of torture, used by the raiders to terrorize their victims for sick pleasure. Torches lit the path through the tunnel. Jacoren reached the midpoint of the tunnel where a deep well was dug into the ground. He peeked over the edge and taunted the unfortunate victim trapped at the bottom.

"It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again. HA!" shouted Jacoren.

Meanwhile, The Baron and Spearhead reached the end of the tunnel. The Baron thrust through another pair of wooden doors and found himself in a cemetery located behind the funeral home. Tombstones lined every plot in the rectangular area of the cemetery. Two mausoleums stood facing each other on each side of the dreaded graveyard. Directly in front of where The Baron and Spearhead had exited the tunnel stood a moderately sized ossuary. The Baron and Spearhead walked down the torch lit path to the crumbling front steps of the gloomy ossuary. As they entered the dreary inner chamber The Baron and Spearhead were greeted to the sight of a pale, thin, almost skeletal figure, sitting upon a throne decorated with the skulls of slain enemies.

"Who dares interrupt my time of interlude!" shouted a shrill, sneering voice.

The figure looked up and parted the straight black hair that shrouded his eyes in order to catch a glimpse at the two marauders who entered the room.

"Sorry to pop in unannounced, Mr. Black, but Spearhead has returned from his reconnaissance mission." spoke The Baron.

"Is that so?" replied Joey Black. He spoke to Spearhead. "And just _what_ do you hold possession of that may spark any sort of interest to me?"

Spearhead spoke. "I've infiltrated a posse of law enforcers back in The Hub. They're planning to raid this location by tomorrow afternoon."

"Well now…" replied Joey as he stood up from his throne.

His clothing was much more conservative compared to the gear the other raider wore. He had exquisite tastes judging by the slightly dusty black suit that covered his thin body. His pointy shoes were tipped with sharpened metal plates, ideal for penetrating the skull of any adversary that lay beneath his boot heel. Joey Black; Twice the greed, triple the insanity.

Joey walked behind his throne to a corner of the room stacked with all sorts of treasures and possessions stolen from the numerous caravans raided over the years. A spear protruded out above a pile of loot, a human skull impaled on the tip of it. Joey removed the black and red bowler hat from the cranium of the skull and placed it atop his own.

"I guess we'll have to arrange a little surprise party for them, won't we?" he replied.

Joey walked over to a closed wooden coffin prominently displayed on one side of the room. He looked down onto the lid of the coffin and admired the texture of the wood.

"Inform the others." He said. "Deploy defensive measures around the perimeter."

"Yes sir." Replied Spearhead.

"Jawohl." Replied The Baron.

The two returned back to the main building.

Joey kept observing the features of the coffin.

"I've got a special plot picked out for those loathsome law bringers and _this_ little demon spawn will help me bring their ultimate demise." Joey laughed maniacally to himself.

A simple word was brutally etched into the side of the coffin, "Undertaker".

Meanwhile, in the foyer of the funeral home, The Baron was reciting a tactical plan to combat the upcoming posse.

"Gentlemen." He said as he stood atop a podium. "A group of do-gooders will be arriving at zeece very spot by midday. We must set up defensive measures around ze compound if we are to gain ze upper hand."

"Alright!" shouted Atwater. "Another chance to kick some goody-two-shoe ass! 'Hope they got some good loot on their corpses."

"Moonlight is burning. We must get to work quickly if we are to finish in time. Our mission shall not cease until the corpses of ze law bringers hang freely from ze roof of zeece building!" The Baron raised his good hand into the air.

"Hell ya!" shouted Jacoren. "I'll feed those punks to my pet iguana!"

"You don't even have an iguana." Replied Atwater.

"By midday tomorrow there'll be a large reptile sittin' in your chair callin' you a liar!" rebutted Jacoren.

"If I see any of you slacking off during the next few hours you'll be the first to hang from ze building!" shouted The Baron. "Now go off and have fun vith your work." He said in a cheery voice while he slicked back his dirty blonde hair.

The group dispersed, each gathering supplies and obtaining weapons for the upcoming siege.

Jacoren grabbed his tank of flammable liquid and dragged it up the stairs to the second floor overlooking the foyer. He then grabbed a flamethrower nozzle and began piecing together a trap for the unsuspecting law bringers. Atwater snatched his knife from the table and holstered it in a pouch around his waist. He walked into a supply room on the first floor and came out holding a crate full of trip mines. An insidious smile appeared on his face as he walked out the main doors of the building. Spearhead walked into the raider's barrack room. He sat upon one of the bunk beds and pulled out the inhaler given to him by The Baron earlier from his pouch.

"It all pays off sooner or later." Said Spearhead to himself.

He brought the nozzle of the inhaler to his mouth and pressed down on a button on top of it, inhaling the reddish colored gas on the inside. He was soon transported to a world of purple haze and Californian sunshine.

The Baron walked up to the second floor of the building and entered a room with the name "Frederick von Richter" carved into the door. Having a strong sense of order and leadership as well as becoming Joey Black's right hand man gave Frederick the benefit of obtaining his own personal room. His room was decorated with many artifacts from both World War II and the resource wars prior to World War III. Frederick had been obsessed with the third Reich and idolized Adolf Hitler. He finally hit the jackpot after he raided a museum full of wartime objects. Propaganda posters lined the walls and various ammo boxes littered the floor. He even managed to score an authentic Nazi SS officer's uniform, which he proudly wore every day. He opened up a weapons locker and pulled out his most prized possession; a legitimate 9mm Luger Pistol from World War II.

"Ze service to the order of Black shall continue." He said as he holstered his gun into his uniform.

* * *

Hours passed and the sun began to rise.

Back in the town of Hubcap Flats the posse was making final preparations before heading out. Eddy arrived on scene along with Rosie.

"Glad to see you didn't bail on us overnight." Said Cody.

"Let's get this show on the road." Replied Eddy

"Just give us one more minute." Replied Daniel.

The posse all checked their weapons and reloaded any missing ammunition.

Daniel holstered his battle axe to his back and reloaded ammunition into each of his revolvers.

Lucas held up his minigun and admired the masculinity of it.

Cody loaded ammo into his R91 assault rifle.

Jean sharpened his knife against a whetstone a few more times then sheathed it into a pouch.

Jay loaded a poison tipped dart into one of his tranquilizers.

Finally, Kyle aimed down the sights of his hunting rifle and pretended to fire at an imaginary flying target.

Before the group set out, Jay raised an important question.

"Say, has anyone seen that hooded dude, Spearhead?"

The posse all looked at each other and shrugged.

"He must have chickened out." Replied Cody.

"Forget about him." ordered Kyle. "Move it out, men!"

The group began walking towards the front of Hubcap Flats. The front gate guards saw the incoming posse and promptly rolled open the gate.

"Well, it looks like you got yerself a little convoy goin' there." Said Rosie to Eddy.

"Haw, haw. You know what; maybe I'll give you Joey's hat as a present from my return journey." Replied Eddy.

"Nah, you can save it for yerself. As you can tell I'm not really a hat person." Replied Rosie. For a split second the visor of his mask seemed to flash a bright light.

Rosie continued. "Allow me to walk you out the gate."

As Eddy and Rosie walked behind the posse out the gate Rosie began to sing a patriotic war song.

"Praaaaaise the lord we're on a mighty mission, aaaall aboard, we ain't a-goin' fishin', praaaaise the lord and pass the ammunition and we'll aaaaall staaaay freeeeee!"

As the posse and Rosie walked past the front gate the guards rolled it back into place. The loud "bang" emitted from the gate closing alerted Rosie. He quickly turned around and realized that he was trapped outside.

"Hey, wait a minute!" he shouted.

* * *

The posse wandered the wastes for several hours, in constant pursuit of the Sullen Souls Funeral Home. Eddy had eaten the small box of Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs for breakfast, hoping the small sugar rush would give him some energy to fight in the upcoming battle. The group followed the derelict freeway southward. It wasn't until another hour when Jay spotted a landmark along the horizon.

"Hey!" he yelled. "Take a look over there!"

The group looked in the direction he pointed at.

"It looks like some sort of advertisement sign." Said Lucas.

The group walked for a few more minutes until they reached an off-ramp of the freeway. The off-ramp led into a small strip mall where a large billboard towered near the entrance to the parking lot, advertising travelers to "Visit Peach Creek Premiere Outlet Mall".

"We've reached the strip mall." Said Cody. "Keep your eyes out for raiders."

The group wearily walked through he abandoned parking lot. For the most part there were no signs of raider life, only the sights of deserted stores and rusty shopping carts dotted the landscape.

"It's quiet." Said Daniel. "I don't like it."

Eddy clenched his hands tightly around his hunting rifle.

As the group neared the corner of the strip mall, Lucas spotted the funeral home.

"Over there." he urgently said. "There's the Sullen Souls Funeral Home."

"Alright." Spoke Kyle. "Jean and Jay, sneak over to the side of the building and search for a back way in. Take em' by surprise. Cody and Lucas, when I give the signal crouch behind that old car and give us covering fire." Kyle pointed to a rusty old car in the parking lot. "Eddy and Daniel follow me and provide covering fire. Joey's rein of terror ends today."

Little did they know that a dour German marauder was watching their every move from a second floor window of the funeral home; an M60 machine gun perched from the windowsill. Using his good hand, he signaled a raider, crouched on top of the building, through a large hole in the ceiling. The Baron gave the "cutthroat" gesture and the raider nodded his head.

The raider peeked over the edge of the building; waiting for the Baron to give the signal.

"AAAANGRIIIIFF (attack)!" He shouted, summoning every cubic millimeter of oxygen from his lungs and forcing it all into his fatiguing battle cry.

The raider on the roof answered to the call of battle. He violently yanked the pin from a fragmentation grenade and pitched it out into the parking lot at a speed that would even make Joel Zumaya jealous.

The world seemed to run in slow motion. A sudden sense of déjà vu hit Eddy, recalling the life changing event that occurred to him a mere day ago. He detected the deadly explosive hurling through the air towards his location. Eddy looked down and spotted strange little antennae popping up from the oddly placed patches of dirt on the ground. The blinking red lights on the tips of the antennae revealed their true identity to Eddy. His group had stumbled into a minefield and the lone frag grenade making its way back to Earth was going to cause an effect equivalent to a match in a warehouse full of dynamite. Eddy's quick reflexes shifted into gear. The first words he hollered out from his mouth were "Duck and cover!"

Before the group could even react to Eddy's command, the grenade had already touched down. The fuse had reached its payload, a deadly combination of compressed air, thermal energy, and deadly shrapnel was released. The force of the frag grenade soon set off a chain reaction of expositions. Some landmines near the initial blast soon detonated, releasing and even greater explosion than the grenade which, in turn, set off other landmines within the vicinity of each other in a domino like effect. The sky was soon filed with a mixture of fire, smoke, and dust. The group immediately ducked to the ground after the first explosion detonated. Shrapnel rained down from the sky upon the posse.

The sound from the multiplied force of the simultaneous explosions caused Eddy's hearing to be temporarily impaired. He clasped his ears but it would not stop the ringing. Every sound occurring in the battle had been reduced to a faint muffle. He could only brace himself behind a derelict car and watch as the other men took evasive action. Jean and Jay sprinted over to the side of the building, following Kyle's plan. Cody and Lucas hid behind the cover of another automobile while a bullet storm from the window of the building pounded against the sides of the car. Kyle hid next to Eddy trying to dodge the hail of bullets. A spark from a ricocheted bullet struck against the door of the car. Eddy turned and saw Daniel, pointing his arm up in the air and shouting something. Eddy looked up and spotted a raider sniper standing atop the service edge of the billboard. Kyle withdrew his rifle and immediately fired at the man. He hit his target; Newton's Law was not kind to the man. The raider plummeted back down to terra firma, no doubt leaving a nasty splat onto the asphalt.

Eddy regained his hearing. He heard the sound emitting from the rapid firing machine gun deployed in the window. Suddenly, a troop of three raiders, all brandishing assault rifles, burst out from the front doors and began to fire upon the posse.

The Baron's insidious laughter cackled over the sound of his machine gun. "I am ze Übermensch!" he boasted.

His M60 suddenly ran out of ammo and needed to be reloaded.

The Baron muttered the word "Scheiße" upon hearing a "clicking" sound from his empty gun.

Seizing this opportunity, Cody shouted "Attack, now!"

Cody immediately fired upon the trio of raiders with his assault rifle. A hail of bullets struck the lead raider, dropping him to the ground. The other two raiders took cover behind a short, stone fence surrounding the front yard of the funeral home.

"It's a good day to die!" shouted Lucas. He revved up the barrel of his minigun and unloaded a swarm of bullets at the second story window of the building.

In response, two raiders popped up from the top of a building adjacent to the funeral home. One raider wielded a hunting rifle while the other started to lob a hailstorm of grenades down onto the battlefield.

Daniel spotted them and shouted "To the left! Above us!"

Eddy and Kyle both responded by firing upon the raider's perch. Kyle was locked in a duel of rifle shots with the rifle wielding raider while Eddy was trying to aim at the grenade lobbing raider. He fired four shots at the raider but was too far out of range. The bullets either merely impacted the side of the roof or flew into the great blue yonder.

"Gah!" Eddy yelled out in frustration. "Why can't I hit anything?"

A grenade exploded too close for comfort near the group.

Daniel shouted "There's too much fire at this location! We need to move up!" He spotted another derelict car standing between his location and Cody and Lucas' cover. "I'm moving up to that car. Give me covering fire!" he shouted.

Daniel made a break for it, dodging flying bullets fired by the rifle wielding raider. He slid behind the car like a baseball player to home plate and withdrew his twin scoped magnums. He fired upon the grenade throwing raider, his bullets all reaching their target. The raider dropped the live grenade he held and clenched his chest. He fell the ground while his grenade detonated, killing the rifle wielding raider in the process. Daniel laughed to himself after witnessing this great accomplishment.

Eddy and Kyle moved up to the car. The raiders hiding behind the wall began to fire back. Eddy popped up and fired his handgun at them a few times. He missed every shot but opened up an opportunity for Cody. While raiders focused their attention on Eddy's cover, Cody popped up and fired his assault rifle at the attacking raiders. They both fell to the ground, dead.

"It's a freakin' ambush!" shouted Eddy. "How the heck did they find out about our raid!"

Daniel thought for a moment until he figured out a reply. "Spearhead, the only man missing from our posse!"

Kyle growled. "I should have never trusted that damn snake in the grass! When I get my hands on that sonofabitch his entrails will be spewing across the floor when I'm through with him!"

Lucas' minigun ran out of ammo and needed to be reloaded. Suddenly, gunfire from the Baron's machine gun made an unwelcome return. The bullets pounded against the side of Lucas and Cody's cover. Eddy detected a pattern.

He shouted to his group, "When the gun runs out of ammo we all make a run for the door!"

Soon enough, the Baron's M60 had ceased fire although this time is was due to overheating, this would give them even less time to head for the doors.

"Gah!" the Baron shouted. "Curse this American firearm!"

"Make a break for it!" screamed Eddy.

The posse jumped up from their positions and sprinted to the front doors of the funeral home. The Baron observed the group approaching and promptly fled to another position.

Kyle led the way and kicked open the doors, screeching a battle cry while aiming for the Baron's head as it darted across the railing of the second floor.

"All of you are dead!" he hollered.

He spotted the stairway and began to climb his way up them in pursuit of the Baron. When he reached the top step his foot caught itself in a tripwire. The wire opened up a door directly in front of Kyle, revealing a flamethrower mounted to a chair.

"Sh—" was Kyle's final word before he felt the wrath of the flamethrower. He was soon engulfed in a roaring fireball of unstable thermal energy, the oxygen around him fed the flames. He tumbled backwards down the stairs, screaming as the flames consumed his entire body. Eddy had never witnessed a more horrific sight in his entire life. The Baron maliciously laughed as the law bringer burned to a crisp.

"Vatch the beautiful _FIRE_!" he cackled before running off into the bowels of the second floor.

Kyle stumbled his way out the front doors as the fire started the rapid conversion of his body to carbon.

"Kyle's down!" shouted Cody.

Eddy ran towards the door until Lucas blocked him.

"I'm sorry, but there is no way we could possibly save him." He replied.

Suddenly, Eddy heard the echo of footsteps coming from a hallway. "There's more of them coming!" shouted Eddy. "We got to find cover!"

The group disbanded and ran for what ever cover they could find. Lucas hid inside a small storage room, Cody and Eddy hid behind a couch lying around in the middle of the room while Daniel crouched behind an old metal barrel. The group all aimed their guns down the hallway, fingers on the trigger, reach to blast away any raider that walked in range when, all of a sudden, a pair of familiar figures walked by.

"Hold your fire!" shouted Eddy.

The two were none other than Jay and Jean.

"It's about time you showed up." Spoke Daniel.

"Well there was a bit of opposition when we tried sneaking through the side door but I managed to take care of 'em." Spoke Jay.

Jean cleared his throat.

"…_We_ took care of them." Corrected Jay. "Say, where's Kyle?"

A moment of silence fell upon the group. Cody broke the silence. "Kyle's dead."

"The darn flamethrower trap at the top of the stairs got him." Added Eddy.

"Shame…" replied Jean. "I'll disarm the trap. After that, a few of you need to clear out the second floor of any remaining raiders while the rest track down Joey Black."

The group complied. Jean carefully crouched up the stairs. Right when he reached the top step his keen observation skills spotted a pressure plate installed into the ground. Using his knowledge on common wasteland trap methods, he realized that the now broken trip wire opened the door while the pressure plate activated the flamethrower. He carefully avoided the plate and walked into the closet where the flamethrower was housed. After tinkering with the trap for a bit, he managed to disarm it. He signaled for the others to come up to the second floor. Jay and Daniel went with Jean to clear out the second floor while Lucas, Cody, and Eddy searched the bottom floor for Joey Black.

* * *

As Jean, Jay, and Daniel searched the corridors of the second floor they found no signs of raiders.

"These hallways give me the c-creeps." Stuttered Jay. "It's like some sort of horror movie."

After a brief walk through the empty corridors they walked through an open doorway arch which brought them to a spacious display room, filled with multiple caskets lined around the walls, a leftover from before the war.

"I don't like the looks of this." Whispered Daniel.

All of a sudden the caskets were flipped off from their display tables and three raiders jumped out from behind them. Atwater happened to be a part of the group, wielding a sawn-off shotgun.

The posse members took evasive action. They all tumbled out of the path of Atwater's shotgun spread. The other two raiders wielded knifes and charged at the posse members. Daniel grabbed his battle axe and blocked the knife of one of the attacking raiders.

"Mine's bigger." He taunted to the raider.

Daniel shoved the axe handle at the raider, causing the raider to stumble backwards in the process. Daniel charged at him and hacked the axe into the raider's neck, ending his life processes.

Meanwhile, Jay jumped out of the path of the oncoming raider. Before the raider could turn around and slash Jay, Jay pulled out his dart guns, each loaded with multiple poison tipped darts. Jay rapidly shot darts into the unprotected back of the raider, like a nail gun to a wooden board. By the time he was finished the raider collapsed dead onto the floor, his back looking like the work of a psychotic acupuncture doctor.

At the same, Jean leaped over the casket Atwater hid behind. Atwater was too busy loading the second shotgun shell into the gun to notice the masked executioner flying towards his face. Jean tackled him to the ground and repeatedly punched him in the face. As Atwater reached for his shotgun lying an inch away from his arm, Jean pulled out the Bowie knife from his sheath and stabbed Atwater in the neck; one less raider to worry about.

Meanwhile, Lucas, Cody and Eddy stumbled upon a pair of double doors. A sign that read "The Crypt" stood above the entrance.

"Hm." Said Eddy "That's the kind of place I'd expect a crazy raider to hide in."

Without further a due, the group walked through the doors and stumbled into the underground tunnel system.

They were met by the sight of decaying corpses locked in cages, mutated vermin scurrying across the floor, the foul odor of death in the air, and the moans and screams of terror from the suffering victims trapped within the tunnels. As the group continued down the torch lit path they came across a few cells with live hostages locked inside them. Eddy walked up to one of the cells where a sickly old man crawled up to the bars of the cell.

"Please…" he said in a weakened voice. "_Help_ us…"

Eddy turned to his group. "We can't just leave them here to rot." He said.

"Well, I guess I can tinker around with the locks; see if I can pick them open." Replied Cody.

"I'll keep an eye around the tunnel in case any more raiders decide to show up." Added Lucas.

"Get to it." Replied Eddy.

Cody started picking locks around one side of the tunnel while Eddy searched down the tunnel for any other prisoners. He came across a deep well in a circular shaped cavern where an unfortunate woman stood at the bottom. Eddy peeked over the side and spotted the damsel in distress.

"Don't worry lady, I'm here to help." He shouted down the well.

"Please hurry!" she shouted back. "Those awful men may come back!"

Eddy frantically searched the cavern for a method of rescuing the woman. He spotted a platform above the well, suspended by a rope coiled around a winch. Eddy figured he could lower the platform down so that the woman could hitch a ride to the top.

"Alright, lady." He called back. "I'm gonna lower this platform thing. Jump onto it and I'll get you to the top."

Eddy turned the crank of the winch and lowered the platform down. The woman at the bottom of the well climbed aboard and Eddy raised the platform up to the surface. The woman scrambled off the crate ridden platform and regrouped with the other captives. Eddy raised the platform back up to its original position on the ceiling.

A few moments later Cody had released the captives from their cells and they all huddled together into a group.

"We must flee at once!" yelled one of the men in the group.

"You can't just yet." replied Lucas. "There could still be more raiders waiting for us back there."

Eddy quickly thought up a plan. "Cody, Lucas, make your way back to the entrance of the building; have the captives go with you. I'll continue forward and search for Joey Black."

"Are you sure, kid?" asked Cody.

"It's better to have the captives leave the building then to have them wait in here." Replied Eddy.

Lucas responded, "As you wish. Be careful out there."

"Ah well, at least we're in a safe spot for n—" Eddy was cut off by the ear deafening sound of a fragmentation grenade exploding in the cavern.

Dust was strewn across the tunnel while chunks of the ceiling crumbled to the ground. As the dust cleared Eddy and the group caught a glimpse of a figure walking through the dust cloud. It was none other than The Baron, a frag grenade clenched in his right hand while a grenade box was grasped by his left.

"_Hello _fräuleins!" taunted the Baron.

Eddy growled. Right before he could pull his handgun out from his holster The Baron tossed another grenade. Eddy threw his body behind a stack of crates to shield himself form the blast. The grenade detonated, sending the group of captives into a panic. Many of them sprinted for the exit. The dust cloud blocked their vision, many of them trampled over Cody and Lucas, preventing them from assisting Eddy. Eddy grabbed a torch from the wall next to him and waved it around in the air hoping to clear up the dust. He could hear the Baron firing shots out into the frenzy of captives making a break for the door. The dust cleared and Eddy got a clear sight of the Baron, aiming his Luger pistol down the tunnel. Eddy charged at the Baron, swinging the torch like a Louisville slugger into his torso. The Baron was knocked off his feet and stumbled back until he hit the side of the well. Eddy grasped the torch handle with both hands and attempted to strangulate The Baron by forcefully pressing the torch to his neck.

The Baron struggled to push away the torch. Through his strenuous gasps of air, The Baron managed to shout "Take your vile hands off me, schweinehund!

With a great force of strength, The Baron shoved the torch away from his neck. He reached down to grab his Luger but Eddy charged at him again, this time using the torch to set fire to his uniform.

"How do _you_ like it!" shouted Eddy at The Baron.

The Baron shrieked in pain and flailed his arms around in the air. Eddy charged at him for the last time. He knocked The Baron over the ledge and down into the bottom of the well. The sound of splashing water was emitted and the Baron's cackling laughter followed soon after.

"It takes more than _that_ to kill me!" he shouted up to Eddy.

Eddy looked down the well and scowled at the Baron. Cody and Lucas finally stood up walked over to Eddy.

"That was one heck of a fight you put up. Bravo." Praised Cody.

"It's not over yet." Replied Lucas as he picked up the torch from the ground.

Lucas tossed the torch up onto the platform, setting the crates placed above it on fire. He walked over to the winch and kicked the crank, rapidly lowering the platform down to the bottom of the well. The Baron looked up and saw the blazing pile of debris falling straight towards his head. The final word he spoke before his impending doom was "Scheiße".

A loud crash emitted. The group walked over to the edge and looked down at the burning pile of wood and psychotic Nazi-wannabe that lay smoldering at the bottom of the well.

Eddy came up with a_ witty_ retort. "Frankfurters anyone?"

"Good Lord…" replied Cody in response to Eddy's groan-worthy one-liner.

Eddy spoke once more. "Well, you guys better go make sure the captives are okay. Try to meet back with me after you do so. I'm gonna go ahead and search the rest of this tunnel for Joey Black."

Lucas and Cody complied without question. As Cody and Lucas left to attend the captives Eddy continued down the tunnel until he reached another set of double doors. He pushed against them with great force until they eventually opened up.

* * *

Eddy emerged into a dreary cemetery. Tombstones and grave markers lined every corner. Two mausoleums stood facing each other to the left and right sides of the cemetery. A dark figure with his back towards Eddy stood atop the steps of an ossuary directly in front of him; a wooden coffin strapped to its back like some sort of morbid book-bag. The word "Undertaker" was brutally etched into the side of the coffin. The figure turned around and revealed itself; it was none other than Joey Black, the vilest raider of the wastes.

Joey walked down the steps of the ossuary. At the same time two other raiders entered the battlefield, one from each mausoleum. To the left approached a raider wielding a shoddy Uzi submachine gun while the raider formally known as "Jacoren" approached from the mausoleum to the right, grasping a lit Molotov cocktail in one hand and a crate full of bottles in the other. The three raiders grinned evilly as they slowly approached Eddy.

Eddy stood facing the raiders, his right hand parallel to his pistol, ready to draw at a moment's notice. The scene resembled an old west showdown, a good guy on one side versus a group of bad guys on the other. Without further hesitation Eddy drew the gun from his holster and fired a single shot straight at Joey. Joey was quick to act. He immediately flipped around, letting the bullet impact the back of the coffin. Eddy continued to squeeze the trigger, hoping the bullets would somehow penetrate their way through the coffin and into Joey's back. His magazine soon ran out of ammo. While Eddy tried to reload Joey removed the coffin from his back, picked the lock off the side, and pried off the lid. He then pulled out a strange looking device from the coffin. As it was pulled completely out from the box a tripod automatically unfolded out from the bottom of the device. After Eddy managed to reload his gun he looked up and caught a glimpse of the diabolical device Joey had unearthed from his coffin.

There, directly in front of him, mounted onto a tripod, with the sound of its multi-barreled chamber revving up, stood a high powered, custom modified minigun. With a firing rate of over 10,000 rounds a minute and the 200 cap-a-piece custom tipped bullets fed into it, Joey's gun could shred a man into ribbons and could spend a fortune of 333,000 caps just by firing the weapon… For ten seconds. The gun certainly lived up to its name of "The Undertaker".

Upon associating the mechanical "whirring" sound of multiple minigun barrels with imminent death, Eddy immediately hurled his body behind a small, three foot tall, stone fence to shield himself from the unforgiving wrath of the minigun.

A blaring sound emitted as Joey fired the minigun; one may even confuse the sound for that of a buzz saw due do its outrageous rate of fire. The bullets impacted the wall Eddy hid behind, causing it to chip and break apart as if it was made from a saltine cracker. Eddy crawled along the wall, hoping to reach better cover, when all of a sudden a fire broke out behind the wall near Eddy. Jacoren, the lunatic raider, had hurled a Molotov in attempt to roast Eddy alive. Eddy could somehow hear Jacoren's psychotic laughter over the sound of Joey's minigun.

Joey's minigun inevitably ran out of ammo. Joey bent down and pulled out a lengthy ammo belt from the bottom of his coffin and began to load it into the gun. Eddy seized the opportunity and popped out from his cover, firing many shots at Joey. Unfortunately the bullets either missed or just impacted the side of Joey's minigun. Eddy's position had also been compromised as Jacoren pitched another Molotov to Eddy's location. Eddy sprinted over to the right side of the cemetery and hid behind a similar wall. The knife wielding raider spotted Eddy and sprinted across the graveyard to his position. He slid behind the wall and pulled out his knife. Meanwhile Joey finished reloading his minigun and revved up the barrels. The knife wielding raider decided that it was time to strike. In one swift move, he hurdled over the wall and landed centimeters way from Eddy. The sudden appearance of the raider startled Eddy, who fell over on his back due to the commotion. The raider raised the knife over his head and clenched it with both hands. Another awful sensation of Déjà vu hit Eddy.

Luckily, Eddy managed to once again cheat death. The buzzing sound of Joey's minigun filled the air; the raider soon felt a sharp sense of pain in his torso. He looked down and realized that his entire chest had been gutted out and a gaping hole occupied the former space. His eyes rolled back and his body fell forwards, bleeding out into the mix of dirt and dry blades of grass on the ground. Joey had killed his own team mate.

Joey shouted, "STAY BACK! He's mine for the kill!"

He fired upon Eddy's cover once more. Jacoren played it safe and hid inside the mausoleum, fearing he'd be the next victim of Joey's team killing. Once more, Joey's trigger happy personality caused his gun to run out of ammo quicker than normal. He reached back into his coffin for another belt of ammo. Eddy decided to advance up the battlefield. He peeked over the wall and spotted another short wall just a few yards way from Joey. Eddy assumed that this new position would get him within a better firing range of Joey. Acting quickly, Eddy leaped over the wall and dashed over to the new cover, carefully avoiding the many tombstones that dotted the plot. As Eddy took cover behind the new wall, preparing to fire another clip at Joey, Jacoren burst out from his mausoleum and charged at Eddy. This time Eddy managed to strike back. As Jacoren came within striking distance Eddy kicked him in the torso with both legs, sending him backwards. Eddy hopped up, rushed towards Jacoren, and started to strangle him with his bare hands. Jacoren dropped his Molotov box, the bottles rolled out all over the ground.

"You're standing on top your own grave!" taunted Eddy at Jacoren.

Jacoren was about to pry Eddy's hands off from his neck until the two of them heard the sound of Joey's minigun. They both turned their heads and saw Joey smugly grinning as the minigun barrels rotated. Joey was willing to kill one of his own men as long as it got him one step closer to victory. In the blink of an eye, Eddy released his grip form Jacoren's neck and dropped to the ground. Jacoren looked down at Eddy then at the minigun. Before his brain could even process what was about to happen everything from his neck up had been shred into ground beef by the swarm of bullets fired at a speed of 10,000 rounds a minute from the minigun's multiple barrels. His decapitated corpse plummeted to the ground; another unfortunate victim of Joey's trigger happy intuitive.

Eddy spotted a Molotov lying a few inches away from his arm. The time had come to end this battle once and for all.

Joey cackled right after the fresh kill. He taunted Jacoren's lifeless body, "What can I say? Dust to dust and ashes to ashes!"

"You're about to eat your own words!" replied Eddy.

Eddy jumped up from his position and, using every bit of strength in his arm, heaved the flaming cocktail directly Joey's direction. Unfortunately, Eddy's throwing skills were sub par and the Molotov missed Joey's head by three feet. The Molotov did, however, manage to land inside the front door of the ossuary. Thanks to the numerous torches placed around the interior, the fire ignited by the Molotov soon spread throughout Joey's treasure room. Anything on the inside quickly turned into kindling.

Joey turned around and witnessed the blazing inferno that consumed all of his most prized possessions. Everything he had gained after countless hours of raiding now burned to a crisp inside the ossuary. The great black smoke emitted from the blaze filled the afternoon sky. Outside the front doors of the funeral home the other law bringers were busy ensuring the safety of the captives when Jay spotted the smoke rising in the distance.

"Hey, what the heck is going on back there?" he announced to the group.

"Eddy might be in trouble. We must regroup with him at once!" replied Daniel.

The rest of the posse complied and headed back through the doors of the building.

Back in the cemetery, Joey spiraled into a mental breakdown. He fell to his knees and started screaming at the flaming ossuary while pulling on his hair.

"WHY! Why, why, why, why, why, why, why, WHHHHYYYY!" he screamed.

He smacked himself in the head, tuned around, and faced Eddy, who bravely stood out in the open.

"It was YOU!" he hollered. "You shall pay for your delinquency!"

He gripped the handles of his minigun, with enough force to piece the neck of a live human, and pressed down upon the two firing buttons while a furious rage of malice flowed through his system. As the barrels rotated the traditional buzz saw sound was replaced by a "click, click, click" sound. Joey looked at the side of his gun and realized it was out of ammo. Eddy smirked as Joey bent down and reached into his coffin for another clip only to find that it was completely empty. Joey did a double take; he frantically shifted his hand around the empty coffin hoping to stumble upon an invisible ammo belt. Eddy whistled to catch Joey's attention. Joey looked up and Eddy pulled out a belt of ammo from behind his back, dangling it around in the air while a mischievous smile grew upon his face; he had swiped the last ammo belt from the coffin while Joey was screaming his brains out at the fire.

Joey stood in a moment of disbelief. A tantrum suddenly hit Joey. He violently shoved the minigun to the side, knocking it off its tripod support. He stepped in front of his coffin and pointed a bony finger of accusation at Eddy.

"NOW YOU LISTEN TO ME!" he boasted. "I will hang you from the tallest tree by your own entrails! I will gouge out your eyes with a fork and force you to eat them! I will hack off your limbs one by one with a rusty saw and then throw you upon a bed of nails while vultures fight for your intestines! You do not tantalize Joseph Black! I shall damn your soul forever to the farthest regions of the underworld! DO YOU HEAR ME! I _AM _THE ULTIMATE OMEGA!"

"Oh, _shut_ up!" replied Eddy.

He rose up his 10mm pistol and fired a single bullet. The bullet traveled through the air for a fraction of a second before penetrating through the flesh and tissue of Joey's chest. Joey gasped for air. His right hand involuntarily moved up to cover his open wound. He looked down at his chest, blood dripped out, soaking his hand while staining his suit and undershirt in the process. All his major body systems started to shut down. He tried to inhale his last breath of air but to no avail. Finally, the pitch black eyes of Joey Black rolled back into his skull and his cold, lifeless body plummeted backwards into his own coffin. The beauty of irony.

Eddy's body stood in suspended animation; an aura of disbelief surrounded him. This was the first living being Eddy had ever killed in his adventure, nay, in his entire life. A trail of smoke poured out from the muzzle of his handgun, interweaving with the air around it. After coming back to his senses, he holstered the gun and walked over to the coffin. Eddy observed the body. A pool of blood started to form in the bottom of the coffin. He continued to observe the body while contemplating the symbolical aspects of the kill. Eddy had single handedly taken out the deadliest raider in the wasteland, putting an end to the rein of terror Joey held over the people of this region.

Eddy smirked at the body. He kicked the lid back onto the coffin and slammed his foot down onto the top, sealing the deceased raider into his wooden tomb.

The rest of the posse suddenly arrived on scene. After witnessing the raider corpses, the towering inferno of the ossuary, and Eddy standing alone with a closed casket, the group could not help but gape open mouthed in a moment of disbelief.

"What took you guys so long?" queried Eddy.

"Ah-, eh-, er-, did you do all of _this_ by yourself!" stuttered Daniel.

"Yeah, kinda." Replied Eddy.

"Where's Joey?" asked Lucas.

Eddy slyly replied "In here" and pointed down at the coffin beneath his foot.

"Did you seriously take him out?" pestered Jay.

"Yeah. As a matter of fact I did." Replied Eddy.

"Bull!" Hindered Cody. "Explain how you managed to perform this feat."

Eddy reiterated the entire battle. He spoke of how he was surrounded by three raiders; how he managed to fend off each and every one of them while narrowly avoiding death. He spoke of Joey's team killing and how he set the ossuary ablaze. Finally, he spoke of the final blow he struck against Joey.

"And POW!" he hollered. "Joey fell right back into his own coffin! That's like, ironical, don't you think?"

"Indeed." Replied Jean.

"So it's finished. The people of this region will no longer have to cower in fear from the likes of Joey again." Spoke Daniel.

"Are you sure about that? Did you kill all of Joey's gang mates?" questioned Eddy.

"We managed to kill at least three of them when we searched the second floor of the building. And what about you?" replied Daniel.

"My group managed to kill a crazy German guy, Joey killed two of his own men, and I managed to kill Joey. But has your group come across some dude wearing a robe by any chance?" replied Eddy.

"No." replied Jay. "Why?"

"Remember that guy, Spearhead, back at the police station. Kyle thinks that he was a spy and was responsible for the ambush on our group today."

Cody sighed. "Kyle… If I ever come across Spearhead out in the wastes he'll be begging to be killed once I'm through with him!"

"In time, Cody. In time." Replied Lucas.

"No use staying here any longer." Spoke Daniel. "Eddy! Lucas! Drag Joey's coffin out to the front. The rest of you help me pick out a plot to bury Kyle in."

* * *

The group complied. Eddy and Lucas grabbed the sides of Joey's coffin and dragged it through the tunnel out to the front of the funeral home. Jay, Jean, Cody, and Daniel then began to dig a hole in a dirt patch on the side of the building to act as a final resting place for Kyle. Half an hour later, Jean and Lucas carried Kyle's charred corpse over to the hole and lowered it into place. The group began to fill the plot back up with dirt. After delivering a eulogy and after reflecting during a minute of silence, Daniel grabbed two sticks, tied them together into the shape of a cross with some long strands of grass, and placed the cross above Kyle's grave.

The posse had lost one of the founding members of the Hub police force; his death most unfortunate.

After the funeral, the group reentered the building to loot any supplies they could find. Eddy stumbled into the storage room but most of the supplies had already been taken and used up by the raiders. He did, however, stumble upon a box of ammo for his hunting rifle. An extremely lucky circumstance considering that his rifle had almost been depleted of ammo.

Eddy walked out of the room, searching for another place to loot when suddenly he remembered the machine gun The Baron used during the ambush. Eager to own his first machine gun, Eddy quickly jogged to the stairway of the foyer. Before Eddy could set one foot upon the stairs, he saw Jean walking down the steps wielding the M60.

Jean recognized Eddy's face of disappointment and responded, "Sorry, kid. First come, first serve.

After his plan to own the M60 failed Eddy remembered that Joey Black also owned a machine gun. Without further hesitation Eddy sprinted through the tunnel and back out into the cemetery. He spotted Joey's "Undertaker" minigun; the poor thing lying on its side in the dirt. Eddy pulled the gun back up and retracted its tripod support. His eyes widened with joy as he admired the fancy piece of firepower held in his hands. He spotted the belt of custom ammo for the gun a few feet away. He picked it up and observed it. Each one of the full metal jacketed cartridges had a red stripe around the diameter of the bullet. Eddy tossed the ammo belt into his backpack and lugged the minigun back out front.

The group stood out in the parking lot, packing up the loot they found and preparing to leave the hideout. Eddy walked up to them; the noise emitted from the scraping of the minigun against the ground alerted them to his presence.

"Dang!" shouted Jay. "That's a mighty fine gun you got there!"

"Ha, jealous?" replied Eddy.

Eddy then noticed that the group of captives he rescued from the tunnel had disappeared.

"Hey, where'd the group of captives we rescued go off to?" he asked.

"They've gone ahead of us back to The Hub. It's about time we did the same." Replied Cody.

The sun lowered itself closer and closer to the horizon. The day was almost over. The posse all made their final preparations. Eddy checked his weapons. His pistol holstered, his rifle secured through the straps of his backpack, and his new minigun held tightly in his hands. Jean and Lucas grabbed the sides of Joey's coffin and the posse walked out into the wasteland, back home to Hubcap Flats, leaving the Sullen Souls Funeral Home forever.

The group followed the derelict freeway back to The Hub. Night soon fell and the group decided that it would be safer to set up camp for the night. They spotted a collapsed section of the freeway and decided that this was a good enough location to rest for the night. After starting a small campfire by rubbing two sticks together and after setting down all their supplies, the group finally earned a much needed rest after all the events that unfolded during the day.

Eddy relaxed against a rock, reflecting on Day Three of his journey. Using the help of his friends, he managed to infiltrate Joey Black's headquarters and exact revenge against him for his crimes against humanity. They lost a great comrade but it was a small price to pay to rid the world of Joey's treachery.

The posse of law bringers soon fell fast asleep under the light of the moon. Unbeknownst to the rest of the sleeping souls, Eddy had awoken during the middle of the night. He crept past the group members until he reached Joey Black's coffin. Eddy turned his head and saw that the other posse members were still in a somnambulant slumber. He silently chuckled to himself and reached down to the bottom of the coffin, grabbing it with all his might. He tugged at it a few times and realized that it actually was heavier than it looked. After getting used to the weight, he managed to drag it along the ground a few feet away from the group. As Eddy started making his way back up north, he took a final look back at the campsite. His minigun stood upright against a rock. Not wanting to let go of his first big gun ever, Eddy quietly walked back to camp and grabbed his minigun. He walked back to the coffin and placed the weapon atop the lid. Eddy inhaled a large amount of air and grabbed the coffin once more. The minigun added more weight to Eddy's load.

Throughout the rest of the night Eddy traveled alone across the wastes back to the settlement of Hubcap Flats. He left behind the posse, for he had his own plans on what to do with the reward money of Joey Black…

* * *

**Author's Note: **Stay tuned to find out what happens next! Read, review, and subscribe please. Remember to include what you liked about the chapter in your review. The better the reviews, the faster the next chapter comes. –Jspy.


	9. Chapter 9: Devious Endeavors

**Author's Note:** Sorry for the brief hiatus. Fallout: New Vegas just came out. That's all you need to know. Oh, I forgot to mention this, but Desolation Ed is now one year old. It was first uploaded on October 18, 2009. Also, DE's first anniversary was one day before Fallout: New Vegas came out. Awesome.

* * *

**Chapter 9: Devious Endeavors**

Daylight broke out. Eddy arrived on scene at the front gate to The Hub and managed to persuade the guard to let him in no-questions-asked. He dragged the coffin of Joey Black along the dirt and cracked pavement of the town. Upon arriving at the Super 6 Motel Eddy dragged the coffin into a narrow alley behind the motel and stashed it between an old pair of dumpsters, cloaking it with chunks of discarded wood scattered about the alley. Eddy also set his minigun behind the dumpsters and covered it up with a modest pile of wood, hoping it would be hidden from any scavengers snooping around the back alley for loot.

After stashing the body and his new weapon, Eddy exited the alley and began to start the necessary tasks he needed to complete before leaving town. First thing's first; breakfast. Eddy reached into his backpack and pulled out a "Pep-Bar 3000". Surprisingly, the pep-bars managed to keep Eddy full for at least half the day. It's as if they had some sort of special ingredient added to the bars. Breakfast was abruptly ended after Eddy felt an all too familiar movement deep within his bowls. He was in urgent need of a restroom. Fortunately (or unfortunately depending on your opinion of outhouses) there was a small outhouse on the side of the motel. Eddy spotted it and opened the door. Suddenly, a smell worse than Ed's post apocalyptic bedroom hit Eddy square in the face. Sanitation laws in the wasteland were non existent. After an uncomfortable moment inside the outhouse, Eddy finished his business and proceeded on to his next task.

He walked up the stairs of the motel, deciding to pay a visit to Rosie and Sydney. He walked along the second floor of the motel and stopped at room number 13, the room he previous stayed at. Eddy turned the handle of the door only to find that it was locked. He knocked a few times on the door then waited. After hearing no reply, Eddy frantically knocked a few more times and waited for another thirty seconds. Finally, he decided that Rosie and Sydney must have already checked out and that they were probably down on Main Street selling their goods.

Eddy scurried on over to Main Street. He walked quickly past the crowds while checking the position of the sun in the sky every now and then. An anxious mood had been cast over Eddy; for he feared that the posse he left behind would storm into town at any minute, demanding their share of the reward money. By checking the position of the sun, Eddy figured how much time he'd have to leave town and how long it would take for the posse to reach the town. Soon enough, Eddy arrived at the ol' vacant lot where some familiar faces where there to greet him.

Sydney stood in disbelief. "My goodness, he's back in one piece." She said to herself.

"Praise the lord! You're alive!" exclaimed a rather surprised Rosie.

"Darn straight." Replied Eddy. "You won't believe the fight we put up!"

"I'll bet. Sit a spout." Said Rosie while making a gesture to the short, three-legged stool next to his stand. "So tell me all about this amazing battle of yer's."

"It's kinda a long story, we can talk about it when we leave town." Replied Eddy. Pressed for time, he constantly feared that the impending wrath of the posse would come upon him at any moment. "Speakin' of which, we're still goin' to Vault 69, right?"

"Shucks, giving you a lift over to that Vault is the least I can do, Master Edward: Slayer of Raiders." Rosie bowed his head, the gleaming morning sun reflected brightly off it. "Well, I managed to make a few hundred caps. I guess now's a good a time as ever to close up shop. It's about time we leave Hubcaps Flats. Just give us a few minutes to get packin' and we'll be out of here before ya know it."

"Ok, cool. That's great." Replied Eddy, relieved that it would only take a few minutes to leave town.

"I gotta go take care of some last minute business. I'll meet ya at the front gate of town when I'm done." said Eddy.

Rosie nodded in agreement and Eddy ran back to the motel. He sneaked back into the alley and unearthed Joey's coffin. He clenched the bottom of the casket and began to drag it down the alley. Eddy planed to only travel through the small alleyways of the city in order to not draw attention to himself (After all, wouldn't you too be suspicious if you saw a teenage boy dragging a coffin across the street?). After slugging through the dank, filthy, alleyways, Eddy managed to circumvent the congestion of Main Street and arrive at the central plaza, home to The Hub Police Station and the Used Car Dealership turned town hall. Eddy covertly hauled the coffin over to the Police Station but his task had just been extended. A sign posted on the front door of the building stated that the sheriff was "At Mayor's Place: Back Whenever".

The sign was but another obstacle that stood in Eddy's way. Without further a due, he hauled the coffin further down the street to the Town Hall. After passing through the front wall made from tires, Eddy was halted by the two men guarding the front doors. Both of the men wore identical combat armor and wielded M16 assault rifles.

"Halt!" spoke one of them. "State your business."

"I'm here to turn in a bounty." Eddy replied.

"Provide evidence of the body and a proof of bounty declaration." ordered the guard.

Eddy remembered that he still had Joey Black's wanted poster. He assumed that this was the proof of bounty declaration the guard asked for. He pulled the poster out from his backpack and handed it to the guard. Eddy then walked over to the casket and pried the lid off from it, displaying the body to the guard. The guard compared the body with the poster and agreed to grant Eddy access to the building.

"Alright. You may enter." He responded while he handed the poster back to Eddy.

"Thanks a bunch." Replied Eddy.

The second guard opened the doors and Eddy entered the building with Joey's corpse in tow.

The interior of the building was elegant compared to everything else Eddy had seen. Tidy floors, tasteful carpets strewn across the rooms, an organized collection of hubcaps mounted to one of the walls, and not a heap of junk was in sight with the exception of an old automobile lying in ruin in one of the corners of the display room, after all, this _was_ a used car dealership. Eddy explored the building a bit, admiring the exceptional quality of the interior.

"This place reminds of where my dad worked." Thought Eddy to himself.

He noticed many similar objects and details about the building.

"Hey, wait a minute!"

Before Eddy could complete his thought he spotted a large pair of double doors with a sign that read "Main Office" next to them. After figuring that this appeared to be the headquarters for the mayor of Hubcap Flats, Eddy marched through the double doors and was greeted by the appearance of a man sitting behind a desk, currently engaged in completing paperwork.

"Wassup?" greeted Eddy.

The man looked up from his paperwork.

"What on Earth are you doing here?" replied the man, confused as to why a teenage boy would have any interest in setting foot in a government establishment.

The man had shaggy black hair and a clean shaven face. He had brown eyes and appeared in his late thirties. He wore a lavish, slightly dirty, white suit and his office was decorated with the finest items in the wasteland. Shiny plated weapons mounted on walls, expensive pre-war apparel suspending by hangers, and even a purified water dispenser were but a few of the extravagant items littered among the man's office. With a collection this impressive the man was some sort of merchant king.

"Why are you just standing around? I am a very busy man. Answer my question." He pestered.

Eddy snapped out of his trance and answered "I'm here to claim the bounty of Joey Black."

"What!" replied the man in disbelief. "You, a mere child, has brought the infamous Joey Black to justice? I don't have time for your pranks. Guards, remove him from the premises!"

"Whoa, hold on!" Eddy retaliated. "I've got proof right here!"

Eddy dragged the casket further into the man's office and popped open the lid. A foul odor emitted into the air as the body began its slow decay. Eddy held up the wanted poster for the man to compare it with the body. After squinting at the poster and staring at the body the man came to a conclusion.

"I'll be a monkey's uncle. You were telling the truth! You even managed to pick out a coffin for Joey. How convenient! I apologize for my previous behavior. I am Jethro Owen, mayor of the settlement of Hubcap Flats."

A pair of guards arrived at the office.

Jethro called off his men. "Sorry men, false alarm." He directed his attention back to Eddy. "Please show me the wanted poster for the bounty again."

Eddy handed over the poster and Jethro examined it.

"Charles!" ordered Jethro to one of the guards. "Head to the safe and bring back one thousand caps."

The guard left to fetch the reward while Jethro handed the poster back to Eddy.

"I'm impressed that someone of your build could defeat a merciless criminal like Joey." Spoke Jethro to Eddy.

"Well I had some help from a posse of police guys. They're… Uh, waiting back at the police station for me to return with the money." Eddy lied, hoping his fib would not arose much suspicion from the mayor.

"I see." Replied Jethro.

The guard had not yet returned and the two shared and awkward minute of silence with each other. Eddy decided to break the ice with a personal question.

"So… How'd you get so rich?" he asked.

"Well about a year after the war I became what we in the business call a "Brahmin Baron", roaming the countryside selling numerous amounts of goods together with a herd of these two headed cow creatures. I then decided to set up the trading city your see before you. After many years I managed to amass a great amount of wealth from control over all the trading that goes on in this town. You see, no merchant leaves town without paying a 20% fee from their profits." Explained Jethro.

A wide smile suddenly grew over Eddy face after imagining all the money he could make with a job like that.

"Now that's what I'm talking about. Maybe I should become a 'Brahmin Baron' or whatever it's called."

"I don't think so." Replied Jethro, trying to prevent any future competition.

Charles the guard then walked into the room carrying a basketball sized burlap sack full of the reward money.

"Here you are, sir." He responded.

Jethro took the money and opened up the bag. He eyeballed the amount of caps within the sack then tossed the bag up and down in between his hands to check the weight. After assuming the correct amount of caps was in the bag he handed the reward money to Eddy.

"Here it is; one thousand caps for the capture of Joey Black. Don't spend it all in one place." Spoke Jethro.

"Thank you, sir." Replied Eddy, grasping the bag. Another wide smile appeared on his face, imagining all the goods he could buy with the reward money.

Eddy opened the rather large sack. He had never seen so many bottle caps in his life. He pulled out his hand and stuck it in the middle of the sack; feeling around in the sea of metal caps. Eddy then cautiously tucked the bag into his backpack. He left the town hall and went back out into Hubcap Flats.

* * *

Eddy stood in a literal intersection of moral decisions. To his right stood the police office, where he still had the opportunity to do the right thing; to wait for the posse to arrive and split the reward money. In front of him stood Main Street, a road not only filled with merchants selling many goods, items, and fancy weapons that Eddy had always yearned to own but also filled with temptation and greed. Finally, to his left stood a business of water merchants whose purpose was to deliver barrels of purified water to the people of the wastes. Spending the reward money here seem more of a morally neutral decision compared to Main Street. Eddy spotted the water merchant building and remembered his vault. Though he still had another five months to find the water chip, which was more than enough time for a simple travel to and from Vault 69, the inner conscious within Eddy told him that his fellow vault dwellers should never have to worry about a rapidly depleting water supply and that they deserved the reassuring feeling of having a backup reserve. But of course the greedy side of Eddy's conscious told him that sending a few barrels of fresh water to the vault would gain him instant popularity and respect. As expected, Eddy listened to his greedy side and decided to pay a visit to the water merchants so they could send a few barrels of water to the vault, not out of kindness but out of a desire for popularity.

As Eddy stepped into the water merchant building; a sudden breeze of refreshment hit him. The air inside the building was much cooler and slightly moister that the outside. A receptionist was preoccupied with the filing of papers at the front desk of the building. After hearing the sound of the door closing shut, the receptionist turned her head and greeted Eddy.

"Welcome to Hubcap Water Merchants Incorporated. How may I help you today?" she greeted.

"Yeah, Hi. I'd like to send a supply of water to my vault." Replied Eddy.

"A vault you say?" questioned the receptionist. She then noticed the resplendent vault jumpsuit Eddy wore. "Not a problem. If you'll will just walk down the hall to your left and go through the last door on the right you can speak to someone who can arrange a delivery for you." She replied.

"Thanks." He said before walking down the hall to his destination.

He opened the last door on the right and walked into the office of the region's top water merchant. A balding man sat behind a desk, crates of purified bottles of water staked to the ceiling piled up behind him.

The man looked up and greeted Eddy. "Hello there, how can I help you?"

Eddy responded. "I need a big shipment of water delivered to my vault. Oh and it's gotta be within a month."

The man's eyes widened. "A vault? You're actually one of the lucky few get a spot in the vault?"

"Yeah." Replied Eddy.

"Hmm. Interesting." Replied the man. He then switched his voice to a more sly tone, hoping to sound more charismatic and convincing. "No matter. Here at Hubcap Water Merchants Incorporated we don't discriminate and are dedicated to providing fresh water to any settlement or place of residence… As long as you've got the caps. Our water is pumped, purified, and delivered from our pumping instillations stationed at Lake Garcia a few miles south from here. You won't find better filtered or tastier water anywhere else in the wasteland, guarantee."

"Lake Garcia, huh?" inquired Eddy. "How do bring the water from all the way down there to here?"

"Hubcap Water Merchants Incorporated owns a fleet of cattle, each equipped with a special harness designed to hold two barrels of water with a storage capacity of up to 200 gallons of water. Just give us the amount of water you crave, the location of where you wish for it to be delivered, pay the accustomed fee and a herd of water toting cattle shall be delivered. Shall we get down to business?"

"Sure thing-" Eddy squinted at the name tag on the man's desk. "Ben."

Eddy took a seat on one of the two chairs in the office while Ben pulled out a clipboard and a pen.

"So how many gallons of water to you wish to be delivered?" he asked.

Eddy thought for a moment. He was trying to think of an amount that was enough to sustain the vault yet wouldn't cost a fortune to purchase.

"One thousand gallons should be enough." Eddy replied.

Ben wrote the amount onto his clipboard. "And the location where you want it to be delivered?"

"To Vault 23, about a couple of miles northwest of here." Eddy replied.

Ben looked up with confusion. "I'm afraid I'm not familiar with that location. Can you provide directions?"

"Yeah sure." Replied Eddy. "Got a pencil and paper?"

Ben flipped over the piece of paper he was writing on and handed Eddy the pen.

Eddy began to draw a crude map of the wasteland along with different settlements marked on it including the cul-de-sac, Junktown, and a pair of mountains. Eddy marked a route though the map which ended near the mountains he drew. Eddy finally marked an "X" between two mountain peaks which designated the location of Vault 23. He handed the map back to Ben. He began studying the map and then replied.

"Alight then." He then began to write down some calculations onto the paper. After a few minutes of this, he replied "The total sum of this delivery will cost you 1250 caps."

"Whoa, whoa, hold on there!" Eddy jumped, outraged at the high price of delivery. "That price is _waaaaay_ too steep for me!"

Ben tried to explain to Eddy. "I'm sorry, but this is a business. If we expect to make a profit this is the amount we must charge. Now pay up."

"No way!" Eddy rebutted.

Ben shrugged and said "Then I guess your little vault won't be receiving any fresh water. Good day."

"Ok wait!" Eddy pleaded. "Look, my vault's water purifier thing broke a few days ago. We've only got enough water to last another week. If we don't find fresh water soon me and the rest of my vault will all die!"

Eddy lied to Ben about the urgency of finding fresh water in order to gain more sympathy from him. "It's filled with nothing but children for crying gout loud! Think about the children!"

Eddy noticed the sympathetic expression of Ben's face. He quietly thought the word "Bingo" in his mind.

"Well, it looks like you've got yourself an emergency situation. I guess I can slash down the price a little. 850 caps is my asking price." Replied Ben.

"Deal!" shouted Eddy.

The two shook hands and while Ben filed the paper work Eddy pulled out his large bag of bottle caps and began counting out 850 caps. After about twenty minutes of counting Eddy had amassed a mountain of caps on Ben's desk. He pushed the pile closer to Ben like a dealer at a roulette table.

"Very good." Said Ben. "Now sign here." He pulled out the form he was filling out and pointed to a signature spot at the bottom. Eddy grabbed the pen and wrote his full name on the paper. Ben took back the paper and observed Eddy's signature. He noticed that the pen had accidentally smudged some ink over Eddy's last name. He accepted the signature none the less.

"Pleasure doing business with you, Eddy." The two once again shook hands. "We'll send out a cattle drive to your vault in a few days."

"Thanks." Said Eddy as he exited the office.

He swaggered down the hall and exited the building toting his sack of caps, deciding on what to spend it on next.

* * *

As he observed his surroundings Eddy noticed that the sun rose high above in the sky. It was almost noon and the posse Eddy left behind surely would have stumbled upon Joey's missing body by now and were perhaps almost three-fourths of the way to Hubcap Flats. Eddy held up his sack of bottle caps and observed the amount left inside. There were only about 150 caps left. Eddy then noticed the police station directly in front of him. It was too late to make the honest decision but it wasn't too late to make a half-hearted decision. Eddy took a deep sigh of hesitation and reluctantly walked down to the police station.

Before he opened the door, Eddy covertly counted out 50 caps and separated them out from the bag. He deposited the 50 caps into his backpack leaving 100 caps left in the burlap sack. He then grabbed some dirt off the ground and started filling the sack until it was three-fourths of the way full, in order to give the illusion that the sack was filled with more caps. Eddy took a deep breath and entered the police station.

The negligent sheriff had returned from his trip to the town hall and was now seated behind his desk, his eyes fixated upon an old newspaper; the wood fibers stained a nasty yellow while the ink in some spots faded away.

Eddy cleared his throat to announce his arrival but the sheriff didn't even bother to set down his paper. Instead he simply said "What is it?" while continuing to read the five year old newsprint.

Eddy lied. "I'm from the posse set to hunt down Joey Black. They sent me up ahead to claim the reward money. Here." He set the bag down onto the sheriff's desk "They'll be here soon to take their share. Keep your eye on it until they get here."

While showing absolutely no interest in Eddy's explanation, the sheriff imprudently replied "_Whaaaatever,_ kid".

With that said, Eddy turned around and exited the building.

"That was easy." Thought Eddy to himself.

Eddy started out with a thousand cap reward but then paid 850 caps for the sake of his vault. He had 150 caps remaining but decided to leave 100 caps behind for the posse, after all, they greatly helped him out during the battle. He was left with 50 caps giving him a total of 394 caps in his inventory.

Eddy's business in Hubcap Flats soon came to an end and it was time to focus back on his original task; recovering the waterchip. Eddy took one last stroll down Main Street, thinking about all the vendors he could have stopped at to make purchases. He planned to revisit The Hub once he managed to earn a few more caps and once he figured the posse had enough time to cool down on their hatred of him. Soon enough Eddy arrived at the Super 6 Motel where Rosie and Sydney stood in line behind all other sorts of merchants waiting to exit The Hub.

Rosie spotted Eddy. "So yer back. Take care of your business alright?"

"Sure did." Replied Eddy "But just wait one more minute. I've got an awesome item that I need help carrying."

Eddy ran to the back of the Super 6 Motel. He searched behind the two dumpsters and sure enough his minigun was still there. He flung the wood scrap off of it and dragged the weapon out to the street. Rosie and Sydney gaped open mouthed at the sight of the majestic weapon.

Rosie's initial reaction was to give out a cowboy holler. "_Sheeeeeeuuuwee!_ How'd ya get yer hands on a fancy weapon like that!"

"This is happens to be Joey Black's signature weapon. He won't be needing it anymore." Eddy proudly replied. He held the minigun up with two hands, proudly displaying it.

"What are ya waitn for? Load it on back of Bess and Tess!"

Eddy dragged it over to the cow and Rosie safely secured it between two crates on top of the bovine.

"Oh man, I can't wait to hear your war story!" exclaimed Rosie in excitement.

"The sooner we get out of here the sooner I'll tell it." Eddy then noticed the verbose exit line. "What's the hold up? What, did one of the pack cows keel over?"

Rosie replied "Naw, the line's always like this. They stall all the exiting merchants at once and take a twenty percent cut of their profits." Rosie silently mumbled "_Greedy Mother Hubbards_".

"So how long will this take?" asked Eddy.

"Oh, they've already came through and collected the caps. I guess they're dealing with some wackos on the other side of the gate. They've been hollering at each other for five minutes now." Replied Rosie.

"Uh oh." Thought Eddy to himself. "Please don't be them, please don't be them, please don't be them."

Soon enough, the gate to the town rolled open and disgruntled group of men stood at the front entrance. It was the posse alright and they were _not_ pleased. Eddy recognized the scowling faces on each of the men; Daniel, Lucas, Cody, Jean, and Jay. Eddy immediately ducked down to the side of Bess and Tess to avoid being spotted by the posse. As the group of scowling men entered The Hub, the convoy of merchants exited the town.

Rosie noticed Eddy crouching behind the cow and questioned his behavior. "Whatcha doing down there?" He then spotted the posse passing by. "Hey, aren't those your little friends passin by?"

Eddy frantically snapped at Rosie "Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up!"

Using the cover from the convoy, Eddy managed to sneak past the posse and out the front gate of town. He last saw the posse heading toward the police station.

With the anxiety of a vengeful group of gunmen hunting him down lifted from his shoulders, Eddy breathed a sigh of relief and once again focused on his main objective.

"So where's this vault of yours, Eddy?" asked Rosie.

Eddy decided that now was the perfect time to utilize his Pip-Boy 3000. He pulled his arm up and flipped to the "World Map" tab. He zoomed out from the current location on his Pip-Boy to view how much of the wasteland was charted on the map. The Pip-Boy had a revolutionary geo-mapping device built into it. Every step Eddy took in the wasteland added a segment of land to the map. The texture of the ground was rendered in monochromatic shades of green and black. While the path Eddy took, from Vault 23 to Hubcap Flats, had been filled in with terrain, a map marker for Vault 69, which consisted of a black vault door on a green square along with the title of the location underneath, was surrounded by a sea of pitch black, as the area had not been geo-mapped yet. Eddy pressed his finger on the map marker for Vault 69 and a menu popped up with the following options:

Edit Location

Set to Compass

Cancel

Eddy selected the "Set to Compass" option. A green arrow pointed in a southern direction on a small electronic compass located on the left side of the Pip-Boy separate from the screen.

"Looks like we're headed that way." Said Eddy as he pointed in a southern direction.

"Let's move it out, then!" shouted Rosie.

He whipped the posterior of his pack cow and the small group separated from the main merchant convoy.

After a break from his main quest, Eddy finally was back on track. His wasteland caravan headed down south to the vault which could possibly contain the key to saving his own and perhaps score him some popularity points as well, after all, it's always been about showing off to the kids… Hasn't it?

* * *

**Author's Note:** Hope you enjoyed the chapter. Sorry for the lack of action but remember: every story needs a non-action-y chapter to set up plot exposition. Out. -Jspy


	10. Chapter 10: Gomorrah's Vault

**Author's Note: **Sorry for the two month hiatus. On the bright side, consider this my Christmas gift to all my loyal readers.

* * *

**Chapter 10: Gomorrah's Vault **

Eddy's caravan traveled for an immense distance across the barren flats of the Peach Creek wasteland. The group had already traveled a lengthy distance away from The Hub and even the Sullen Souls Funeral Home and now seemed to have gotten lost. Miles of infertile desert surrounded the group in all directions; the occasional burnt shrub made an appearance every so often. Despite no visible landmarks and having nothing but a vague sense of direction, Eddy and the group continued to push farther down south in search of the elusive Vault 69. Hours have passed since the group left The Hub and the sun had already started its slow decent from the sky and began its assimilation into the bleak horizon.

Finally, a change in the geographical landscape had arrived. The group reached a rocky outcrop of nearby hills.

Rosie was concerned. "These upcoming hills might slow us down a bit. Cattle weren't built for scaling rocky terrain ya know."

"Don't worry." Assured Eddy. "We should be getting closer."

He checked his Pip-Boy's world map once more. There was no distance scale on the Pip-Boy's map screen which made it hard for Eddy to determine how much farther Vault 69 was from his current location. He tried zooming in and out on the map to see if he could figure out the distance but no avail.

Finally, he said "It shouldn't be too much farther away. My friend, Double-D, told me that Vault's are usually built in mountain-y places. It's supposed to add extra protection to the vault or something like that, I don't know. I honestly couldn't give a care. Anyways, since we're about to go into a mountain-y place I'm guessing Vault 69 should be close by."

"Makes sense." Replied Rosie.

He looked up at the ever so darkening sky and became anxious.

"It's gettin' kinda dark. We should set up camp for the night. We wouldn't want to be ambushed by raiders in the middle of the night, now would we?"

"Eh, you're probably right." Replied Eddy.

The group set up camp, on a small patch of flat land just beside the rocky outcrop. Sydney helped set up three, shoddy, makeshift tents while Rosie worked on starting a campfire. While furiously rubbing a dry stick into a piece of wood on the ground, numerous high pitched shrieks broke Rosie's concentration and simultaneously made Eddy sport a brown pair of underwear.

"Whoa! Geez, what the _heck_ was that!" shrilled Eddy.

Sydney recognized the noise. "Sounds like pack of coyotes."

Eddy scoffed. "I hate coyotes. They're so annoying!"

Rosie stood up in glee. "Sheeuuwee! Looks like we're eating dinner tonight! Sydney dear, take my spot and get a fire goin'. Eddy, bring yer rifle and follow me."

Eddy looked up in shock. "Whoa, whoa, whoa. We're gonna shoot and eat _coyote_?"

"Of course! Coyote meat is filled with all sorts of essential vitamins and minerals!" Rosie exclaimed.

"Let's not forget rabies and E. Coli." Mumbled Sydney to herself in the background as she irritably tried to get a fire started.

Eddy tagged along with Rosie deeper into the rocky outcrop. They walked into the direction where the shrieks of the coyote emitted.

"Keep your eyes peeled." Said Rosie. "Coyotes are sneaky little bastards."

Eddy clenched tighter to his rifle, ready to pull the trigger at a moments notice.

Suddenly, a few stones fell from the top of a hill of rocks. Rosie and Eddy looked up and spotted a pair of wasteland coyotes. The effect of nuclear war had taken its toll upon the species. Normally coyotes would steer clear of any creature bigger than them but the harshness of this new wasteland lifestyle made them more aggressive. Desperate for food, the coyotes charged at Rosie and Eddy.

"You are weapons free, my boy!" shouted Rosie.

Eddy drew his rifle and squeezed the trigger. The bullet hit the neck of one of the coyotes. Its lifeless body rolled down the hill.

"Gottcha!" shouted Eddy.

"Nice one!" praised Rosie.

He pulled out his revolver, aimed it at the remaining coyote, and fired. The bullet entered the coyote's skull, killing it instantly.

"Quick and painless." Said Rosie after seeing the body drop.

He pulled out a knife and walked over to the bodies. Rosie then began the process of field dressing the coyotes. Rosie even showed Eddy how to properly skin and retrieve the meat from the bodies so that he would know how to use this skill if he ever ended up in a situation where he needed to hunt for food. Despite this, the idea of skinning an animal disgusted Eddy.

After about twenty minutes, Eddy and Rosie returned with a few pounds of coyote meat and cooked it in the campfire Sydney managed to start. They cooked the meat and dined on the fine delicacy of wasteland coyote meat for dinner. Rosie gave a spare bottle of purified water to Eddy to help wash down his meal. After dinner, Eddy finally got the chance to tell Rosie and Sydney the story of the raid on Joey Black's gang. He told about the perils of the battle and the bravery of his posse members. He told how he rescued some captive victims and of the unfortunate death of Kyle. Finally, he told of how he single-handedly brought down Joey Black. Rosie and Sydney listened to every word of his story with interest.

After Eddy finished his story, he asked Rosie about his own past.

"So what's your story, Rosie?" asked Eddy.

"Aw, come on. You sure you wanna hear that long ol' tale?" questioned Rosie.

"We got an entire night to kill." Replied Eddy.

"I guess I can give ya an abridged version." Said Rosie. He then began to talk about his past.

"I grew up on a ranch near the town of Lemon Brook, a few miles down south of here. I helped my family raise cattle. It's a job that's been passed down from generation to generation. I learned how to raise cattle from my daddy who learned it from his daddy, who learned it from his daddy, who in turn stole cattle from his neighbors. My great-grandpa was a pretty crooked man. I guess the only good thing I inherited from him was this gun."

Rosie pointed to the LeMat revolver in his holster.

"When news of the upcoming war came around my family tried to get into one of them fancy-schmansy vaults. Turns out we didn't have enough money to get a spot reserved so we resorted to building our own shelter out in the backyard. When we heard the air raid sirens blaring we all piled into to small little shelter. We survived, for the most part, but I still feel as though the shelter wasn't as secure as I thought. About a week after my family and I emerged from the shelter I started to notice some weird bumps growin' over my left eye. Folks said parts of my skin turned a rosy red color, hence my nickname. I'd rather not talk about what happened to my eye. People began teasing me about my mutation so I decided it was best to mask it by wearin' this here welding mask."

Rosie pointed to his mask.

"A year later I got a job with the Crimson Caravan Company. They pay an alright salary, as me and Sydney say: If it puts food on the table, we ain't complaining.

Rosie took a sip from a whiskey bottle.

"That's pretty much it but I just gotta admit, I've met some interesting characters along my travels; I've met a ghoulish fella named Harold, a self proclaimed _Deathclaw Puncher_, whatever that is, named Seth, and I've even met a robotic metal fella named Victor. I could totally relate to his personality. Point is, out of all the exotic people I've met you, an adolescent kid out on his own on a dangerous mission to save his home, definitely take the cake. Hands down, I proclaim you the single most interesting person I will ever meet."

"Thanks, do I get a trophy?" Joked Eddy.

The group noticed a luminescent yellow moon peering out from radioactive clouds of fallout in the sky.

"Look's like it's time to get some shut-eye." Declared Rosie.

"Don't let the coyotes bite." Rebutted Eddy.

"Funny." Sydney sarcastically quipped.

Eddy's day of anxiety and running away from disgruntled posses had come to an end. For tomorrow he would embark on the final stretch of his current quest which, hopefully, wouldn't be as strenuous.

* * *

The group woke up the next day and, after packing up their camp, once again set out in search of Vault 69. They spent the next few hours traversing over the rocky terrain. The caravan soon reached an area where the hills on either side of them began to escalate to a point where they almost resembled mountains. Sensing that they were getting closer, Eddy held up his arm and studied the map on his Pip-Boy. Though he could not tell the exact distance, Vault 69 seemed to be within the immediate area.

"Alright!" Eddy shouted. "Vault 69 should be around this area. Look out for a cave or something."

The group dispersed and started combing the area for some sort of entrance area for the vault. After searching the side of a rocky hill, Eddy stubbed his toe on a dense metal object.

"OW! What the heck's this?" he pondered.

A long metal pole had fell flat to the ground. After the stinging sensation in his foot wore off, Eddy pushed away the rocks at the tip of the pole, revealing a sign. His face immediately lit up with glee upon reading the sign. There, set against a bright yellow background, were the words "Fallout Shelter" accompanied by a yellow and black radiation symbol. He stopped focusing on the sign and turned his attention to the gaping mouth of a cavern that somehow appeared before him.

"FOUND IT!" Eddy shouted to the other group members.

Rosie, Sydney, and Bess & Tess walked over to Eddy's position and marveled at the discovery of the elusive vault.

"Would ya look at that! You've found it!" exclaimed Rosie.

"It's about time. I can't believe it took me this long." Replied Eddy.

Rosie's excited mood didn't last long. He became sullen as soon as a sudden realization came to him. Eddy's escort to the vault had been completed therefore Rosie's help would no longer be needed.

"Well, it looks like our little journey has come to an end." Rosie said in a solemn tone.

"What do you mean? Aren't you gonna come with me?" asked Eddy.

"I'd absolutely love to, Eddy, but if I expect to meet my quota then I gotta get back out in the wastes and start selling more of my goods. I'm sure the nice vault people will give you ride back to your home vault" Explained Rosie.

Eddy sighed. "Well, I guess this is goodbye, Rosie."

"Unfortunately it is. You go in and do what ya need to do. I wish you the best of luck and hope you get your vault problem fixed." Said Rosie.

"Thanks." Replied Eddy. "Oh wait, hold on a sec!"

Surprisingly, Eddy almost forgot about his minigun! Rosie helped take down the hefty firepower from the back of his pack cow. After the deed was done, Eddy said his final goodbye.

"Take care, Rosie. You too Sydney." Said Eddy.

"Goodbye, Eddy." Replied Sydney.

"If ya ever come back out to the wasteland once your vault problem's fixed, stop by and visit me some time in Junktown." Said Rosie.

"You can count on it." Replied Eddy.

The two bid farewell and walked back through the rocky pass. Eddy waved goodbye until their bodies disappeared into the horizon. Without further a due, Eddy turned and focused his attention back on the cavern. It was time to complete his quest. After securing his rifle onto his back, he gripped the minigun with all his might and carried it deep into the cavern. As Eddy explored the interior he noticed it was similar to the one found at the entrance of Vault 23 with the exception of not having a rickety wooden door covering the hole to the cave and the absence of skeletons lying around on the floor. Eddy walked deeper until he came face to face with the thirteen ton, cog shaped door to the vault; a faded yellow number 69, painted in the center of the door identified this vault as Vault 69.

Eddy turned to his left and spotted a yellow control panel. He tried looking for a switch or a button that could possibly open the door but to no avail. He noticed a speaker on the panel and a button that allowed him to speak through it.

"Hello? Is anyone there?" he asked.

No reply.

"Hey! Can someone pick up?" Eddy asked again.

No reply.

Eddy thought of a new tactic. "Yo, open the freakin' door! I'm dying out here! Let me in! There's like a big, freakin, bear-thing murdering me to pieces! OH SNAP! HEEEEELP ME! GAAAUUUGH!" Eddy made some gargling noises to simulate the sound of his death.

"ALRIGHT ALREADY!" shouted an angry voice from the console. "I've got such a freakin' hangover! What do you want with me!" The voice belonged to that of the male gender and sounded _very_ irritated.

Eddy jumped up from his fake death pose and spoke into the two-way speaker. "Uh, sorry about that. I was trying to get your attention."

"You've got it now what do you want!" demanded the man.

"I traveled across the wasteland in search of this vault. I heard that there was a replacement water chip here. I need to get one so that I can save my vault." Replied Eddy.

The man inside the vault paused for a moment. "A water-what-now?" The man paused again and started grumbling. Eddy could faintly hear the man mutter "stupid migraine" on the other side.

The man came back to the speaker. "Whatever, just get inside and don't let the door hit you on the ass on the way in."

Two yellow lights on the outside of the vault flashed as a warning siren blared from the interior. Eddy could hear the hydraulic _hissing_ of the door opening mechanism on the inside the vault. The sound of a loud _thud_ pierced through the four foot thick steel door. Eddy's heart vigorously pounded against the sides of his chest cavity, as the intensity of the moment got to him. He was about to enter the vault he had been in search of that could possibly contain the solution to his problems. The mechanism locked itself in place and pulled the door back; the horrendous sound of the door scrapping against the rusted steel sides of the entrance filled the air along with a few sparks from the intense friction between the two objects. Finally, the arm emitted a sound of decompression and released built-up pressure from a valve located on its side. The mechanical arm gently rolled the thirteen ton door aside. Eddy rose his right foot and took one step forward; stepping inside the sanctity and seclusion of the infamous Vault 69.

As he entered, a PA box located in front of him next to a hallway entrance door cackled to life as the mysterious Vault 69 resident returned.

"You're in? Good. Step through that door and follow the hallway down to an intersection. Then just walk in the direction of where the _lower floor_ sign points you to." Commanded the man.

Eddy complied. Before entering the rest of the vault, he set down his minigun in the corner of the room; he didn't want to be toting that kind of firepower inside the vault. The hallway door slid upwards and Eddy took a stroll down a brightly lit corridor. He then reached a two way intersection; multiple signs were posted on the wall in front of him. Most, if not all, of the signs to his right promised to guide him in the direction of exotic locations such as the _Cocktail Bar_, _Cigar Tobaccoria_, _Vigor Lounge_ and _Upper Atrium_. The signs pointing to the left promised the same only with a new set of peculiar locations such as the _Lower Dance Floor_, _Prurient Parlor_, and the _Debauchery Den. _After reading the signsEddy thought that the services Vault 69 had to offer were unorthodox for a normal vault.

"What kind of vault is this?" he questioned to himself.

Following the order of the man from the PA system, Eddy turned to his left and took a flight of stairs down to the _Lower Dance Floor_.

With the exception of the bizarre signs, the parts of Vault 69 Eddy had seen so far resembled his own vault in many ways. The hallways and corridors were well maintained and brightly lit, though the overall atmosphere of the vault was cold, desolate, and emotionless.

Boy, was that about to change…

* * *

As Eddy reached the bottom of the stairs he reached a wide steel door which led to the _Lower Dance Floor._ Eddy thought he could hear the deep sound of a bass from behind the wall. The vibrations pounded into his chest. Justas he was about to enter, Eddy's eye caught a glimpse of a colossal poster looming above the entrance. An attractive supermodel dressed in a skintight vault jumpsuit settled in a seductive pose. Beside her stood the million-dollar question:

"Where do _you_ want to spend the apocalypse?"

The obvious answer was printed in the bottom right corner. "Vault 69"

A cheesy smile grew upon Eddy's "Oh, here we go, baby!"

"Just step through the door already, ya perv!" Shouted the man from a nearby PA box.

Unbeknownst to Eddy, the man had been using a network of Vault-Tec brand _Eye-On-You_ security cameras to watch Eddy's every move within the first half of the vault.

The steel door slowly slid upwards; the anticipation was killing Eddy. As the door raised itself all the way to the top, bright flashing lights blinded Eddy. Though he had been temporarily blinded, Eddy swore he could hear the sound of house music playing in the background. When his eyes finally adjusted to the lights he was met with, possibly the most spectacular sight he had witnesses in years. There, with a disco ball suspended from the ceiling, a dance floor lit up like a Christmas tree, club music blasting out from garage door sized speakers, and enough strobe lights to give a blind man a seizure, about a thousand attractive women shook their groove thing on the dance floor.

Eddy gaped open mouthed at the marvelous sight. With a look on his face similar to if he won the lottery, Eddy was so full of joy that the pitch of his voiced had escalated by five octaves.

"This must be what heaven is like." He managed to squeak out.

"Welcome!" the man boasted over the PA. "Welcome to the party!"

Awestruck, Eddy gawkily paced across the atrium in the general direction of the voice; as his eyes were busy ogling the many fine women scatter about the dance floor.

A door opened on the opposite side of the room and a Caucasian man of medium build stumbled out; his right hand clenched his head while the left clenched a bottle of premium vodka. He searched around the room for the person he was communicating with all this time but was surprised when he discovered that he had been talking with a teenage boy all this time.

"Hm, what!" the man spurted out. "You're a kid!"

"Sure am." Replied Eddy.

The man still could believe it. "Are you kidding me?" he shouted. "So you actually managed to travel the wasteland and discover the location of my vault by yourself?"

"Well, I had _some_ help." Eddy replied, not neglecting to mention the help of Rosie and his caravan.

Then man clenched his forehead, the amplified party music did nothing to help his growing migraine.

"What in the world made you travel all the way to my vault?" he asked.

"My vault's water purifier broke. The overseer said there'd be a spare water chip here." Eddy replied.

The man's migraine grew worse. "Ugh, let's talk in a quieter place. I've got such a freakin' hangover."

Eddy followed the man through a door and up a flight of stairs. They entered through a room that contained a cocktail lounge and took a seat in a corner booth. Eddy studied the room. The lounge served a similar role as the cafetorium back in Vault 23. The main difference being is that while Vault 23's cafetorium had only a red and white checkered floor as the only source of decoration, bright yellow and blue neon lights were strewn across the ceiling and lit up the cocktail lounge, giving a high-end-night-club feel to the room. Vault 69's cocktail lounge also provided a magnificent view of the dance floor below while the, almost, sound proof walls reduced the loudest of party music to a mumbled bass beat. It just wouldn't be a cocktail lounge if there wasn't a bar, luckily there just so happened to be one positioned in the middle of the back wall. Lastly, to remind all who entered that they were still part of a vault, an image of Vault-Tec's mascot, Vault Boy, was displayed proudly upon the wall and tastefully decorated with neon lights; his right hand rose up a cocktail glass.

After Eddy and the man settled into their seats, the man gave an exhale of relief.

"Much better." he said. The man spotted a sour-faced waitress standing idly by the bar. He gestured for the waitress to drop by their table. "Two glasses of the purest water in all the vault" he commanded at her.

She replied "Yes, Overseer" and left to fetch the water.

"_You're_ the overseer?" questioned Eddy. He was surprised that a man as drunk and as lewd as he could ever be assigned the position of Overseer.

"Ah yes, I believe we haven't properly introduced ourselves. I am Ivan Abelev and _this_ is my vault!" He jumped up from his seat and his arms ascended into the air.

"Where the floors are clean, the liquor is cheap, the women are just like the drinks, and where the party is non-stop!"

"Whoa!" Eddy shouted in excitement. "So all you do in the vault is party all the time? That's awesome!"

"Yes, it is the only reason why I have yet to venture into the outside world. I ask you, what man would give up this extravagant lifestyle?" Ivan boasted.

"I know, right!" replied Eddy.

The waitress returned and set down a tray containing two enormous glasses of ice cold water, so pure that the liquid was free of all contaminants and had a glistening crystal clear appearance.

Ivan picked up a glass of the life sustaining liquid. "It's good to be Overseer. I apologize for my sour disposition earlier, darn hangovers, but enough about me. What about you, my boy?"

"The name's Eddy. I'm from Vault 23, a few miles north of here." Eddy explained while Overseer Ivan listened in curiously. "You see, my vault's water purifier thing broke down and they sent me out into the wasteland to find a replacement part to fix it. They said you guys had a spare 'waterchip' that we could use."

Overseer Ivan put his hand to his chin. "Interesting, well I do know that we possess a waterchip but I am not so sure that we have a spare one. I'll have my secretary look into it. Now normally if you were just another savage wastelander I'd throw you out myself but because you happen to be a fellow vault dweller RELAX! Enjoy yourself; you're in Vault 69, my friend, the vault of pleasure and indulgence! We'll call you over the intercom once we've found the part you're looking for but in the mean time help yourself to the many fine services we have to offer!" he raised up his glass for a toast.

Eddy grabbed a glass, "Don't mind if I do!"

He rose up his glass in conjunction with the Overseer's.

"A toast!" the Overseer shouted. "To marvelous Vault 69!"

"Amen!" Eddy smacked his glass against Ivan's and almost immediately downed the eight ounce glass. After finishing off the entire glass of water, Eddy decided to praise the overseer for his gracious hospitality.

"Now _this_ is what I'm talking about! Clean water, tons of women, and non-stop parties! _This is,_ without a doubt,the greatest vault ever invented! My vault was a complete bore-fest, nothing but work, work, work. Being the natural party animal that I am, this is totally my kinda vault! I shoulda applied for a spot in Vault 69!"

"Glad to see your enthusiasm." Replied Ivan. "Now, run along and enjoy yourself!"

"Can do." Replied Eddy as he began making his way towards the exit.

"BUT!" shouted Ivan.

Eddy turned back around and noticed Ivan's cheery mood had dissipated. Ivan scowled as he took another sip from his drinking glass and locked his intimidating eagle eyes onto Eddy.

In a surly voice he managed to growl out "If you even _think_ about, Hell, if the very _thought_ of snooping around places you shouldn't be in enters your brain… Well let's just say I can't be held responsible for my actions."

Ivan set down his glass and cracked his knuckles. His leathery fingers were decked out with multiple extravagant rings. Eddy gulped in fear. He then made a mental note to himself to pack an extra set of underwear when he returns to Vault 23.

All of a sudden Ivan burst into a hysterical fit of laughter. His mighty laugh echoed throughout the room. The waitress in the background focused her attention on the two and unsurprisingly raised an eyebrow.

"I'm just messing with you, boy!" Ivan said after his laughter died down. "But seriously, try not to be tempted with visiting any of our more _lascivious_ lounges. Not everything in Vault 69 is rated "E" for everyone, if you catch my drift." He winked as he said this.

Eddy responded with a nervous chuckle, replied with "You have my word" and promptly exited the lounge.

After a journey full of nonstop peril, gunfights, and the occasional wild animal attack, Eddy finally had been granted a chance to just take a break from his strenuous four day quest. What better way to unwind than to bust a move on the dance floor? Eddy made a beeline to the lower atrium and danced his heart out with the ladies for at least two hours. After noticing the awkward looks the other women flashed him, Eddy decided it was time to take a break from dancing.

* * *

He shuffled his way past the crowds of women and into the hallway where he was confronted by another wave of women. This vault had a serious population control issue; Eddy found it difficult to maneuver through the corridors as there seemed to be no end to the seemingly infinite horde of women. As Eddy slid through the halls in search of the restroom his mind was boggled with questions of why the entrance hallways weren't crowded, or how this vault has enough room to shelter the women, but a more important question entered his mind: _why_ was there this many women in the vault in the first place?

After breaking though the swarm of females, Eddy reached a pair of restroom doors. He entered the "Men's" restroom and noticed that there was only one stall in the entire room. This came to no surprise to Eddy. While relieving himself, he made another mental note: coyote meat takes one heck of a toll on the colon! Once his business had been taken care of, Eddy made the wise decision to fill up his empty water flask using the restroom sinks, and exited the restroom. Once he was back out in the vault's corridors he noticed a blocked off hallway; a metal maintenance barricade was the only thing standing in the way of the entrance. The barricade was rather ineffective as one could simply step over it to pass into the hallway.

Eddy had another split decision to make: either ignore the restricted hallway and return to the atrium while having to face the horde of female vault dwellers along the way, or sneak past the barricade and try to swipe any useful vault items to help with the journey back home. The decision was a no brainier. Eddy couldn't pass up the chance to obtain some free items, especially if it was an alternative to having to wade past a crowd of women. Eddy peeked around the corner of the hallway and checked for security cameras. There were no visible cameras in the hallway. With a mischievous grin on his face, Eddy slipped past the barricade and into the restricted hallway. It seems as though Eddy hadn't taken the overseer's warning too seriously.

The lighting in the hallway wasn't as luminous as the rest of the vault, as only a few dim orange ceiling lights had been installed. Eddy crept his way though the corridors in search of some good loot. He came to a door and tried to enter the room but the control panel on the outside restricted access to those without the proper keycard. After grumbling to himself, he continued down the hallway and came to another door; locked again. The third door was unique, as it displayed a lit up sign above it which read "Archive Room". To Eddy's surprise he found that it has been left unlocked. Eddy chuckled silently to himself in glee and entered the room.

The door closed behind which blocked out the hallway light rendering the room almost pitch black. Eddy turned on his Pip-Boy light and began to scavenge the room for loot. He stumbled upon a set of shelves but found the contained nothing of interest. As Eddy desperately searched the shelves he found that they were mostly filled with either old papers concerning the specifications of the vault's layout, old pre-war history books, or the occasional holotape movie. Eddy picked a few of the holotapes stacked inside a box.

The holotape was a recently invented data storage device that was extensively used by the Vault-Tec Corporation and the vaults. Because of the fact the holotape could store almost eight times the amount of data than an ordinary CD could hold it rendered all other forms of media storage obsolete. The holotape consisted of two small tape reels encased inside a square metal case and was about the size of your typical plastic CD holder. Eddy's eyebrow rose with curiosity when he noticed that these tapes happened to contain movies but was ultimately disappointed when he realized that they were only Vault-Tec training movies. The set of movies Eddy held were entitled "Prepare for the Future!", "Leaving the Vault!", and "Happy Trails!" Eddy carelessly threw the tapes back down into the box.

He searched the other side of the room and found an old computer terminal sitting atop a desk. The terminal was in complete despair and with no chance of it operating again. Eddy rummaged through the drawers of the desk but found nothing but papers and, strangely, four bobby pins. He slammed the drawer shut, frustrated at his fruitless attempt to find loot. As Eddy was walking towards the exit, he tripped over an old projector and plummeted to the ground.

Eddy muttered "Son of a-" before a pile of clipboards from atop one of the shelves toppled over and landed upon the back of his cranium.

Eddy swiped the clipboards off of him and kicked back the projector.

"Useless Junk!" he hollered at it.

Before he left the room, Eddy spotted a strange container underneath were the projector lay. Upon closer inspection he noticed that it was a ground safe.

"Bingo!" Eddy thought to himself. In his mind, anything worth putting in a safe must be valuable and, therefore, worth stealing.

He contemplated how he could crack open the safe until he remembered that there were a few bobby pins back in the desk behind him. Eddy snatched the bobby pins from the drawer and rushed back to the safe. Eddy's knowledge in the skill of lock picking can be attributed to his older brother. Before he moved out, Eddy's older brother taught him the ropes on infiltrating locked objects. Whether it was a door, a locker, or a fancy car, no lock was safe from the likes of Eddy and his brother. Recalling the technique his brother showed him, Eddy snapped a bobby pin in half and plunged the two pieces into the tumbler of the safe. He fiddled with the bobby pins, rotating them in order to force the tumbler into its "unlocked" state. After Eddy managed to rotate the tumbler clockwise enough into its "unlocked" state, he tugged on cold metal handle of the safe and the door gaped open, emitting a gentle _hiss_ as it did so.

"Hah ha!" Eddy laughed. "Show me the money, baby!"

He plunged his hand into the safe and felt that he hit some paper and a plastic card as well.

"What's this? Some moolah _and_ a credit card!" He said.

He pulled up the loot but found that it consisted of more paper documents and a blue keycard. Eddy grumbled at the sight of another bogus loot pile. He observed the pile of papers; they appeared to belong together and were stapled in order to not be separated. Out of curiosity he decided to read the documents, seeing as how they must be of some importance. He read the first paper to himself:

* * *

A Letter to the Overseer from Dr. Stanislaus Braun:

If you are reading this, emergency Vault internment procedures have been initiated and you and your control group have been sealed into your Vault. Congratulations! You are now a vital part of the most ambitious program ever undertaken by Vault-Tec. If you have not yet read your sealed orders, do so now. They will outline the experimental protocols assigned to your control group. Please remember that deviation from these protocols in any way will jeopardize the success of the program, and may be considered grounds for termination by Vault-Tec Corporation (as outlined in your Employment Agreement).Your Vault may or may not have been selected to receive a G.E.C.K. module. Please see Attachment A for details.

-Doctor Stanislaus Braun

Director, Societal Preservation Program  
Vault-Tec Corporation

* * *

The letter boggled Eddy's mind as many thoughts raced through his head:

"Who is this doctor guy?"

"What does he mean by _the program_?"

"What are _experimental protocols?_"

He flipped to the second paper in search of answers.

* * *

ATTACHMENT A

Vault 69 will not receive a G.E.C.K. module, and should operate under the guidelines laid forth in the Overseer's orders (see Attachment B).

* * *

Eddy flipped the paper over but found that the third document had been removed from the staple. Eddy pondered for a minute then picked up the keycard which had also included in the safe. He noticed the word "Clinic" labeled onto it. Eddy tucked the keycard into the pocket of his jumpsuit and departed from the archive room. Eddy continued to walk further down the hall, turned to his left, and arrived at a door. An old sign above the door identified it as the clinic; the door itself had been partially blocked by "Do not cross" tapes. Eddy noticed a card slot to the right of the door. Ignoring the warning tapes, he pulled the blue keycard to from his pocket and inserted it into the slot. The security slot beeped twice and the door slid upwards.

The clinic's lights also were out, and Eddy once again had to rely on his Pip-Boy light. He searched past overturned gurneys, surgery tool trays, and other medical apparatuses for any sort of file cabinet, hoping it might contain papers that could provide clarity to his raging questions. Eddy walked into a small corner office and stumbled upon a locked file cabinet. He easily picked the lock and began to search through the records. At first glance, Eddy noticed that the papers were nothing more than medical records on the various women in the vault but he decided to inspect them further. He picked up a file belonging to K. Kattswelle but found that it mostly contained her medical background. It wasn't until he flipped to the back page when he stumbled upon an interesting note. The note was printed on a half-page long, blue sheet of paper and appeared to be a letter from a doctor in the vault regarding a recent operation Ms. Kattswelle had gone through. Eddy read the note to himself:

* * *

Dear Ms. Kattswelle,

In compliance with Overseer Order 654 and despite your personal wishes, our chief medical staff will proceed with the operation. We assure you that the fetus will be disposed of swiftly and humanely as possible. Any thoughts of temperament can be discarded, as this action will not be in vein. Your forced participation in this operation will benefit the greater good of Vault 69 and will insure the success of the Societal Preservation Program.

-Dr. Katherine Holloway MD

Vault 69 Chief Medical Director

* * *

Eddy set down the paper in disbelief. Was the paper referring to what he was thought it was referring to? He grabbed a few more files from the cabinet and found that every single one of them had that blue note in the back.

"What kind of _sick_ vault is this?" he said.

Eddy pressed his hand to his head, trying to digest all the info he had gathered and fit the pieces of the puzzle together.

The vault consisted of 999 women and only one man. According to the medical records he found, some of the women had gotten pregnant. Overseer Ivan, being the only male inside the vault, is the most likely culprit for impregnating the women. The Overseer then created Order 654 which promptly eliminated any chances of the women giving birth and keeping the population of the vault from increasing in order to comply with the rules of the Societal Preservation Program, as hinted in the medical records. Eddy realized that the Overseer had gone through great risks in order to ensure the success Societal Preservation Program but the question is; why? What was so important about the mysterious Societal Preservation Program. The only man with the answer to this question was Overseer Ivan himself.

"It seems there's more to this vault than I imagined." Said Eddy to himself.

Desperate for answers, Eddy decided to pay another visit to Ivan Abelev.

At that moment, the PA system cackled to life and broadcasted a message.

"Attention Mr. Eddy, please report to the Overseer in the Upper Cocktail Lounge immediately."

"Just the man I was looking for." Whispered Eddy to himself.

He tucked the incriminating papers into his pocket and, before leaving the clinic, stole three stimpacks and a bottle of purified water from a medkit on the counter.

* * *

Eddy returned to the Cocktail Lounge only to find the Overseer completely intoxicated on more than his fare share of alcoholic beverages.

"Oh hai there Eddy mah boy!" slurred the Overseer and he slumped up from his bar stool and put an arm around the sour faced waitress. "I wuz just enjoyin' a few drinks with mah favort girl!"

"I can see that." Eddy replied. He glared at the Oversser. "So what did you call me up here for?"

Overseer Ivan took his arm off the waitress, much to her relief, and sat down at a corner booth seat.

"I'm sawree mah boy, but we couldn't find that water thingy you were lookin' fer." slurred the Overseer.

"The waterchip?" Eddy asked.

"Yeah, that's it!" replied The Overseer.

"Son of a gun." Muttered Eddy under his breath. He had reached the end of the rainbow but found that the leprechaun was one crafty son of a gun. Eddy had traveled all this way only to find that the information on the location of his coveted waterchip was indeed _false_.

"Sorry bout that, kid, but help yerself to some drinks here if ya want!" garbled the Overseer.

"Forget that, I want _you_ answer some questions instead!" ordered Eddy. "What do you know about _this?_"

Eddy snatched the medical records from his pocket and slammed them down onto the table. The Overseer dragged them closer but struggled to read the print.

"What's this?" he inquired.

"Medical files of some ladies in the vault. Tell me, what's up with this _Order 654_?" demanded Eddy.

The overseer brought his head closer and squinted at the print. "What in the world?" he asked to himself. He seemed to have lost the slur in his speech.

With the cunningness of a journalistic investigator, Eddy demanded more questions from the Overseer. "What is the Societal Preservation Program?"

"_Where_ did find these?" sneered the Overseer.

"No!" Eddy snapped. "Answer my questions! TELL ME ABOUT THE PROGRAM!"

"_I_ think you know enough as it is!" The Overseer sobered up from his alcoholic intoxication. He glared an all too familiar menacing look at Eddy. "I will not have you threaten the success of my Vault! GAURDS! Apprehend this delinquent!" he hollered.

Two female guards from outside sprinted into the lounge and grabbed Eddy by his arms. Eddy struggled to release himself from their grasps but he cold only kick his legs while they dragged him out of the lounge.

"This isn't over!" shouted Eddy back at Overseer Ivan.

Ivan's icy cold glare was the last thing Eddy ever saw of the man. Immediately after Eddy's departure, Ivan grabbed the files from the table and ripped them to shreds. He turned around and saw that the waitress was not so subtly hiding behind the counter, trying to pretend she didn't hear a word of the argument.

"I sincerely hope you value life, because if you say one word to the others, you'll find that your lively functions will soon come to a halt!" snapped the Overseer to the waitress.

She silently nodded her head and went back to her work. Though like Eddy said, it wasn't over…

* * *

The two guards had dragged Eddy to the Vault door room and promptly tossed him out. Eddy landed face first into the cave floor and spent the next few seconds coughing up dirt. Meanwhile, one of the guards picked up Eddy's minigun and also threw it out of the vault. The gun made a loud clank as it struck a coarse rock on the ground.

Eddy was alarmed by the rough treatment of his weapon. "My baby!"

He crawled over to his gun and looked over it for any signs of damage. There was a small dent on one of the barrels from where it struck the rock.

Eddy growled and looked back at the guards. "You'll pay for this!".

The guards responded by flipping a switch on the door control panel. The thirteen ton door slid back into place and the mechanical arm sealed Vault 69 in a permanent state of seclusion.

With his supplies running low, the hope of recovering a waterchip from Vault 69 crushed, and with no one to act as a guide through the hostile wasteland, Eddy was officially lost.

Eddy pondered on what his next move should be. He could attempt to return home to Vault 23 empty-handed, facing failure and animosity from his fellow vault dwellers, or he could continue to search southward, hoping to discover another town or possibly a friendly vault where he could restock on food and/or find the waterchip.

Toting his minigun in hand Eddy marched out of the cave and this time, rather than simply traveling to a pre-specified location, wandered aimlessly through the wasteland.

"So much for that little slice of paradise." Were the final words he muttered back to Vault 69.

* * *

**Author's Note: **Hope you enjoyed the chapter, please read and review, and please don't flame me for that… um… controversial topic discussed ¾ of the way into the story.


	11. Chapter 11: Conspiracy

**Author's Note:** It sure has been a while since we last heard from the rest of the Cul-de-Sac kids back in Vault 23 (It's been more than a year in real life, actually). For this chapter, the story will be told from the Cul-de-Sac kids' point of view in order to give us a glimpse of life back in Vault 23 right after Eddy was kicked out of Vault 69 and started wandering aimlessly through the wasteland.

* * *

**Chapter 11: Conspiracy **

An eerie silence filled the library room, while only the occasional whir from the computer terminals broke the laconism. Though the room was modest in size, its pleasant room temperature and lack of noise disruption made the library an ideal place for vault citizens to relax and indulge themselves in knowledge and serenity.

The room stored shelves upon shelves of pre-war books, documents, and holotapes and also housed several computer terminals from which gave users access to the vault's archive network. The archive network's database rivaled that of Wikipedia in terms of amount of information. Unlike the latter, the data stored within Vault 23's archives only consisted of information of the greatest accuracy and the enormous database was monitored, and edited, by only the most trustworthy citizens of the vault. One of the main people in charge of uploading, revising, and editing all information on the massive database was none other than Edd.

Edd typed away at the computer terminal he was stationed at, busy inputting numerous records, files, and calculations into the vault's archive system. It was all part of his job as Librarian's Assistant and was expected of him. The job was, by all means, monotonous, required him to do this for several hours, and would sometimes grind on Edd's nerves, especially with the computer constantly interrupting Edd's upload sessions to ask for his permission for said upload. Occasionally Edd would get a break from his work and would take the opportunity to eat lunch or browse the history database for fun on his spare time but these breaks were too few and far in between.

Edd sighed out of frustration after yet another permission box interrupted his session. "Never in my life have I ever witnessed a_ vista_ this bleak." He said to himself.

Countless days of the same repetitive job began to wear down on Edd's diligence.

As Edd tepidly continued to upload more files, via holotape, into the computer, the monotony of the job caused him to slowly drift into the inner realms of his mind. For a while he wondered if there existed a more boring career than the one he currently had.

"Well, I suppose my career is not as weariful as those of my fellow colleagues." He thought to himself

Edd tried to compare his job to those of the other Cul-de-Sac kids, in terms of overall pleasantness, in hopes to feel better about his own.

"I must say, I'd much rather work in the library than stand outside the overseer's office all day like dear Jonny, and never in my life would I ever lower myself to the status worthy of a garbage burner, like Lee."

Edd then contemplated Ed's job as "Sanitation Specialist". The mere thought of the unsanitary work environment caused Edd's face to recoil in disgust. He then remembered Eddy's previous job as a Pip-Boy mechanic/programmer. He remembered that fateful day in the cafetorium Eddy snapped and proclaimed his hatred of his career and vault life itself. He now realized why Eddy seemed so miserable during his time in the vault. A combination of a lousy job and dull vault-life caused him to desire a more eventful lifestyle.

Edd began feeling the same anxiety Eddy felt. For once, in his entire stay in the vault, he too yearned a life of adventure, or at least a break from the imperfect routine of life in Vault 23.

Edd's contemplations came to an abrupt halt when the computer shot a deep warning tone at him, asking for (or rather demanding) his permission to upload more files.

Edd sneered at the monitor.

"Infernal machine", he muttered under his breath.

* * *

The vault's PA system activated and broadcasted a prerecorded message of Overseer's Elron's voice.

"Attention dayshift workers; your ten minute lunch break has begun!"

Edd pulled out his standard issue Vault-Tec lunchbox from under the desk he was seated at and gently set it down on the desktop.

The lunchbox was made of tin and featured colorful illustrations on both the obverse and reverse sides. The front featured Vault-Tec's mascot, Vault Boy, guiding a crowd of people to a vault shelter while the infamous mushroom clouds of mankind's annihilation formed in the background. The vault's door was partially open with several rays of light emitting from it, as if it were almost heavenly.

The reverse side featured a smiling family enjoying a picnic above a vault shelter while Vault Boy gave a reassuring "thumbs-up" gesture; suggesting that one could let go of all their worries about nuclear devastation and relax, as Vault-Tec was there to help. The bottom of the lunchbox boldly exclaimed the words "Prepare for the Future". Edd enjoyed the overall campy feel of the illustrations but felt as though they were over-exaggerating the divinity of vault life. The illustrations were more propagandic than they were truthful depictions.

Edd ate a lunch consisting of a sandwich and a bottle of purified water. Edd only took a few sips of the water during the span of his break and saved the rest for later.

Shortly after Eddy left the vault, Overseer Elron had declared a state of emergency and, in an attempt to conserve the vault's freshwater supply, set a limit on the amount of water the citizens of the vault could consume on a weekly basis. Water ration slips were handed out to each member of the vault, which could be redeemed for a bottle of purified water. The vault dwellers were only given a limited amount of slips so they had to use them, as well as the water they received, wisely.

Edd spent the remainder of his lunch break playing some of the games the computer came standard with. He especially became accustomed to one that involved the strategic sweeping across a virtual field of landmines.

Just as Edd was about to declare his digital tract of land safe, a harsh prodding of his back followed by the words "_Hey_, Double Dweeb" broke his concentration. Edd's initial reaction was to be surprised, as hardly anyone visited him during the lunch break and the only person in the entire vault who ever referred to him as _Double Dweeb,_ was in fact-

"_Kevin_?" Edd exclaimed in surprise as he turned around.

There, standing behind him was, indeed, Kevin; red hat and shovel chin in all. Why Kevin had used his break, from working as Vault Engineer, to come visit the library remained a mystery to Edd.

"Why on Earth have you come to visit me in the Library?" Edd asked.

"I've got a message for ya." He replied.

There was something off about Kevin, he seemed anxious and his eyes were constantly darting in both directions. It was though as if he feared someone else was watching him.

Kevin opened his mouth to speak but only spoke in short, simple, words. "Me. The kids. Little shindig. Common Room. After work. Be there."

"Why are you speaking in such a hush tone?" Edd questioned.

"Cuz, it's… A library, you know?" Kevin began to grow impatient. "Look, when you're done hanging out in the dorky library get to the Common Room and bring your dorky friend too."

Kevin turned around and promptly walked out the door of the library.

Edd just sat there in silence, trying to make sense of what just happened.

"_Interesting_." He said. "Well, I suppose I'll be at the Common Room after work."

Edd swiveled his chair around and focused back on his game. He clicked a button that checked if he detected all the landmines but, to his surprise, he missed one and the omnipotent "Game Over" screen mocked his failure. Edd once again sneered at the monitor.

* * *

"Attention citizens of Vault 23. The dayshift work hours have concluded. All nightshift personnel, report to your work stations!" The announcement from the PA system concluded the workday.

Edd logged out from the computer and, while totting his lunchbox along, bid farewell to the Vault's librarian.

"Good day, Miss Chase." Said Edd as he walked past Madison Chase.

An intelligent red-head from the town of Lemon Brook, Madison was handpicked by Overseer Elron to be Vault 23's librarian.

She responded with a tepid "Bye".

Thanks to the Peach Creek/Lemon Brook rivalry, she, as well as the other vault dwellers hailing from the town of Lemon Brook, weren't so enthusiastic about sharing vault life with kids from Peach Creek. While some Lemon Brook kids easily adapted to sharing a home with Peach Creek kids, others stubbornly refused to adapt and, in response, looked down upon the Peach Creek kids and viewed them as the lowest level on the hypothetical vault caste system, even lower than maintenance department workers. The same situation can be said for some of the Peach Creek kids.

Madison had succumbed to peer-pressure. Not wanting to be antagonistic towards the Peach Creek kids yet not wanting to be seen as an outcast by her fellow Lemon Brook friends, Madison decided remain neutral on the whole debacle and, as such, treated Peach Creek kids with neither hostility nor compassion.

Edd left the library and walked down the corridor towards the elevator. As he patiently waited for the elevator to arrive, Edd heard the sounds of a door opening up and erratic footsteps closing in on his position. The unique voice that exclaimed the words "Hey, Double D!" easily identified the person as Jonny 2x4.

Jonny had just left his shift as Overseer Office Door Guard. Though technically Jonny was part of the Vault 23 security team the job of Door Guard was not as glamorous as being a full fledged Security Guard. Security Guards were hand picked by the Overseer for their loyalty and strength and were also permitted access to use firearms. Jonny, being a mere door guard, had only been permitted to use a simple police baton to ward off any troublemakers who set foot near the Overseer's Office. Despite his seemingly non-hazardous job, it required Jonny to wear a Kevlar vest over his jumpsuit.

Edd turned and smiled "Hello, Jonny."

"Whereya goin'" Jonny asked.

"Well, I will briefly retire to my abode and then I plan to join the rest of my vault companions in the common room. For what, I don't know." He responded.

"Really?" Jonny asked in excitement. "Me too!"

The elevator doors opened and the two boys stepped inside. Edd pressed a button marked with the number "2", which led to the vault living quarters.

"What's that?" said Jonny, holding his wooden companion up to his ear, "Plank thinks it's a party!"

The doors closed and the elevator descended to the second level of the vault. As the doors opened the two boys stepped out from the elevator and into Upper Atrium. The Atrium was the central hub of Vault 23, as virtually every door that led to many important locations of the vault, such as the Living Quarters, Common Room, Cafetorium, Restrooms, Clinic, and numerous other accommodations, could be accessed through it. The Atrium was divided between the second and third levels of the vault. Located on the second level of the vault, the Upper Atrium consisted of a rectangular walkway with an empty space in the middle that looked down upon the Lower Atrium and allowed access to the Living Quarters and Common Room. The Lower Atrium was part of the third level of the vault and allowed access to the Cafetorium, the Medical Clinic, as well as the Vault Entrance.

The two boys took a left turn and entered the Male Living Quarters.

"See ya soon, Double D!" said Jonny.

"Goodbye Jonny" replied Edd.

Jonny darted down the hallway in pursuit of the Common Room where he assumed a party was being held. Edd, on the other hand, took a few steps forward and arrived at the door of his door of his apartment.

Once Edd stepped into his solemn one-room apartment, he set down his lunchbox in its designated spot, changed into a fresh jumpsuit, and tidied up the room. Because Edd could only bring a handful of items with him into the vault on that fateful day his room was relatively easy to clean. Edd mostly just dusted off his possessions, which included several books of varying topics on his bookshelf and his Mason jar collection.

Edd certainly took Vault-Tec's advice to "Prepare for the Future", as in the days before the war he began collecting several substances of which he presumed would have been extinguished by the effects of the nukes. He brought his collection, all contained in Mason jars, into the vault on that fateful day. The contents of the jars included several seeds of different plant species, some purified water, and a few pints of crude oil. Once the vault permanently opened, Edd planned to reintroduce the native plant life back to the environment by planting his seed collection and planned to conduct experiments on the oil to see if he could create an alternative fuel source.

After Edd finished straightening his bed sheets for the umpteenth time he turned around and was greeted by the sight of Ed's face pressed up against the window of his apartment, his arms gesturing to join him outside.

Edd stepped out and Ed greeted him with a booming "Hi, Double D!"

Ed had just returned from his job as Sanitation Specialist; a toolbox clutched in one hand and a plunger held over his shoulder with his other hand. His jumpsuit stained with a brown substance one could only assume was human waste.

"Oh, hello Ed." Said Edd, trying to prevent the faint smell of fecal matter from entering his nostrils.

"You won't believe what I found today!" Ed shouted with excitement.

"I can't say I can, Ed." Replied Edd.

Ed dropped his toolbox, reached into his pocket, and pulled out a small bottlecap.

Seeing as how he didn't wish to hurt Ed's feelings, Edd humored him. "My, that's a rather valuable object you've got there."

"_Yep_." Replied Ed, stuffing the cap back into his pocket. "So, what shall we do today?"

"Well Ed, it appears both you and I have been invited to a gathering with our fellow vault dwellers over in the Common Room." Edd answered.

"Really!" Ed questioned in increasing excitement. "I hope someone brought cheese-dip!"

"Then there is no time to waste. Let us adjourn to the Common Room." Replied Edd.

The two walked down the hallway towards the Common Room. Along the way, Ed began to ask a series of questions.

"Do you think Rolf's chickens will be there?" he asked.

"I'm afraid Rolf's assemblies of poultry have all peri-" Edd stopped himself.

He tried to think of a more sensitive way of explaining to Ed that all of Rolf's chickens have been deep-fried and smothered in eleven energies and radiations during the war.

"They've all moved to the great chicken coop in the sky." Said Edd.

"Aww. So long, Little Dickens." Ed was disappointed that he favorite feathered friends were no longer among him.

Just then, another grim possibility of losing a friend popped into his mind.

"Double D, do you think Eddy will come back?"

Edd stopped dead in his tracks. Though he would always deny the thought every time it entered his head, this time Edd considered the possibility that Eddy might perish in the wasteland.

Edd sighed. "Well Ed, his quest may be infeasible and the odds may be against Eddy but if there is one thing I have learned about him after all the years of being his friend, it's that he's impatient, hates it when he doesn't get his way, and doesn't let anyone push him around. However, these _could be_ the right character traits he needs to help properly motivate him to complete his task. Let's also hope these traits could improve his wasteland survival skills.

Ed gave a look of confusion.

Edd explained. "For instance, if Eddy is impatient and despises the thought of not getting his own way then it is possible he will become irrepressible, doing whatever it takes to recover the waterchip; not stopping for anything until he completes the task bestowed upon him. Also, if Eddy doesn't let anyone push him around so easily, odds are he won't be taken advantage of or manipulated by any nefarious individuals he may encounter in the wasteland, thus decreasing the like hood of him coming face-to-face with his ultimate demise by the hands of a marauder. Hopefully Eddy could use his seemingly negative traits to his advantage. As I stated before, his unique personality traits could contribute to his wasteland survival skill and could help insure the possibility of him arriving home safely."

"_Oh_." Replied Ed.

Ed didn't really understand what Edd meant but he still felt reassured that Eddy would return safely.

* * *

The two reached the end of the corridor and came face to face with a steel door. The sign above identified it as the entrance to the Common Room.

Denotatively speaking, the Common Room was the central location where all three vault living quarters connected. The Male Living Quarters were connected by a door on the west side of the room, the Female Living Quarters were connected by a door on the east side of the room, and the Lemon Brook Living Quarters (vault dwellers who originally resided from Lemon Brook had their own separate Living Quarter) were connected by a door in the north wall.

Connotatively speaking, the Common Room was a lounge specifically built as a place for the vault dwellers to hang-out, play a few games, listen to music, indulge themselves in a few non-alcoholic drinks, or relax after a hectic day of work. Though the room seemed to be the closest thing to a vacation the kids could get to, it still reminded the residents that they had specific duties to perform once they left. To insure this, a Vault-Tec text messaging reader had been mounted to the center of the south wall, broadcasting informative/propagandic messages every few seconds. Vault residents were constantly reminded that "_Hard Work is Happy Work", "The Outside World Can Never Hurt You", _and that_ "Procreation is Your Civic Duty"._

Kevin and Rolf sat at a circular poker table in the corner; playing a few hands of Texas Hold 'Em using the standard issue Vault-Tec playing cards. Despite how much Kevin tried to teach him, Rolf's mind just couldn't grasp the concept of the game.

"Curse the Lone Star State for their pathetic excuse of a wager related table-top game of cards! Why, in The Old Country, the parlor games actually required one to possess skill. Tell me, Kev-boy, what is the purpose of this game other than to trick the feeble minded village buffoons into gambling a month's supply of crops! Rolf ranted.

"Dude, chill out." Kevin assured him. "We're not even betting with real money."

Kevin gestured to a pile of Vault-Tec issued poker chips. Rolf scowled at the pile.

"Enough! Rolf does not wish play any more of your honky-tonky bovine-prodding card games! Let Rolf immerse you into a classic pastime of the Old Country, Shacklava; the laborer's game of skill!"

Rolf collected all the playing cards and began to shuffle them.

He spoke quietly to himself. "Perhaps this shall ease Rolf's mind from the events earlier in the day."

* * *

The desire to live the humble life of a farmer burned passionately within Rolf's inner being. He believed that a lifetime of hard work in the fields, caring for livestock, and living the simple life of a self-sustained rural farmer was better than being a suburb dwelling individual, whose co-dependencies on modern technologies essentially became your life-support. While the thought of losing one's cellular phone seemed to be the end of the world for such a person, Rolf pitied those kinds of individuals, assuring himself that his self-sustaining lifestyle would never cause him to become reliant on modern technology.

Rolf believed that technology had ushered in mankind's destruction and that the whole war could have been avoided if the nations of the world weren't obsessed with creating the biggest weapons to nuke each other with. What he failed to realize was that no matter the circumstance, people will always find a way to kill each other. After all, war never changes.

His views didn't matter the day the bombs fell. Rolf was forced to leave his beloved farm behind and begin anew; within a vault. Rolf suddenly had to adapt to a new lifestyle; one where you are enclosed inside a steel prison, one where you must work with the complex machines that sustain said prison, one where a state of the art gadget, that seemingly had all the answers, was permanently strapped to your wrist, and one where you are totally reliant on technology. Rolf never really did adapt to this new lifestyle, to be honest, he didn't want to. Rolf, like Eddy, had become fed up with vault life and yearned for the good old days back on the outside and, as a result, had become irritable and frequently complained about life in the vault.

While Rolf's official job in the vault was to be a _Fry Cook_ in Vault 23's cafetorium, one of the few jobs that didn't require one to be experienced with vault technology, most of the time he was assigned with the simple task of peeling potatoes or preparing ingredients. This wasn't the case earlier that day.

During the dayshift lunch break the head of Vault 23 security, an older boy from Lemon Brook by the name of Jake Cornett, had ordered a special meal of Beef Wellington to be served to him for lunch. The head chef had stepped out of the kitchen on a restroom break and Rolf, being the only person in the kitchen, was bestowed with the task of creating the meal. Unfortunately Rolf could not come to terms with the vault's complicated oven system and accidentally burnt the meal to a crisp as well as inflicting damage to one of the ovens, rendering it out of order. Jake Cornett became infuriated and demanded that Rolf work overtime for the next three weeks. From that point on, Rolf could not put up with vault life anymore; he wanted out.

* * *

Rolf began to stack the cards on top of each other in the shape of a strange pyramid. He carefully snatched four cards from the bottom level of the pyramid, without toppling it over, and dealt two to Kevin.

He looked at his cards and said "I wager you two turnips and a pomegranate. Do you accept?"

"Umm… Sure." Replied Kevin, who hadn't the slightest clue on how the game worked.

"SHACKLAVA!" shouted Rolf as he smashed the pyramid to the ground.

"I have called you out, Kevin. Now draw from the well of spoils!" demanded Rolf.

Kevin froze. Not knowing what to do next, he darted his eyes across the room and spotted Ed an Edd standing in the doorway.

"Oh hey look, Rolf, Dork One and Dork Two have joined the party!"

Rolf, Nazz, Jonny, Sarah, and Jimmy looked up and focused their attention on the two Eds.

Ed leaned over to Edd and whispered "I think you're Dork Two, Double D."

"Fine observation, Ed." Replied Edd, sarcastically.

The two began walking towards Kevin while noticing how many of their fellow neighbors from Peach Creek were in attendance.

"Hi Ed. Hi Double D." said Nazz.

Nazz sat upon a stool at the edge of the bar; a bottle of ice cold Nuka-Cola clutched in her hand. She wore a white lab coat over her usual jumpsuit, as was the standard dress code for those who worked in the vault's medical clinic. Her occupation was _Vault Nurse_ and she spent most of her time assisting the vault physicians or personally dealing with people's minor medical problems. Unlike some of the other kids, Nazz adapted well to vault life and didn't complain much. After all, she was thankful just to get a spot in the vault reserved for her.

Sarah and Jimmy loitered around the jukebox in the southwest corner of the room. As stated before, Sarah and Jimmy were but a few shy years of Vault 23's working age and were free to wander around the vault as they please. With nothing but free time, Sarah quickly became bored of vault life. To combat her boredom, she frequently blackmailed some of the vault residents into satisfying her every whim. Those who refused would soon be having a malicious lie told about them to Overseer Elron.

Jimmy on the other hand absolutely no complaints about his stay in the vault. The war had a negative impact on Jimmy's mental state as he now had a constant fear of the outside world. He felt that Vault 23 was the ultimate safe house from harm; he convinced himself by examining his weekly injury rate, which had significantly decreased since he first entered the vault.

Sarah smacked the sides of the jukebox, trying to get it to work after Ed accidentally tackled it to the ground. The jukebox was stuck playing music from its _classic songs_ playlist. Sarah desperately tried to get it to play anything but Ma Rainey's "Slave to the Blues".

Jonny leaned against a pool table with Plank, candidly reading the various messages the vault's text messaging reader displayed.

"See Plank? The outside world can never hurt us." He assured his wooden companion.

Jonny, like Nazz, didn't particularly mind vault life. He saw it as a method of protecting him and that one day the vault would eventually open and he would be free to go on his own adventures in the wasteland.

Edd approached Kevin. "Greetings Kevin. So… Why exactly did you wish for us to your social gathering?"

"I'll explain it all in a minute. We're just waiting for a few more people to show up." Kevin chuckled after he said this.

It wasn't until after a few minutes when the door to the Girl's Living Quarters opened up and three familiar harpies entered the room.

"Ka-ka-ka!" Ed stuttered. "KANKERS!"

Yes, it was none other than Lee, Marie and May. The three sisters just returned form their work shift down in the maintenance department and their jumpsuits were coated with some form of a job related substance.

Lee's suit was coated in a layer of ash, as her career happened to be _Vault Garbage Burner_, the lowest dignified job in the hypothetical vault caste system. Both Marie and May's jumpsuits were coated in a slightly cleaner substance; laundry detergent, as it was Marie's job to operate the vault's maintenance level laundry cannon. May acted as _Assistant Laundry Cannon Operator_. The Kanker's were about as enthusiastic about vault life as Rolf. Though they hated all aspects of being confined to, what is essentially, a steel prison the only thing that made life in Vault 23 more tolerable was the thought of sharing vault life near their beloved self-proclaimed "boyfriends", the Eds.

Lee observed all the activities in the Common Room. "I'm surprised we actually got invited to this shin-dig."

Edd tried to sneak his way towards the back of the room but was caught by Marie who pinned him against the wall.

"Hey, Cutiepie. Leaving without giving a goodbye kiss?"

"No, I-I-I-I" Edd stuttered. He was trapped, to where to run, the only thing he could to was wait for the inevitable kiss.

At the same time May wrapped her arms around Ed with the strength and deadliness of an anaconda.

"Big Ed." She said, "Ain't you gonna buy me a drink?"

"Uh, n-n-no. All I've got is a bottle cap." He replied.

"Lay off them, you two." Kevin ordered the Kankers. "We've got bigger things to deal with right now."

Marie and May obediently left the two Eds alone and joined back with Lee. Both Ed and Edd were surprised to see Kevin actually defend them for a change.

"Now for the real reason I've brought you all here tonight." Spoke Kevin.

"It's about time!" Sarah shouted.

Ignoring her complaint, Kevin walked over to the northwest corner of the Common Room and gestured to the door leading to a storage closet.

"If you all would just step into my office we'll get started." He continued.

The kids all looked at each other in confusion but then complied to Kevin's order. They entered the room in a single file line with Kevin being the last to enter. Before doing so, Kevin eyed around the room, looking for any signs of suspicion, and then promptly closed the door. What Kevin failed to notice was the Vault-Tec Eye-On-You camera in the corner of the room; its lens manually focusing in on the door to the storage room.

* * *

The kids all stood against the walls of the storage room; shelves lined with all sorts of general items. Broom sticks, cleaning detergents, vinyl records, boxes of ramen noodles, extra folding chairs, pools cues, crates of billiard balls, and numerous boxes of pool cue chalk are but a few of the items.

Kevin pulled a folding chair from the wall and sat upon it. He folded one leg against the other and began the discussion.

"Now, I've brought you all here because we need to talk about a real important issue."

Ed interrupted, "Uh, Kevin!"

"What, Dork?" he replied, impatiently.

"Got any snacks?"

Some of the kids rolled their eyes.

Kevin replied. "There's a box of dry ramen noodles behind you."

The kids remained silent and Kevin continued.

"Now, we've been in this vault for like, I don't know, almost a year. We've all worked the same, monotonous, jobs over and over again, every day, from nine to five. We get off work hang out in this lame Common Room until the curfew sets in. Then, the whole day repeats! No break in the routine, no nothing'; just same old, same old. Well, I don't know about you guys but I'm freakin' sick of this life!"

The kids continued to listen. Edd began to notice a startling parallel between Eddy's argument and Kevin's.

Kevin continued. "By show of hands, how many of you are tired of life in this vault?"

Half the kids raised their hands while the other half kept them lowered. Lee, Marie, May, Sarah, and Rolf wholeheartedly agreed with Kevin's argument while Jimmy, Jonny, Nazz, Edd and Ed remained on the opposing side. Nazz hesitated to answer. She darted her eyes at the other kids and, as she was about to raise her hand, gave a look of uncertainty and decided to keep her hand lowered. Edd kept a neutral stance on the topic while Ed didn't really understand/care about the argument and spent the remainder of the time munching on pool cue chalk from the back shelf.

"Hmm… I see." said Kevin. "This brings us to our next discussion."

Kevin unfolded his legs and began to speak again. "Why is it that the Overseer has to keep the vault door closed all the time? Why can't we just go in and out of the vault as we please? It'd be one heck of a nice change to our boring old routine if we were allowed to explore the outside once in a while."

The kids became intrigued with this idea. Many exchanged looks of agreement and even excitement. The only one who had negative feeling for this idea was Jimmy.

"Jeepers, no!" he cried out. He wasn't about to let the opening of the vault compromise his only safe haven.

"What if the outside world is full of monsters and bad guys! What if they break into the vault and attack us! What if the radioactiveness creeps in and poisons us! For heavens sake Kevin, keep the vault closed!"

At this point Jimmy began to shake uncontrollably and Sarah rushed over to comfort him.

"Relax Curly, chances are slim. I tried convincing the Overseer to let us leave the vault as we please but all he said was that 'It's too dangerous out there', and 'I'm concerned about the safety and well being of the vault'. _Ba_loney! If it were so dangerous out there then why bother sending a defenseless twerp like Eddy out into the wasteland?"

Then kids once again exchanged looks of agreement. Edd became offended by Kevin's belittlement of Eddy.

"Hey, maybe opening up can actually benefit the vault? Think, if we allowed to leave the vault we could trade supplies with the locals or create a farm to grow food or something." Kevin continued. "Rolf, you could create a new farm! Just think how rad that would be!"

Rolf's face brightened with joy after hearing that idea. "A phenomenal idea, Kevin!"

"Just one problem; so long as that darn Overseer is in power this vault won't be opening up anytime soon."

The kids suddenly acquired disgruntled expressions. Edd became suspicious of where the next part of Kevin's argument was going to lead to.

Kevin continued. "Speaking of which, what's the deal with this Elron guy? How does some twenty-year old Lemon Brook dude, straight outta' high school, get the position of Overseer?"

Discussion broke out amongst the kids. It wasn't until Jimmy blurted something out when things began to get interesting.

"I heard his dad works for some government agency!"

The kids all stopped their simultaneous discussions and focused on Jimmy.

"And _where exactly_ did you hear this, Jimmy?" questioned Edd.

"Through the grape vine." He replied.

Nazz added to the conversation. "You don't suppose his dad had something to do with his position?"

Lee jumped to a sudden conclusion. "I knew it! He's Daddy's brown-nosed little yes-man!"

"Preposterous!" butted Edd. "You're basing your opinions on uncertain rumors! Perhaps there is another reason besides nepotism why Elron Thompson was chosen for the position of Overseer. Surely he has some redeeming qualities; after all, they wouldn't have just left an entire vault in the hands of an incompetent twenty year old without the help of qualified adults, right?

The room became silent as the kids tried to comprehend what Edd just said. Jonny ultimately broke the silence with an all too important question.

"_Where are_ our parents!" he exclaimed.

Edd responded. "They were redirected to another vault. I'm not sure where exactly. I seemed to have forgotten to search for the location ever since Eddy's departure."

May started up another round of questions. "Hey, why is this vault full of nothing but kids?"

None of the kids, not even Edd, could come up with a proper explanation.

Kevin came up with his own answer. "This is what I'm talkin' about, man. A vault full of kids, parents no where in sight, and an Overseer with mysterious credentials. I don't like it. _We need_ to get out."

Some of the kids began to nod in agreement.

Kevin continued. "The only thing is, our comrade Elron won't listen to us. Probably cuz' we're from Peach Creek."

Edd's eyes widened. He realized that Kevin was using the Peach Creek/Lemon Brook rivalry as a scapegoat for why Elron won't listen to the kids. Being a native of Lemon Brook, Kevin figured that Elron would have a natural grudge against Peach Creek kids, and would instantly dismiss any suggestions from them as blasphemy.

"That darn lemon sucker!" Marie shouted.

"I always figured he hated Peach Creek kids!" Kevin continued. "Why else do you think we got all the cruddy jobs while the Lemon Brook kids got the cool jobs, like security guards and whatnot?"

Edd questioned Kevin's motives. "You're not jealous, are you Kevin?"

"Me! Hah!" Kevin laughed, though deep down inside his jealousy burned. "So what if I landed the lame job as Vault Engineer and was never offered a chance to become a security guard? It's not my fault, it's that bigot overseer!"

Most of the kids agreed with him.

"Those Lemon Brookers are all the same!" shouted Sarah. "I say after we open up the vault we round them all up and knock their lights out!"

"Hey, come on, now. They're not… all bad." Rebutted Kevin, speaking that last line with hesitation, as he remembered the lunchroom friends he made.

"Precisely, Kevin." Said Edd. "The solution to our dilemma is not to threaten our misunderstood peers with violence but with diplomacy and negotiation."

The kids focused their attention on Edd; a few of them scoffed at his idea.

He continued. "If this water crisis continues longer than expected, then perhaps one could convince the overseer to open up the vault in an attempt to find an auxiliary source of help. Of course, this plan is unlikely, as it should only take Eddy a short amount of time or so to find the replacement waterchip."

A moment of silence fell upon the kids. Kevin ultimately broke this moment to input his own opinion.

"We're dead!" he mocked.

"Oh, come now, Kevin!" argued Edd.

"Face it, Double Dweeb, you're short friend is a goner! Don't tell me you actually expected him to survive out there?"

Edd despised Kevin's pessimism. Edd had a firm belief that Eddy would successfully return with the waterchip.

"That dork's probably mutant-buzzard food by now. He won't be coming back anytime soon. The only way we can get Overseer Elron to open up the vault is with a good old fashioned pounding!" boasted Kevin.

"Well Kevin, if you are so sure of yourself, why don't you gamble on it?" asked Edd.

"Ooooooh!" jeered Jonny, realizing Edd was challenging Kevin's cynicism.

Kevin ultimately accepted the challenge. "Alright then! I wager one month's worth of water rations! If Dorky comes back, you win. If he doesn't come back within the week you give me a month's worth of your rations _and_ we will deal with the overseer _my_ way!"

Kevin extended his arm, offering a handshake as a sign of an agreement. Edd complied and shook Kevin's hand. The rest of the kids watched the agreement and started to make their own bets whether Eddy would return or not.

"You heard us, kids." Kevin spoke. "If the twerp doesn't return then things are gonna start changing down here. That's it for tonight's meeting, but I'd like to say one last thing, if-"

Kevin's concentration suddenly broke after the sound of teeth crunching against a hard substance broke its way into his head. The kids turned and focused their attention of the origin of the sound; Ed, who sat in the corner munching on strange blue cubes of a chalky substance.

All the kids yelled in unison, "ED!"

"Wha?" replied Ed with his mouth full. "I'm enjoying this nutritious snack!"

"That's pool cue chalk you _MO_RON!" shouted Sarah.

Ed swallowed his ground meal of friction inducer and refused to eat any more chalk for the rest of the evening.

Kevin continued his statement. "If you guys come across any sort of supplies that can be turned into makeshift melee weapons, now would be a good time to stock up on them. Meeting adjourned."

Kevin sat up from his chair and exited the room. The rest with the kids soon began to leave the room with mixed feelings about their predicament. Rolf and the Kankers favored Kevin's way of dealing with the overseer, as they felt it was the only way an ignorant person like Elron could listen to their ideas. Though Nazz, Ed, and Jonny were neutral about permanently opening the vault they agreed with Edd's way of dealing with the overseer. The only person who had no opinion on who should convince to overseer to open the vault was Jimmy, who wished for the vault to stay closed, securing it from the dangers of the wastes. Jimmy shared his feelings with Sarah outside the room.

"I'm scared, Sarah. What if Kevin overthrows the overseer in a violent coup!" feared Jimmy.

Sarah, who maintained a neutral relationship with Overseer Elron, comforted Jimmy. "It's okay, Jimmy. If any of those boneheads threaten to attack the overseer just tattle on them!"

Even though Sarah previously vowed to punch the lights out of all the Lemon Brook residents she didn't really favor Kevin's method of dealing with the situation. She recently had gotten on Elron's good side after realizing he depended on her to be his little snitch.

Meanwhile, Nazz had a few words to say to Edd. As she walked up to him he was startled by her unexpected appearance.

"Oh, h-hi, Nazz." Edd stuttered.

"Hi Double D. I just wanted to say that I thought it was really cool how you stood up to Kevin like that."

"Oh! Really?" Edd responded.

"Totally. I'm glad that you offered a non-violent solution to our problem, instead of jumping straight to the 'rioting-mob' option. That's totally rad!" she replied.

"Oh, well, I'm glad you are satisfied with my decisions." Edd replied.

Nazz nodded. "Well, see ya later, Double D."

Edd lustfully stared at her as she left the room.

"One day, Edd." He said to himself.

"One day what, Double D?" asked Ed, who mistakenly heard his name being called.

"Oh uh, nothing, Ed." Replied Edd.

Suddenly Marie crept up next to Edd and had a few words to say of her own.

"So, you like the way 'Sidewalk-Sally' looks, eh!" she said during a fit of jealous rage.

Edd turned around and was treated to the sight of an angry Kanker.

"Gah! Marie! I was, er, uh… this isn't a good time! Actually, for the record, it's never a good time!" Edd snapped at her.

Marie scowled at him then made a bee-line for first base.

"Pucker up, muffin." She solemnly spoke.

"_Oh my_." Yelped Edd, awaiting the inevitable.

Ed closed his eyes.

The storage room door closed and only Edd's screams of terror could be heard.

* * *

The security camera in the Common Room relayed footage back to a security terminal in the vault Command Center. Jake Cornett, sat at the computer terminal observing the movement of the vault dwellers. Jake Cornett was the chief of Vault 23 security and was the overseer's right hand man. Jake had a personality so brutal it made a Gestapo officer look like a member of The Village People.

"Sir!" he called out. "Take a look at this!"

Jake called out to none other than Overseer Elron. Elron climbed off his elevated chair and walked over to the security terminal.

Jake continued. "It's been about ten minutes. They've just now left the storage room."

"Now why on Earth would such a large group gather in the storage room?" questioned Elron. "It's as if they purposely avoided our security camera line of sight."

Jake rolled his eyes, as if it were a no-brainier.

"Something is going on behind our backs and I aim to get to the bottom of it." Elron stated.

"Shall I ready an interrogation squad?" asked Jake.

"That won't be necessary." Assured Elron. "I've already got someone on the inside who can give me the information I need."

"As you wish." Replied Jake.

"I _sincerely_ hope those Peach Creek ruffians don't snoop around in places they shouldn't be." Elron said to himself.

Suddenly Elron's command post chair flashed a red hazard light and emitted constant stream of warning tones.

"What!" shouted Elron. "The entrance alarm? Has he returned already?"

He sprint back to the post and climbed back into the chair. He observed the central screen on the control panel and switched the camera feed to the front entrance where he was greeted by the sight of a herd of cattle.

"What in the world is this!" he shouted.

A voice came through the intercom on the control panel.

"Hello?" spoke a male voice. "This is Vault 23 right?"

Elron was confused as to why and how this man received the location of the vault.

"This is the overseer of Vault 23, state your business." He responded.

"Yeah, we're from the Hubcap Flats branch of water merchants and we've got an order to deliver one thousand gallons of purified water to this location. Where do ya want it?"

Elron was dumbfounded on how there was even a group of survivors in the wasteland, much less ones who hail from a settlement and who manage to deliver _fresh_ water to the vault. Elron ultimately was relived that a fresh supply of life-sustaining water had arrived to the vault, none the less.

Elron reached for the intercom. "Just unpack it out-front. My team will be dispatched to retrieve it in a short while."

* * *

Later, the kids all gathered in the Lower Atrium and watched as groups of Elron's workers hauled in massive barrels of water from the entrance to the elevator; sending the barrels on their way down to the reserve tanks in the Maintenance Level.

The kids cheered once they realized freshwater had arrived. Unfortunately for Kevin the occasion didn't turn out so joyous. As he watched the steady stream of water making its way into the vault Edd snuck behind him and spoke a single statement directly into his ear.

"I hope you've brought enough water vouchers..."

* * *

**Author's Note: **I hope you enjoyed this very special "change in point -of-view" chapter. Keep the good reviews coming. Also, you do not realize how awkward it was for me to write the Kanker's dialogue. Seriously. –Jspyster1


	12. Chapter 12: Apocryphal Appetites

**Author's Note: **Originally I planned for this chapter to be the beginning part of Chapter 12 but I figured that it was good enough to be a stand-alone chapter. I decided to go ahead and post it so that you guys would have something to read while I finish the rest of Chapter 12 (now 13); how thoughtful. Enjoy.

* * *

**Chapter 12: Apocryphal Appetites  
**

Day Six of Eddy's journey was like no other. Abandoned by his friends, banned from the sanctity of the coveted Vault 69, and without a catalyst to guide him to a specified location, Eddy wandered aimlessly through the Peach Creek wasteland with no clear sense of direction or ambition.

The scorching heat of the midday sun beat down upon Eddy, further inducing the agony of traveling through a rocky outcrop while toting several pounds of equipment on one's person. Though the idea of carrying around a minigun with you seems to strike a sense of awe into the majority of people, the reality is that carrying such a weapon with you is more of a hassle than it is a convenience.

Eddy began to have second thoughts about lugging the heavy piece of firepower around wherever he went.

"How the heck do all those videogame characters do it?" he found himself asking.

He shifted his focus away from the negative aspects of packing heat and began to question just where exactly he was traveling to. Not even the slightest clue of another potential waterchip source entered Eddy's mind. He decided to push deeper into the wasteland in hopes of finding another settlement where he could receive directions or possibly get an escort back home, though this was purely wishful thinking.

As Eddy neared the tail end of the outcrop he spotted a small stream of smoke rising into the sky.

"Maybe there's some people camping." He thought to himself.

Eddy approached the area with caution, as he just as well may be entering a raider camp. As a campsite came into view Eddy hid behind a boulder in order to scope out the inhabitants to see if they were friendly or hostile. Eddy didn't see any of the telltale signs of a raider camp (fresh corpses, skeletons, blood splatters, skulls impaled on pikes, etc.) but instead found a small campsite consisting of a shoddy tent, stitched together from a combination of cowhide and fabric, and a small campfire where a bearded man tended a large cooking pot. A small pond of irradiated water occupied the land in the distance. Taking a chance and assuming this man was friendly; Eddy stepped out from behind the boulder and signaled the stranger. Before doing so, Eddy kept his minigun hidden from view yet easily reachable from his position. He also grasped his hands against his belt/holster, implying to the stranger that he was armed and ready to use his handgun if the man became hostile.

"Hey!" Eddy called out.

The stranger turned and was surprised to see a teenage boy standing by himself in the wasteland; dressed in a fashionably atrocious jumpsuit none the less!

"I'm kinda lost out here. Can you give me directions?" Eddy continued.

"Lost are ya?" the stranger replied. "Of course I can give ya a few directions!"

Eddy took note of the man's accent. "Ah, great. _another_ hillbilly." He thought to himself.

The stranger seemed eager to help with Eddy's situation.

"Don't fret none, boy." The stranger continued. "Come and have a seat I was just about to get dinner started."

The stranger chuckled and did a little jig before entering inside his tent.

Eddy was a little curious about the man's behavior but any thoughts of suspicion were ultimately disregarded by the promise of free food. Eddy walked over and sat upon a charred log in front of the man's tent. The stranger returned, setting down several tin plates on an old picnic table. Eddy caught a whiff of the man as he passed by. He smelled as if he hadn't bathed since before the war.

"Tonight we will dine on fine China!" exclaimed the man before chuckling and returning to his tent.

Eddy seemed to get a good take on the man's personality: old, friendly, eccentric, and reeking of manure. If Eddy didn't know any better he would've sworn this man was Rosie's long lost brother.

The man returned to the campfire and stirred the pot; steam rising as the water within boiled.

"So what's a kid like you doing all alone out here?" asked the stranger.

"I'm, uh, looking for a waterchip for my vault." Eddy replied. "Do ya know any places where I can find a vault?"

"I know lotsa places." Replied the stranger. "Yeseriee, to the North you got ol' Peach Creek; there's a big ol' tradin' city up there. Maybe they've got the part yer looking for."

"Been there, done that. What else?" replied Eddy.

The man continued. "Well far to the East you've got the Apple River tribe. I reckon you stay away from those people. They're too weird, even for me!" He chuckled and began to frantically stir the water. "He, he, irony!"

"I'll keep that in mind if I ever travel that way." Replied Eddy, now becoming suspicious of the man's sanity. "Where else?"

"Well, I saw that there's a vault lookin' place a little up North from here. Sometimes I hear party music boomin' from the inside. Sounds like a fun place if you ask me!"

"Let me tell ya something Mr… uh." Eddy paused, forgetting to ask for the man's name.

"Tom." The man replied.

"_Tom_, all the hype about Vault 69; BOGUS!" he exclaimed.

"What a shame." Replied Tom. "The only other place I know there's a vault is Lemon Brook."

Eddy's eyes gaped at the very mention of the town. Tom noticed this.

"_Ah_, so you're familiar with the city Lemon Brook. Anywho, I heard they built one of those vaults under a factory near the town. It's only a few miles down South of here."

Eddy suddenly recalled an earlier memory from his past. It was the only significant factory he knew that was located near Lemon Brook. "Gag Factory." He whispered to himself.

"But be warned!" shouted Tom. Eddy refocused on Tom and heaved his next words with caution. "They say the town's been overrun with… The walking dead!"

"What!" exclaimed Eddy. "You mean like zombies? No way!"

Tom nodded. "I've seen them with my own eyes! They idle together in groups then viciously maul any living creature the passes by!"

Eddy shook his head at Tom in disbelief. "What have you been smoking, old man?"

Tom threw his hands up into the air. "Fine! Don't believe me; but don't come cryin' back to me when you've got a blood-thirsty horde on yer tail!"

Eddy stood up and spoke, "Well, I guess I'm gonna go find out if the dead really walk the earth."

Tom jumped and blocked Eddy from leaving. "Hold on, now! At least rest for minute and have a bite to eat. A young boy like you needs energy to continue on travelin', especially if you plan to outrun the living dead!"

Eddy thought for a moment "I guess I can rest for a bit." he replied.

He took a seat back on the log and began to plan out the next part of his journey. Though he didn't believe the man at first, Eddy began to think that maybe there was a possibility of zombies roaming the town of Lemon Brook. His excitement suddenly increased when he realized the potential of telling the world's greatest adventure story back to the kids in Vault 23; the perfect opportunity to score some popularity points.

"Man." Eddy thought. "Zombies at the Gag Factory? Wait 'till the kids back home hear about this! Move over, Frank West, Eddy the zombie slayer is coming to town!"

He turned his attention back to the offering of free food.

"So, when's dinner gonna be ready?" Eddy pestered.

"_Oh_, anytime now." Replied Tom.

Unsure of how long the meal was going to take to cook Eddy decided to make small talk with this mysterious mountain dweller.

"_So_ mister… You like living here?" He asked.

"Sure do! I prefer the solace and beauty of the outdoors, the majestic views of the land before me, and the companionship of the earth's many benevolent creatures." Replied Tom as he, once again, began to frantically stir the water.

Eddy rolled his eyes. "This guy is _fried._" he thought. "So, you're a hermit."

"Yeseriee!" he cheerfully replied.

Eddy continued with more small talk. "'Get any other visitors?"

"Every now-and-then." Replied Tom. "But they don't stay long."

Eddy didn't really contemplate the implications of Tom's statement; he assumed the visitors would have been scarred off by Tom's odor alone.

Eddy stopped with the small talk and went back to thinking of how to explain his epic zombie slaying journey to the kids back home. He then turned around in his seat and admired the view of the wasteland from atop the small cliff from which the camp was set up on. Eddy noticed a few buildings on the horizon. Assuming this was Lemon Brook, he estimated that it would take a good hour to reach the town.

Tom noticed that Eddy was busy preoccupied with his surroundings. Without hesitation, he dipped a finger into the pot of boiling water and quickly pulled it back, realizing that maybe is _was_ a stupid idea after all. He noticed that the skin at the tip of his finger had loosened up and became wrinkled.

"Dinner's almost ready." He whispered to himself.

He quietly slipped back into his tent.

Meanwhile, Eddy began practicing his triumphant return speech.

"Yeah, I'm back with the waterchip, _alive_! Yeah, I'm just that awesome. Did I mention I slayed, like, two-hundred zombies along the way?"

While Eddy was busy full of himself, Tom stepped out from the tent;

_A rusty meat cleaver clenched in his hand._

"What's that? Why _of course_ I'll go out with you Nazz. Sorry Kevin, but I'm gonna need your suit."

Tom stealthily approached Eddy from behind; his eyes, fixated on Eddy's body, burned with a murderous fervor. Using both hands, he grasped the cleaver with enough raw force to strangulate the life out of an unfortunate soul. Hunger can drive a man to the brink of insanity; such is one of the perils of a famished wasteland.

With his back still turned on Tom, Eddy stopped his monologue in time to ask "Hey, when's that dinner comin' up!"

"Oh, it'll be done as soon as I'm through cookin' YOU!" snapped Tom as he charged forward with the cleaver.

Eddy turned around and saw the rusty blade of a meat cleaver heading right towards his skull. Acting quickly, he managed to dodge the blade by flinging his body in another direction. He, unfortunately, tripped over the log he had been sitting on but managed to kick Tom in the kneecaps, sending him backwards a few inches. Eddy sprung back up to his feet, whipped out his handgun, and aimed at Tom.

"You're crazy, old man!" Eddy shouted.

Tom stood back up, "It's nothing personal kid but I've got no other way of feeding myself. Now, I've tried coyote meat but I seem to have grown accustom to human flesh and, well, it just tastes _so_ much better!"

Tom grasped the cleaver again and charge again at Eddy. Eddy dodged the attack by flipping around Tom as he lunged. He then delivered a swift pistol-whip to the back of Tom's head.

WHAM!

Tom shouted in agony as he plopped down to the ground clenching the back of his cranium. Eddy stood back and kept his distance. Once the pain stopped, Tom removed his hand off back of his head and stood up again.

"Stop squirmin' ya little bastard! This won't take long!" taunted Tom.

Eddy found cover behind the cooking pot.

"What kind of sick man eats kids for dinner!" Eddy shouted; his finger ready to pull the trigger, without hesitation, if Tom tried to pull another stunt.

"Relax," Tom replied. "I'm not unreasonable. I mean I don't eat the eyeballs!" He mocked.

Tom took a few steps forward towards Eddy. "But I'll make an exception; I'm gonna enjoy making minced meat outta _your_ sorry ass."

Clenching the meat cleaver with both hands, Tom furiously charged once more at Eddy. Using his surroundings to his advantage, he grasped the pot, ignoring the searing pain of the heat, and tilted it, spilling a load of boiling water onto Tom.

"GAAAAAAHHH!" screamed Tom as the furious tide of boiling water singed almost every square inch of his flesh, leading to some nasty 2nd degree burns.

Tom tried crawling over to the meat clever which lay a few feet away from his spot but Eddy fired his pistol at both of Tom's kneecaps; ending his days of walking forever.

As Tom lay in a state of agonizing pain, Eddy spotted a smaller pot next to the campfire. He knew what he had to do. Using the pot, he scooped up some material from the campfire which continued to burn a steady flame even as it was being transported in Eddy's pot. He hurried over to the tent and looked inside. It was there where he made a gruesome discovery. Inside were the decaying remains of Tom's victims along with a morbid collection of utensils and food seasonings Tom used.

Eddy stepped back out and flung the flaming debris onto the tent. The shelter caught fire in a matter of seconds, incinerating Tom's diabolical kitchen while simultaneously striking a blow to his reign of terror. Eddy walked back over to the boulder where he hid his minigun. Firmly grasping the two handles, he picked it back up and was just about ready to continue his journey.

As he walked past the campsite Tom pleaded to Eddy, "Just kill me already! End my misery!"

Eddy paused and looked straight at Tom. He observed the degenerated human being plead for death as he lay in torment on the ground.

Eddy then responded with his own dyslogy, "You've got no food, no shelter, and no legs. You probably won't even last another hour out here. You'll be gone soon enough."

Without speaking another word, Eddy left Tom and marched back out into the wastes. Destination: Lemon Brook.

"DAAAAMN YOOOU!" bellowed Tom, but Eddy paid no mind.

Walking out of the deceitful campsite, Eddy left Tom to die a grim, bloody, demise.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Keep the good reviews coming. –Jspyster1


	13. Chapter 13: Cadaverville

**Author's Note: WARNING: This chapter contains disturbing imagery. Read with caution. **Now that that's out of the way, let's get to my usual commentary. Just like Chapter 12, I originally planned for the current chapter and the next to be just one single chapter but I broke the two apart figuring that it was good enough to be a stand-alone chapter. The reason why it has taken me so long to write these next two chapters is because they involve heavy emotional themes, which I am not so good at writing about. The emotional themes are not so prevalent in this chapter but will be present in Chapter 14. Here's hoping I don't put that off for another 4 months. Hah. Enjoy.

**Chapter 13: Cadaverville**

Over an hour has passed since Eddy's departure from the sinister Tom's campsite. He strolled across the desert in pursuit of the town of Lemon Brook which seemed to be just along the horizon. For the first time in his journey Eddy was filled with a sense excitement and anticipation as the thought of finally obtaining the waterchip, while fighting against the undead hordes, was more than enough to boost the young man's enthusiasm to carry forward with his mission.

The ruins of pre-war buildings soon began dotting the landscape around Eddy. He scanned his eyes across the area but there were no signs of life to be seen. As Eddy cautiously advanced deeper into the concentration of buildings things only got creepier. The town consisted only of streets full of desolate, dilapidated, buildings; mounds of rubble and debris spewed out from the orifices of the structures. The dreary charcoal coloring of the streets and buildings, which seemed to cast a dark shade across the town, only enhanced the dreadful and treacherous mood of the surroundings.

Suddenly, Eddy's excitement had died down and he now was overcome with a sense of fear and hesitation.

"Oh man, it's too quiet. 'Not liking this!" he thought. "This can't be Lemon Brook; that old man must have tricked me!"

With a surge of frustration he howled into the air "Where are the zombies!"

His voice echoed down the vacant streets but his calls were met only with the sound of the wind blowing through the empty boroughs of the once thriving town, occasionally sweeping in a cloud of dust or two.

Eddy darted his eyes around his immediate surroundings then looked up. To his surprise, Eddy caught a glimpse of what appeared to be the smoke-stack of a factory. His eyes widened as his heart-rate doubled.

"That has got to be the place!" He said to himself.

He slowly lowered his head back down to ground level, he was contemplating on which path led to the factory. It appeared that the barren road in front of him led the way towards his destination; this lonesome road.

Firmly grasping the handles of his minigun, Eddy continued down the street; his fingers twitching against the trigger, ready to defend himself in the unfortunate event that a horde of zombies decide to charge towards him head-on.

As he crept down the street, Eddy passed by rusted chain-link fences and through a small strip of pre-war stores. The exteriors were in pretty bad shape and the interiors seemed just as bad. Eddy figured there would be nothing of value left to scavenge inside, besides, obtaining the waterchip was his primary goal, as he was so close to achieving it.

As Eddy walked he noticed a strange bump in the pavement. Upon closer inspection he found that it was the leftover remains of a human being; its skeleton stripped of all fleshy mass though there were a few patches left here-and-there.

The straightaway section of the street ended and Eddy made a mandatory left turn. He passed by another few ruined buildings and turned to the right, down another street which led to the factory's smokestack.

As he continued on this new path something down the road caught his eye. Eddy froze with fear as his eyes tried to make out just what exactly he was looking at. There, down lane, stood a group of slender, humanoid-like figures; loitering around a street intersection. From the distance, Eddy could make out some of the physical features. The creatures definitely resembled reanimated corpses of the dead. The skin on their almost skeletal figures had decomposed into a rotten reddish-brown color; parts of their flesh had either rotted away or seemed to have even melted off, revealing their inner ligaments and tendons! The majority of them were still wearing the tattered remains of their once former clothes. Strangely enough, all of the figures were wearing identical outfits of some sort; all happened to be colored with a faded blue fabric.

"It's zombies, alright!" Eddy thought.

He began to panic, as he didn't expect the living dead to be so frightening outside his imagination. Eddy began to slowly back away from the group, hoping to take a detour to the factory, when suddenly his foot accidentally backed up and struck a stray tin can on the curb! The can rattled noisily as it skidded across the surface of the asphalt, catching the attention of the horde. First one of the figures turned its head, and then another, and another, until the entire group had their attention focused on the solitary adolescent boy, soiling his pants in terror in the middle of the street.

Upon spotting Eddy the alpha male of the group outstretched its arms and raised its skeletal head into the air; its mouth gaped open and through its rotted teeth emitted the piercing sound of its gnarled battle cry!

The creature's call seemed to send a signal to the others in the group as they all began to charge forward in a furious stampede of terror. The creatures all hissed, screeched, and shoved at one another as they charged forward; all seemed to be competing for the first one to claw Eddy's precious brains out.

Eddy snapped out of his fearful trance, as the sight of an oncoming stampede of unworldly abominations usually makes one prone to taking defensive measures, or act in cowardice depending on the person. Eddy's solution, however, had been at his side all this time. Lowering the operational end of the minigun and taking aim directly at the raging horde in front of him; Eddy squeezed the trigger of the massive steroid-abusing son of a gun and the multiple iron clad barrels began to rotate. Its chamber locked and loaded with a belt of custom-crafted, 200 cap-a-piece, anti-personnel ammunition. Then, like a strike of lightning, the minigun spat out a swarm of bullets at a rate of 6,000 rounds per minute. Eddy cackled as he mowed down the oncoming horde, though he could not hear himself, due to the tumultuous noise emitted from the gun. He could only visually see the chaos unfolding in front of him. The anti-personnel bullets firing from the minigun were no match for the fragile body structure of the abominations, as the bullets easily tore their way through the rotting flesh of the attackers. Eddy spastically maneuvered the gun left to right, imaging himself as a crazed 80s action movie hero. His barrage of hot lead spared no one.

The attack only lasted for eight seconds but during that time not only did Eddy manage to fire off 160,000 caps worth of bullets but he also managed to make a horde of nightmarish fiends disappear, seemingly into thin air!

As the adrenaline rush wore off, and after his ears stopped ringing, Eddy powered down the minigun and observed what was left of the horde. The corpses of the fiends were nowhere to be seen, instead only a strange, thin red paste coated the area where the horde once stood before their demise. The special ammunition seemed to have effectively obliterated the abominable horde.

Eddy observed the red paste and stood in shock at the effect of his gunplay. His mouth gaped open as he shook his head back and forth in a moment of both amazement and disbelief.

Suddenly a roar thundered out from the vicinity and the hairs on the back of Eddy's neck shot up so stiffly that they could support a hefty shelf if you nailed them into a wall. Eddy picked up his minigun, expecting another wave of abominations to charge towards him. After the first bellow of the creature came another roar, and then another. A chain reaction of screams, hollers, hisses, and clamors suddenly emitted from all directions. This uproar was no doubt caused by the violent ruckus Eddy created when mowed down the bloodthirsty horde. It seems as though all Eddy has done was kick the hornet's nest. Dozens of other fiends scattered around the town had heard the call and were now scrambling towards Eddy's position, eager to consume his precious bodily organs.

Eddy darted his head to the left when he heard the rattling of a chain link fence. To his horror he saw a dozen more fiends trying to scratch and gnash their way through the twisted steel barrier. Luckily for Eddy the fence held, but it wouldn't keep them back for long as some of the less patient monsters started scrambling on top of one another in a primitive attempt to clamber over the fence. Eddy took swift action to prevent the fiends from breaking through. He once again took aim with his minigun and fired a swarm of hot lead into the scrambling horde. Many of the bodies were blasted off the fence and were reduced to a bloody mess along with the rest of their brethren. After about only three seconds the minigun stopped firing its pulverizing payload and made a repetitive _clicking_ sound. Murphy's Law had struck at the most inconvenient of times. Eddy's dear old minigun had finally depleted its entire load of ammo.

Eddy growled in frustration at his now useless weapon. Things only went from bad to worse as another wave of battle cries broke out from around the area. A backup wave of fiends one again started clamoring at the fence while another horde seemed to have taken an alternate route and was now gathering around the intersection where the original crowd stood; staring down Eddy, waiting for the appropriate time to strike. With a fresh wave of reinforcements on their way and with his pouch a few hundred thousand caps short of a new ammo belt; Eddy did what any other sensible person would do:

"To heck with this! I'm outta here!"

Eddy hastily dropped his minigun and sprinted down the street; a wave of savage fiends in pursuit. Eddy ran out of the open streets and darted his way into the maze of derelict buildings that stood scattered around the city, hoping to throw off the pursuing horde. Eddy dashed through a narrow alley, while managing to keep his traction among the mounds of rubble he scampered through. Using his bare fist, Eddy quickly swiped at a metal barrel midway through the alley, hoping that it would slow down the horde. As Eddy turned a corner he paused and saw that the first creature in line tripped over the barrel, the next few followed suit, tripping over one another in a rather humorous fashion. The rest merely clambered over their fallen brethren and continued to give chase, driven by their primal rage.

Eddy found himself across another street. He was starting to lose his breath and needed to evade the horde, before he became too exhausted to run.

"Darn you, Lemon Brook!" Eddy cursed in between breaths.

Eddy darted across the street and into an old desolate, two-story building. As Eddy stumbled into one of the backrooms of the building he noticed a small hole in the corner of the room. The hole was big enough for a boy of Eddy's size to fit through while small enough to keep out a normal sized figure. Hearing the sounds of the horde approaching, Eddy took his chances and squeezed his way through the hole, pushing aside bricks and bits of wood and other rubble. He arrived back on the outside of the building, but just as his leg was free of the hole one of the fiends grabbed hold of it and started dragging him back into the monstrous nightmare that lied behind him. Eddy started screaming out in pain and fear as the fiend sunk its teeth into Eddy's exposed appendage. Eddy grabbed a nearby brick and immediately used it to bash in the bony skull of the beast. He stopped once the monster's cold dead hand released its grasp on his leg. Eddy scrambled back onto his feet and saw that more of the vile fiends tried to crawl their way through the hole. Eddy pulled out his handgun and fired a few rounds at the beasts clawing their way though the hole. They too met their demise. Eddy then scooped up a pile of debris and poured in front of the hole, tossing in a few bricks for good measure, building up an effective barricade.

Once the hole was taken care of Eddy wandered his way through the alley between the buildings he stood among and soon found his way back into the open street. Eddy frantically looked around for another potential hiding spot but all he saw was yet another street identical to the previous one. Eddy could hear the horde faintly in the distance, growling and hissing at their predicament. Eddy then found himself in a predicament of his own.

"I can't run forever." He thought. "But there's no place where I can catch a break from these guys."

Eddy pondered his surroundings. Everywhere he looked laid rows of demolished buildings, each identical to the streets he previously evaded. None of the structures would provide a good shelter, as the horde could sense his location. Eddy was in desperate need of a place unsuspecting, undetectable… Underground.

It finally occurred to Eddy that his ultimate safe haven stood in plain sight. He spotted a lone manhole cover in the dead center of the street. He scrambled over to it and clenched his fingers around the brim of the rusty lid. He managed to pry off the cover and gained access to his newfangled sanctuary, but began to have second thoughts as he peered down into the darkness. His concentration broke when he heard the sounds of the horde bellowing followed by the sound of a wooden barrier breaking open. Without further hesitation, Eddy dropped down into the hole and managed to cling onto a ladder. Using his free hand he slid the metal cover back over the hole, sealing him from the wrath of the abominable monstrosities that lay topside.

As the lid closed shut darkness consumed the passage. All but a few rays of light shined their way through the holes in the cover. Eddy had no choice but to descend into the darkness. As he climbed down the ladder Eddy's surroundings became pitch black. He had no choice but to climb downwards until he reached the bottom of the sewer. During his descent, Eddy worried about what sort of dark forces dwelled beneath in the underworld of Lemon Brook. He then began to worry about his current state, as he felt that with each foot he descended the structural integrity of the ladder he clung to weakened.

His suspicions were correct as without warning the next handle of the ladder he grabbed suddenly broke off! His feet slipped from their place on the lower handles and he was now left dangling above a seemingly bottomless chasm, his body only supported by his right hand which desperately clenched a single handle.

Eddy let out a blood curdling scream that echoed down the chasm. "HELP MEEEE!" he cried.

His calls were futile; no one was here to save him. Suddenly the left bolt on the lone handlebar broke away from it's fixture to the wall, its right bolt was the only thing saving Eddy from dropping down into the abyss below. Eddy was almost literally hanging by a thread. Eddy then heard the sewer wall crack and crumble as the handlebar began to pry away from its socket.

He let out a hopeless "Oh geez" before the handle gave out, taking Eddy for a deep plunge into the darkness as he screamed along the way.

Perhaps due to a change in his otherwise unfortunate luck or perhaps due to some incomprehensible force displaying pity for him, Eddy was saved from the undignified death of becoming a gooey paste on the floor of a sewer thanks to his hunting rifle which, because of the way it was positioned on his back during the fall in conjunction with the narrow space of the sewer entrance, firmly lodged itself between the two walls of the sewer shaft. After realizing he was no longer falling Eddy let out a sigh of relief.

"I'm alive!" he gasped.

With both of his hands free Eddy finally had a chance to fiddle with the buttons on his Pip-Boy until he found the flashlight function.

"Bingo" he shouted as an array of light emitted through his miraculous device.

Eddy used the light to observe the interior of the shaft. He found that many sections of the ladder above him broke off but there were still some remaining handlebars below him. He tried grabbing hold of them but his arms lacked the great length to reach them. Eddy foolishly tried shifting his weight so that he could potentially extend his reach, not realizing that the rifle above him was losing its grip with each shift. Eddy sucked in a full breath of air, aiming for one final attempt to grab a handle. With a great shift in his weight the rifle dislodged itself and Eddy once again fell into the darkness. Fortunately for Eddy the fall only lasted for eight feet and despite landing face first onto the bottom of an old sewer he survived. Unfortunately for Eddy, the hunting rifle had gained enough momentum to inflict some major pain as it landed straight onto Eddy's back.

"Gaaaahaahhaa!" Eddy both cried and, surprisingly, laughed at the same time as the pain began to spread throughout his posterior region.

Once the pain simmered down Eddy wearily stood up, holstered his rifle, and glanced at the darkness around him.

"Great! I wonder what kinda hijinks I'll get into down here!" Eddy sarcastically exclaimed; unenthusiastic about his postponement of reaching the Gag Factory.

Suddenly a raspy voice called out from the darkness. "Did you hear that? Come on, I think it came from this direction!"

"Not good!" Eddy yelled to himself.

Desperate for cover, Eddy frantically scrambled around the sewer tunnel before spotting an old metal barrel he could duck behind. As he crouched behind it Eddy soon realized that, despite his short stature, the barrel would not provide adequate cover.

Soon, torchlight shimmered from around a corner. With nowhere left to run Eddy patiently waited for his demise; his body shaking from the panic that had set in. The light approached and Eddy was able to make out the bodies of two figures walking closer and closer to his position.

The two ghoulish figures resembled their topside counterparts; only the flesh on these individuals had not yet rotted away down to their bare skeleton and these figures didn't appear to be feral. Their heads were devoid of any hair and parts of the skin on their raisin-like faces were flaking off in several spots. The first figure held a torch in one hand along with a serrated knife in the other. The second figure wielded a 10mm sub-machine gun in his hand and was aiming it down the tunnel. Thanks to their torchlight, Eddy was able to make out another distinguishing feature of the two individuals; both were clad in what appeared to be tattered vault jumpsuits!

As the two moved in on Eddy's position one of them shouted "What the hell's that?"

No longer able to stand his predicament Eddy jumped up from behind his barrel, hands straight up in the air, and pleaded for mercy.

"Don't kill me I'm just a minor!"

The two figures froze and stood there in a mix of confusion and bewilderment.

Finally, the first figure broke the silence. "What the hell's a normie doing down here!"

Suddenly a hoarse voice bellowed out from the depths of the sewers.

"What's with all the commotion!"

The second figure looked back and responded with an equally gravely voice.

"A normie somehow found its way down into the sewer!"

The voice from the darkness emitted a growl of irritation.

Soon a second light glowed its way from down the tunnel. A third ghoulish individual emerged from the darkness. The first two figures stepped aside as the monstrous hulk of the third figure approached the site.

The torch it held up only provided enough light to reveal its hideous face. The skin on its bulky head had become wrinkled, worn, and looked as though someone had taken a belt grinder to it. The left side of its jaw had partially melted off, revealing its gnarled teeth while giving the appearance of a permanent scowl. The creature's leering eyes were fixated directly on Eddy as it sulked its way towards his spot. The sight of a seemingly disembodied head floating its way down the tunnel deeply disturbed Eddy.

Once the third figure finally came within range of the group's light Eddy was able to get a clear view of the being. The figure did not appear like any other of his brethren. Its height was not normal for the others of his kind as it loomed over the group, standing at least 6 ½ feet. The being's body was built like a brawler; its arms resembled tree trunks in size and strength and its chest, despite the deterioration of the rest of its body, looked as though even a chainsaw would have trouble cutting through. The only significant similarity the creature shared with his associates was that, he too, had been outfitted with a standard issue Vault-Tec jumpsuit. Parts of the suit were either torn or had burnt off, most notably the arm sleeves which exposed the rather appalling ligaments in the creature's right shoulder. Despite the wears and tears the iconic blue and yellow colors of the outfit immediately identified it as a genuine Vault-Tec product. Whether these abominations had stolen the clothes of the former Lemon Brook vault dwellers or whether Eddy was actually communicating with the mutated remains of said dwellers remained unknown. Either way, something bad must have happened to make them appear this way.

The creature shoved the other two aside to make room and both he and Eddy's eyes immediately locked onto one another.

Eddy acted apprehensive, fearing that the group of abominations would attack him at any moment. He quickly devised an escape plan in his head should such an action occur; his hand ready to pull out his pistol, just in case.

The creature that stood before him did not act in such a way that one would expect. Instead of a face of grimace and irritation the creature suddenly found himself overwhelmed by the feeling of nostalgia and affection. As he stared at the young boy the creature's face turned to a look of shock and surprise. A deeper revelation had occurred. The creature recognized Eddy's face from time in his own past. He finally realized just who exactly the boy standing before him was!

The creature opened his mouth to speak but seemed to be at a loss for words. At long last he uttered only one, simple, word in a twist of fate that not even Eddy could have foreseen.

"Son?"

**Author's Note:** BAM! You just got Shyamalan'd! In other news: what rhymes with shoes and delivers to me the opposite of the blues? That right, it's time to send in some good reviews!


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